Friday, June 09, 2006

Gut-check time.

Well, turns out that al-Zarqawi managed to survive for a bit before shuffling off this Mortal Coil, and apparently mumbled something prior to getting on with the dying part.

Lots of speculation at work as to what the Last Mumble might have been. Some of the examples were:

"Stop choking me."

"Please don't hit me with that rifle butt again."

And the always popular: "WTF?!"

Personally, I favour that simple, old-fashioned favourite, "Oh, s***."

Well, that, as they say, is that.

The fallout from this little adventure is going to be somewhat educational to watch.

As expected, anything non-computer-related has gone to the Intel-types, who are allegedly attempting their best not to do gleeful cartwheels in sight of the press.

The boffins have taken charge of any computer-y bits, and I'm here to tell you it doesn't matter how crafty or sneaky al-Zaqarwi was, anything he had on that hard-ware is going to belong to the geek-pack, right down to his secret stash of goat-porn.

This is going to be what is colloquially referred to as "nut-check time". Anybody who thinks his name might have been somewhere near that hard-drive, or in the paperwork, is going to be wondering:

1) Are they following me and learning even more secrets, or are they so busy they just haven't had time to snatch me ... yet;

2) I wonder if singing like a canary will make it easier, and would it be better to go ahead, surrender to the inevitable, and volunteer everything I know, rather than waiting for them to snatch me; and

3) Who else is having the same thoughts?

Couple of folks are going to wind up spending a Social Inquiry session or two with the Loyalty Brigade and their Magic 8-Ball of Truth (also doubles as a field phone, if you don't mind the BBQ smell), and there will be a bit of a purge of the disloyal -- some of whom will actually be snitches, and others who simply wound up on someones smoke list, (this being as good a time as any to whack a rival or two), or just collateral damage.

All of which further serves to strain loyalties, what with the shrieking and the bodies flopping about and the psycho fanatics and the wondering which snitches got missed...

I present the successor to the throne of al-Zaqarwi. He's got a bullseye painted on his forehead connected to a stack of Coalition-issued military hardware marked 'To Whom It May Concern', the local civilians still have a case of the ass aimed at his predecessor (on top of discovering that ratting him out actually works) ... and his faithful otnay ootay rightbray spear-carriers (the ones who managed to survive the loyalty checks) are frantically trying to suck up by any means possible -- including getting signed confessions from their own long-dead great-granma -- and telling him whatever they think he wants to hear.

*gigglesnort*

T'were I a spooky type, I'd find out where the crates of Maalox and Tylenol are going, and bomb the Cheez-Whiz out of the drop-off point.

LawDog

9 comments:

Ol' lurker said...

A most excellent post, LawDog. The picture you paint makes me smile every time I think of it. LMAO, as they say. And, I'm impressed that you know what a 'boffin' is. Jolly good show!

Cybrludite said...

So, just how do you say "Resevoir Dogs" in Arabic, anyhow?

Citizen H said...

My interpretation of Zarqawi's final moments, straight from the script of Monty Python:

American Soldier: “Bring out the dead!”
Iraqi Soldier: “Here’s one!”
Zarqawi: “I’m not dead.”
A: “What?”
I: “Nothing.”
Z: “I’m not dead.”
A: “He says he’s not dead.”
I: “Yes he is.”
Z: “I’m not.”
A: “He isn’t”.
I: “Well, he will be soon, he’s very ill”.

...And so on. I bet he felt "Happy" just before snuffing it.

Papa Ray said...

خزانة كلاب
Is how you say it in Arabic.

But, the more important question is what is in store for our Military and our Nation over the next few years.

Our enemy is a quick learner and already is a master of propaganda. He also is learning that he can turn the media anyway he wants and by that influence the American public and the American Congress.

So look for more of the same from now on. Be ready for the charges of murder, rape, torture and whatever else they can come up with.

Witness the PA production of the latest butchery of Israel. The slaughter of innocents at the beach, just having a family outing.

Almost everyone reading and seeing the videos and pictures of this slaughter will believe it all.

Except for a few who know its just another production from the PA like several over the past years.

But it works. Israel is even more hated than the "Great Satan".

Some ol' chinese military guy said something like: attack your enemy where he is the weakest...

That's their action plan from now on.

Papa Ray
West Texas
USA

AFSister said...

Or it could have been "RAISINS? You mean I died for 72 RAISINS... not VIRGINS?. Aw... sh**"

(If you're not sure what I mean by 72 raisins... there's been some talk lately about the misinterpretation of the "72 virgins" promise. See this: http://www.guardian.co.uk/religion/Story/0,2763,631357,00.html


Ah... SWEET (raisin) VICTORY!

Anonymous said...

you mean to say he was actually dumb enough to _have a computer_, which he used for *anything* other than playing solitaire and minesweeper?!

sheesh. if that's the case, then he deserved to get kilt for just plain stupidity alone. seems like the only dude in al-quaeda with ANY brains is osama...

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'm sure our soldiers would have taken Zarqawi alive if at all possible. "Dead men tell no tales," but I'm sure the Z-man would have squealed like a stuck pig and would have ratted out even his own mother. Bullies like him talk big but are basically just cowards.

Which makes one wonder why we bombed him instead of trying to take him alive?

Garry K

Rorschach said...

Anon there makes a point I have wondered, why didn't we just send in a SEAL or Recon team to clear the house? surely a live and squawking Z-man would have been more useful intel wise, besides if he had a 'puter, I would expect the HD is pretty well trashed what with a 1000 pounds of HE going off close aboard like that.

That said, I would not be at all suprised if he had been captured some days earlier, milked for everything he had, and then returned to the scene of the crime just in time to say hello to Allah.

KCSteve said...

I heard someone suggest the wonderful idea of announcing that the $25M bounty was going to be split amongst the top several AQ in Iraq folks. Sure, they'll all know that it's mostly bogus, but they'll all wonder about at least one of the others...