Monday, June 19, 2006

Darwin is a rotter

There is a club devoted exclusively to gangsta hip-hop music located in our fair city.

It is currently part of the turf owned by one set of Latino gangers who are feuding pretty seriously with another pack.

Small, dark, mota- reeking little place. My buddy Reno and I did some bouncing for spending money there for a couple of years when an African-American gang still owned that side; it was a brutal little dive then and it darned sure hasn't got any better.

Local PD won't go in there with less than four officers, and they usually have the tac-team do their walk-throughs.

Anyhoo, one night a while back there is a call for an ambulance, Rescue, the tac-team, and any available officers Code Three to the club.

Everybody and their grandma shows up. Several tons worth of officers show up, and muscle their way through the patrons to find a 19-year-old hispanic male laying on his side on the dance floor, completely unresponsive.

Everyone really, really wants to know just what the hell has happened here, his vatos are going bugnuts, and the only thing that anyone can learn is that the other gang has "done shot him".

This is Not Good. This is So Not Good.

Visions of a full-blown gang war dancing in their heads, the tac-team starts heaving bodies out into the road while the detectives snatch two of the biggest-mouthed eses and start trying to put together a sequence of what the hell just happened here.

Turns out that about eight Kings walked into the club sometime prior to the incident and started dancing with Lords gals.

Young Eduardo De La Dancefloor decided that this was, indeed, an insult too great to be borne so he allegedly pulled out what seems to have been a chromed Raven Arms .25ACP, pointed it at the Kings, and engaged in what must have been a truly inspired Alpha Male Display.

The Kings chose (for once) the better part of valour and hauled butt out the side door of the club.

Young Eduardo then turned in triumph to his little pack, and in a manner calculated to cause swooning in any brainless girl-child desperate (or stupid) enough to hang out with Mexicano gangsters, whirls the little silver auto around his shootin' finger, flips it back the other way, then back again, and proceeds to, err ... manfully ... thrust it home into the front of his waistband.

Ahem.

Gentle Readers, the Four Rules of Shooting are not just Rules, they are a damned fine idea. Let us ponder, in this case, the wisdom of: "Don't Point The Barrel At Anything You're Not Willing To Destroy" and "Keep Your Booger Hook Off Of The Bang Switch".

Yeah. Whoo. I believe that my readers of the male persuasion probably have an inkling of what happened.

My friends, I have seen the impossible. I have proof of a one shot stop utilizing a single, lonesome .25ACP FMJ.

Sweet Shivering Shiva.

Ahem. Anyhoo, apparently the finale of this testosterone preen involved Young Eduardo staggering back a step, raising a paw to his buddies, stumbling a bit and then according to eyewitnesses, his eyes just "kinda rolled back" and Eddie ploughed nose first into the parquet dancefloor.

I shall never sniff disdainfully at those who choose to carry a .25 ACP again.

Apparently he blew the left one into hamburger, air-conditioned Mr. Happy, and the combination of muzzle-flash and hydrostatic shock(?!) bruised the right one to the point that it's probably "not going to be viable". Medically speaking.

Oh, and the the round drilled into his left thigh and snuggled in contentedly about an inch or so from the femur.

Gawd.

Jut another day in Law Enforcement, folks. You can't make this stuff up.

LawDog

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

Evolution in action.

Anonymous said...

Back in the Neolithic days when I was a nurse, one Young Unfortunate Yout was brought into the ER by private car with multiple GSW's to the groin area. From interrogatives with is posse, it turns out that a certain baby-momma caught the aforementioned baby-daddy with a potential next baby-momma at one of the local R&B dives out on 31. After a lot of screeching, hair pulling and clothes-ripping, he stepped in the middle of things and managed to become proof that a Raven is capable of going to slide lock at least once.

5 shots into the acorns and femoral artery. Never made it out of surgery.

Who says .25 ain't good for babydaddy?

Regards,
Rabbit.

Anonymous said...

What would one call that particular dance step, I wonder?
This is simultaneously a demonstration of Darwins Theory of evolution in action, and evidence that there is a God - and he has a sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

Another good story by the LawDog. I find it difficult to comprehend how a lame, leftist clown like Kinky Friedman can publish DETECTIVE NOVELS. In that genre, he is all hat and no cattle. Your stories have the ring of truth, with sardonic cynicism and story telling ability to flesh them out. You should really write a novel, or a collection of stories.

Anonymous said...

At least he can't breed! Now if only we could get more gang bangers to do that.

Anonymous said...

Doughnuts, anyone?

BryanP said...

Young Eduardo can now be a great source of inside information for you. After all, he will most certainly be capable of "singing like a canary."

(sorry, couldn't resist)

HollyB said...

Law Dog,
Another great story.
Just one minor question. Shouldn't it be de la Danceflor?
Kinda reminds me of the story the Dearly Beloved tells of the hometown POlice occifer who, in the process of bending over to retrieve a can of green beans from the bottom shelf at the grocery story, managed to discharge a round from his "trusty" tupperware handgun into his butt cheek. I KNEW there was a reason I didn't trust those plastic guns!

HollyB

Anonymous said...

A little thinning of the gene pool...

Anonymous said...

So, he's now shooting blanks?

Nathaniel Firethorn said...

Notify the Darwin Awards folx. Eduardo now has a two-eyed trouser snake that will never bite again.

BobG said...

"So, he's now shooting blanks?"

I doubt if he's even dry firing...

Anonymous said...

Young Eduardo does the emasculation bit; good account of the act scene-by-scene Lawdog. I read of a similar account by a LEO in Maine; weapon in this case was a .357 but the result was similar.

Calico Jack said...

As usual, an excellent story. Thanks for picking my day up a little.

Ok, here’s something I’ve never been able to truly comprehend. In Any City, US of A, there are multiple social athletic clubs of unsupervised youth. These groups hate each other. One fine night the Lost Latinos ambush another social athletic club and send one or more members of said club to the emergency room, the hospital and the morgue. Discounting public funds used to pay hospital bills and LEO’s time filling out paperwork, how much attention is paid to a slaying like this and why? Certainly a crime has been committed and it’s morally wrong to murder people, but these are not choir boys who are now cooling their heels for a final time in the city morgue. At least they don’t sing in any choir I’ve ever heard of, whatever that may be worth. Still, why get so upset if a few violent criminals kill each other?

Papa Ray said...

CJ, in my town, gang bangers and thugs don't make the papers except in the obituary. Even a wife running over her husband and quishing him flat didn't make the front page.

It was an "accident".

Sure...

No story, didn't happen, thats what the chamber of commerce wants.

Papa Ray

Anonymous said...

shame he missed the femoral

Kristopher said...

A 1/4" hole through someone does little good. Heh.

The .25 and the .22 LR combined have killed more folks than any other calibre ... numbers of rounds fired does the trick.

Rhett said...

Ouch! I can't feel for his stupid actions, but I do feel his pain!

The people who said the other gang shot him need beaten within an inch of their life, for messing with a police investigation and also for trying to start a gang feud.

Gangs are to society as ticks are to humans. No benefit to mankind whatsoever and only drain us of our reserves. We need strong ddt for this problem.

The Brazillians know how to deal with gangs. :D

Rorschach said...

Law Dog, I submitted this one to the Darwin Awards for you, they may be contacting you for confirmation.

Anonymous said...

" finale of this testosterone preen"

Bet you his testosterone will be sitting at a little lower level now. Too bad he won't have the balls to do this scene again.

Kiki B.

Greg Harvey said...

Hey LawDog,

This is a long shot, but I am a Darwin Awards website moderator and this post got sent to us as a Personal Account. It will remain a Personal Account, unless we can verify it. It would be cool if you'd get in touch - you can email me via my Blogger profile if you want to and you see this.

Thanks,

G

Ps - great blog - love your style! Bookmarking! ;-)

Rorschach said...

As Greg Harvey said, The Darwin awards people really ARE interested in this one... you guys can see the slush pile entry here:
http://darwinawards.com/slush/new/pending20060622-125026.html

Evyl Robot Michael said...

That sir, is one of the many reasons that I make holsters.