Thursday, April 13, 2006

Another viewpoint

In my first law enforcement position, I made the slight blunder of working in the town that was midway between the town my grandparents lived in, and the city in which my mother lived.

Being a dutiful daughter, Mom made frequent visits home, and being a dutiful mother, she would stop at my town during each trip.

Small towns being what they are, it didn't take the locals long to discover that the red-head in the purple pickup was my mother. Once that fact was discovered, it didn't take the local wags long to begin regaling Mom with tales of my exploits. Said tales usually being stretched more than a bit.

Just after I was invited to become Staph at www.thefiringline.com I was involved in a fairly interesting event involving my west-bound 1994 Ford Ranger, some ice, and an east-bound 1999 Peterbilt 18-wheeler.

When everything was said and done, Mom wound up contacting Rich and the rest of the Staph members to inform them of what had transpired, and that it would be a bit before I'd be in a place with ready Internet access. Stuff led to things, and Mom discovered that she liked TFL.

Which led to Mom reading my stories, and finding out that some folks had an idea that I was doing more than my fair share of leg-pulling.

So, she posted some of the stories that the locals had told her.

*sigh*

Bear in mind that Mom heard this story from people who heard it from their sister's cousin's best friend's hairdresser's ex-husband -- so I make no guarantees as to the actual facts of this story.

The Sheriff's Office gets a call from the local school. Seems there is a child in class who is displaying traits totally unlike his usual behavior; he is withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class, won't talk about any problems at home.

Suspecting child abuse, there is an investigator heading for the child's house, and it is felt that an officer should be at hand, just in case.

Out goes LawDog. He and the investigator talk to the child, and it is gradually discovered that sometime previously, the parents had been watching one of the horrid movies about homicidal dolls that come to life, not knowing that their child has snuck out of bed and is watching the movie from the bedroom doorway.

This has led to the child deciding that one of his stuffed toys is going to come to life and slaughter the family.

Mama and Daddy come unwound. 'Dog goes with the child and digs the toy out from under the pile of stuff in the workshop where the child has placed it for safety. Mama comforts the child, Daddy swears the toy is going into the garbage first thing, and the social worker is pontificating about the damage violent movies do to young psyches.

Nobody notices the 'Dog going out to the Super Scooter and getting on the radio.

Just like no one notices the city truck pulling up in front of the big bay window of the house.

The two city workers talking to the 'Dog before firing up the machinery being towed behind the city truck raises only mild curiosity.

However, the sight of the 'Dog marching out to the truck, with the toy held at arms length with a secure grip about it's throat gets everybodys attention.

Of course, the fact that 'Dog has the muzzle of his pistol rammed firmly between the toys beady little eyes might have accounted for a bit of that fascination ...

And when he solemnly, and with the greatest of care not to allow the demonic toy the slightest chance to overpower him, slam-dunked the malevolent beastie into the chipper/shredder merrily grinding away on the back of the truck, one might say that the 'Dog had everyone's undivided attention.

The piece de resistance was when LawDog walked back into the house, tipped his hat to the child and stated: "You have anymore problems, you just give me a call." And headed back out on patrol.

Rumour has it that CPS filed a complaint. Rumour also has it that the Sheriff folded it into a paper airplane and sailed it across the office.

You know, now that I think about it, that's pretty much what happened.

*shrug*

LawDog

10 comments:

JeanC said...

I so love this story, I never tire reading it. A no nonsense solution to a little kids problem :)

Harrison said...

The CPS wonk shoulda' followed the other beastie into the chipper!

Tam said...

Maybe my favorite LawDog story.

Of course, the one where you smoked Santa was pretty good, too...

And I really liked the tale of Squeaks and the python...

But the way you delivered that armadillo's pickup lines was comedy gold...

As was the epic line "One felony at a time..."

...

You had best submit this stuff to a publisher, bro. Enough Shiner, and the Junior and Senior Guests would fink out your location, and then I'd have to bring a typewriter and get all Misery on you, and we don't want that. ;)

Get to writin'... :D

Steve said...

Lawdog,

As a parent with a 6 year old hooked on "lost", I LOVE the way you handled that. Great story and solution!

Steve

shooter said...

LD,

I stand with the rest of 'em...get this stuff down on paper and you'll give McManus a run for his money.

Why there aren't more Law Dogs like you, I don't know.

hornetskaya said...

I can't think of anything that isn't quantifiably uber-fangirl to post in response to your stories.

I think I end up laughing so hard than any response is stripped of intelligence, thus rendering them to simple statments of, "SQUEEEE! I LOVE YOU!"

Or something along those lines.

joated said...

Definite example of actions speaking far, far louder than words.

Zundfolge said...

I love the story, but it still bothers me that a child simply acting "withdrawn, agitated, sleepy during class [and] won't talk about any problems at home" will get armed agents of the state dispached to your home with the possible intent of removing your parental rights.

No, we don't live in a police state.

Sparky said...

Let's not just urge the LawDog to publish his work. These gems need widespread exposure. I say a "King of the Hill" spin-off centered on the animated exploits of Our Host's adventures would be perfect...

Er, I say that without knowing if LawDog or Texans consider KotH a slander against their state. But I've always admired that, for all the poking fun the show does, it always celebrates the not-so-common-wisdom and patience of old-fashioned guys like Hank Hill. I bet they could do a great job with LawDog--he's sort of a Hank with the wittiness and mischievousness knobs turned up to 11.

"Dale...one felony at a time..."

;)

Princess of Everything (and then some) said...

~sighs~ I do think that I am in love.