Kid is driving up to a local convenience store to visit his friend, who happens to be a cashier at the store.
As the kid pulls into the parking lot, he sees a critter with a case of beer under each arm burst out the door and start legging it down the street.
Kid promptly whips a U-turn in the parking lot, pulls up next to the sprinting subject and hollers: "Get in!"
Critter heaves his booze into the back seat and jumps in. Critter says, "Thanks, man!"
Kids sayeth, "No problem" and continues driving. Critter looks about and discovers that they are on a course back to the convenience store. Critter says, "Hey, man, we can't go back there!"
Kid says, "How else are you going to return the beer you stole?"
Critter promptly takes off his shirt and throws it in the kids face, then bails out of the still-moving vehicle, bounces along the pavement a bit, before climbing to his feet and staggering down the road.
Kid slams the vehicle into 'P', hops out and promptly performs a bee-yoo-ti-ful tackle (remembering to keep his shoulders up and exploding off that last step before contact) and the two commence tussling in the street.
The critters actual getaway driver chooses that moment to remember that There Was Something Important I Was Supposed To Be Doing, and goes looking for the critter, turns down the road, sees the dust-up and attempts to bounce the kid off the bumper.
Fortunately, she missed both the kid and her supposed Pookie.
At this time, two private citizens -- either truck drivers or bikers, depending on who's writing the report -- see the tussel and decide to do their Civic Duty (or figure that this one is too good to miss) and they land on the critter like the Fist of God.
Critters getaway driver promptly slaps the stick into 'R' and does her damndest to bounce her rear bumper off of somebody, anybody in the pile. Causing the critter to shift from "Help me! Help! Do something! Get them off me!" to "****! Goddamnit! Don't do that ****! Crazy ***** almost hit me!"
Unfortunately, the pleas fall on deaf ears, and she takes another shot, only to strike out for the third time, and disappear down the street, but not before both of the Samaritans got the license plate number, make and model, and description of the driver.
When PD got to the scene, the critter allegedly begged them, in tones most piteous, to get him away from the kid and his cohorts -- even if it meant going to jail.
Because the critter managed to land a couple of punches on the kid and the Samaritans during the tussle, he got charged with Robbery (Felony 2).
When the judge set the bond, the critter objected to the 'high' amount. Judge asked -- out of curiosity -- why he thought the bond was too high, and the critter said, I quote: "They whupped my ass!"
Fighting back a smile, the judge responded: "And from appearances it seems like they did a workmanlike job, too."
"They can't just whup a mans ass for no reason!"
"Mr Critter, I want you to listen very closely. I want you to consider this incident not so much as an ass-whipping, but rather as a hint from God that next time you should pay for your beer. Bond stands. Good day."
I love Texas.