Friday, March 10, 2006

Court guns and BBQ guns.

I know that Texas doesn't have a lock on court guns, or their kissin' cousin, the BBQ gun, but someone always asks me what they are.

Unfortunately, I'm afraid they're a dying breed. At least in this part of the country. Back in West Texas every lawman worth his salt has a court gun. Around here, everyone has gone to polymer framed pistols, and I'm here to tell you, ain't no way this side of the Styx than you can turn a Glock into a court gun.

Sorry, ain't gonna happen. It is technically, physically and aesthetically impossible.

So, down to brass tacks.

A court gun is the pistol that you wear during your court-type duties.

Usually a Colt Government Model or clone or a Browning Hi-Power, although any metal pistol with removable grips will do. Either blued or stainless is just fine, and have a small amount of tasteful engraving done to the slide.

Replace the grips with burlwood or stag. Fancy wood is acceptable, and can be minimally engraved. Understatement is the word of the day here.

The gun leather for your court gun should be dark in colour, with the classic basketweave pattern and a Ranger buckle. A subdued floral or Celtic pattern is acceptable, as long as the leather engraving is not a different color from the rest of the belt. In the past, the best gear was custom-made by inmates of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, but I don't know if they're still doing that.

Some philistines have asked about nylon carry gear, or -- God forbid -- kydex. The only stuff good enough for a 'court gun' is leather. Period. Full stop. And for God's sake, don't have your name engraved on the back of the belt. That's just...just...tacky.

For accessories, consider one open-topped magazine pouch and a belt-mounted badge. Polish your boots, press your jeans and wear a starched long-sleeve shirt.

Now, a BBQ gun is a whole different animal. A BBQ gun is what you wear to barbeques, baby christenings, formal balls, and any other place where a fancy jacket or outfit would be worn.

Get your paws on a revolver. Smith & Wesson or Colt would be best, although I understand that Brazilian products are becoming accepted. Polished stainless at a minimum, and full-blown nickle is a better. And pony up for full engraving. Have the trigger, hammer, screws and ejection rod anodized blue, gold, or colour-case-hardened for the traditionalists.

Now, look in the mirror. Is your mustache over 50% grey? If so, go for pearl grips. 49% or less on the grey-meter, and you'd best stick with ivory. If you go for mother-of-pearl, have it carved or inlaid. Steer heads are a classic pattern, although badges and stars are always safe.

If you go the ivory option, have the ivory inlaid or scrimshawed. Floral patterns involving roses and the Texas flag are good, as well as the state of Texas, a tasteful rendition of a young lady, or long horn cattle. Any scene from the battle of the Alamo is a surefire crowd pleaser. For those souls living outside the Great State of Texas, the flag raising at Mt. Suribachi may be substituted for an Alamo scene, and anything involving Marines is acceptable engraving material.


I would advise that you stay away from morbid or dreary themes in your engraving -- unless it is extremely well done.

The leather for your BBQ gun should be of a floral pattern, with the engraving a different color than the rest of the leather. The engraving pattern should extend to the buckle and any other metal hardware which should consist of silver and be polished bright enough to shave in, although gold is acceptable if carried with the proper attitude.

Accessories should be limited to a reload and a pocket watch.

No BBQ outfit is really complete without hand-made boots made from the hide of a critter that is guaranteed to send your local PETA petter into orbit. Pressed jeans under a Western-cut jacket, with a bolo tie, and a black Stetson complete the ensemble. The bolo tie should have a chunk of rock slightly larger than a baby's fist and the Stetson should have a hat band made from the cousin of the critter on your feet.


For some of the best examples of court and BBQ guns around, I strongly recommend visiting the Texas Ranger Museum in Waco, Texas.

LawDog

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow...I'm not in law enforcement, but what kind of twit has never been to court or a BBQ with out seing appropriate attire!!! Love your blog and enjoy reading it daily. I hale from Ft. Worth, what part of the lone star to you call home?

Anonymous said...

Well, if you hail from the People's Republik of Massachusetts, you will find minimal use for a BBQ gun... but as I have friends outside of the state and do visit them, I should really work on getting my guns presentable.

Do you suppose that the grips on my .45 auto could be engraved with the Square & Compasses, as I am a Freemason? :-) A steer head just doesn't seem right.

Anonymous said...

What about the female law officers whose mustaches are over 50% gray?

--Next to Last Samurai

Anonymous said...

Ivory, ivory, ivory. Pearl is for pimps.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris doesn't have a BBQ Gun, he justs says bang and the bad guys fall down dead from a heart attack. His court gun is a picture of a Colt .45 on the instep of his boot that you see just as he spin kicks you in to next week.
Thanks, ejoyed your Blog.

Anonymous said...

In the past, the best gear was custom-made by inmates of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice, but I don't know if they're still doing that.

My last go-around at Fort Hood, I became pretty good friends with an Investigator working at one of the units in Gatesville. He had all kinds of neat inmate produced leather goods, and stories about which of said inmates were the best at crafting various items. I also noticed that several of the wardens, and the head of the RDCJ Region II Training Academy, had nice looking El Paso style rigs inconspicuously displayed in their offices. When asked, they confirmed that the rigs were inmate made. Now I can't vouch as to whether they're still produced (except at Huntsville, which apparently still makes presentation rigs for folks in Austin to hand out) but the ones I've seen sure did look nice.

holly76201 said...

'Dog,
This one was GREAT! My Dearly Beloved recently introduced me to the concept of the "Safe Queen" gun.
I do disagree with one point, I always carry an auto. Just like having more to shoot than with a revo.
Keep up the blogs, I'm lovin a regular supply of LawDog Wit and Wisdom.
Hugs.

Anonymous said...

I have a couple of questions.

Is authentic cocobolo rosewood acceptable grip material for a BBQ gun?

And could a well-blued revolver (with said beautiful cocobolo grips) be suitable for a BBQ gun, with an extra-fancy holster to make up for it?

This is for a guy in his mid-20s with no gray in his mustache yet.

Skip Harrington said...

If Anonymous is familiar with basic tenets of Freemasonry, why would he want the Square and Compasses engraved upon a piece of equipment specifically designed to blow people away? It kind of strikes a discordant note with me. If I'm wrong, well just ignore me. How about just a nice inlaid gold Lone Star?

Anonymous said...

I just put onto my blued HiPower, some checkered, white micarta grips from Brownells. Would this be acceptable as a Court gun?
Thanks

Anonymous said...

As George S. Patton was famous for saying, "Only a pimp in a New Orleans whorehouse or a tin-horn gambler would carry a pearl-handled pistol."

Molonlabe28 said...

This is some very nice prose, amigo.

I think that I will save it for in my file of favorite gun essays.

I sure wish I could carry a gun to court, but then I would wind up being marched into court with leg irons and a striped jumpsuit.

I think that a properly accessorized lawyer should invariably have a weapon and rig of the variety you recommend for the occasion.

Anonymous said...

I didn't get the odd taste in guns until there was talking about gray hair. Now I get it, advice for old farts. Us young guys carry guns for utility, not because they're pretty. Thus the Glock is always my bbq gun!

Enjoy your cute, outmoded pistols!

Ted said...

It's not outmoded if it still goes bang every time you want it to. Having some class never gets old either.

Deacon Channing Fell said...

Excellent.. and some fine links as well... THANKS!

Anonymous said...

Glocks and kydex may have some utility but they have no class or beauty.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for every other informative website. The

place else could I get that kind of information written in such a

perfect way? I have a mission that

I am simply now working on, and I've been on the glance out for

such information.
My blog - thespainforum.com

Anonymous said...

Hello are using Wordpress for your blog platform?
I'm new to the

blog world but I'm trying to get started and create
my own. Do you require any coding

expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be
greatly appreciated!
Also see my web site: northern spain driving tours

Anonymous said...

Hey there! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a

collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a
community in the same niche. Your blog

provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!
Feel free to visit my web site www.movingimageeducation.org

Anonymous said...

As I web site possessor I believe the content matter here is
rattling excellent , appreciate it for your efforts.
You should keep it up forever!

Best of luck.
Feel free to visit my site ... www.thestevewebershow.com

Anonymous said...

Spot on with this write-up, I actually suppose this
web site wants

much more consideration. I’ll in all probability be again to read far more, thanks for that info.
Here is my site chinning

Anonymous said...

You are a very capable person!
Check out my homepage ... Wiki.Ustea.Org

Anonymous said...

I’d need to check with you here. Which is not one

thing I often do! I take pleasure in studying a post that may make
individuals think. Also, thanks for

permitting me to comment!
Review my weblog ; into.mat.univie.ac.at

Anonymous said...

After study a few of the weblog posts in your

web site now, and I truly like your method of blogging.

I

bookmarked it to my bookmark web site list and might be checking again soon.

Pls try my site as nicely and let me know what you think.
Stop by my web blog :: pointman

Anonymous said...

What i do not understood is actually how you're not actually much more well-liked than

you might be right now. You are so intelligent. You realize therefore

considerably relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from a

lot of varied angles. Its like women and men aren't fascinated unless
it’s one thing to

accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs outstanding.
Always maintain it up!
Also visit my blog post ... cymogene

Dane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dane said...

Sorry, but this thread really needs a paicture or two.
http://pistolsmith.blogspot.com/2014/06/the-bbq-gun.html