Wrote this one -- Good God, December 2002! -- over at www.thehighroad.org.
I have seen the future of America, and I'm here to tell you it bloody well looks bleak from where I sit.
One of the guys at the department brought a videotape to work today and told us that if we wanted to see some truly funny and pathetic stuff, we should watch it.
I am sorry to say, we did.
Apparently somebody, somewhere has decided to spring scary situations on unsuspecting people, and film their reactions for the edification of the masses.
I know what you're thinking. And I probably should go into a rant about the disgusting practice of terrifying people for the purpose of filming their terror so so that Joe Sixpack can be amused, but no.
No, friends and neighbors, the truly horrifying thing about this show is the gormless, gutless - pardon my French: nutless reactions of the victims.
Folks, I have just seen two fairly large young men who are escorting a cute young lady climb into a taxi-cab and when the taxi driver refuses to stop the cab (and even goes so far as to begin driving through structures) these two outstanding examples of the knuckle-dragging half of the species don't do a damned thing except bleat at the driver to stop!
Are you kidding me?!
You've got a maniac cab driver bellowing about not going back to jail and driving like a sulphur-reeking bat over, and through, the scenery; and you've got a lady screaming hysterically in the front seat and what do these two putzes do?
[snivel]"Look, you need to stop. Really. Please stop the car."[/snivel]
Jumping Judas priest on a flaming pogo stick!
Are you telling me that between the two of those -- I can't call them men, because I swear to God that there can't be enough testosterone between the two of them to sprout one single solitary chest hair -- between the two of those ... things ... they didn't have one right cross? A chokehold? Hell, the two of them couldn't just snatch the driver over the back of his seat and pummel the ever-living Cheeze-Whiz out of him?
Look, I know and understand that the brainwashed little honyocks would probably wet their knickers at the thought of touching, much less carrying, a gun, but they didn't have one single, dad-blasted pocket-knife somewhere?
[snivel]"Look, we're getting scared. We don't like this."[/snivel]
Well, no ****, Sherlock! Bloody well express your feelings later, do something about the idiot right the hell now!
Jesus, Mary and Joseph, since when the hell did snivelling become the American response to Bad Stuff Happening?
I swear to God that the touchy-feely hippie jackanapes have ruined this whole country.
This is what passes as humor?! I'm here to tell you the only God-****ed thing that would have been funny about that whole situation would have been if one of those lads would have screwed a .38 into the drivers' ear and caused the goober to drench his drawers.
That would have been funny.
No-ooo. We get whimpering and snivelling. And everybody out thataway seems to think this is normal.
Is someone yanking my chain? At one time we were the mightiest nation on the face of God's green earth, and we're reduced to this?
We're toast. We are absolutely, undeniably toast. Bloody hell.
And I hope like hell that the little darling in the front seat wasn't planning on canoodling with one of the victims later -- I don't know about California, but here in Texas we have laws concerning intimate relations with sheep.
Bloody well a case of Aggravated Sexual Assault of a Farm Animal, I swear to God.
My thoughts upon this subject have see-sawed since I wrote that piece. Every day there are guys-and-gals on the ground in Afghanistan and Iraq who do me proud.
On the other paw, for every gunny sergeant who gets blown up by an IED, then stands up and gives the insurgents the old One Digit Salute, we get an Ehren Watada.
For every wounded soldier who kicks, claws and bites to get back to his buddies, we've got a Micah Wright and a Jesse MacBeth lying through their snaggle teeth for the purpose of slandering those kids -- with the knowing aid of the moonbat left, I might add.
I'd like to think that America hasn't devolved into thinking that snivelling is the answer for everything, but then I see that Cindy Sheehan and Jimmy Massey have been turned into heroes by this same America, and I have to wonder.
As a student of history, I realize that this same rant has been uttered by every civilization dating back to Og and Thag; and that the Assyrians, Romans, Egyptians, Babylonians and everyone else has always bitched about the latest generation being slackers and pansies.
Knowing that Boudicca probably had a Mama Sheehan back at the old burg snivelling and protesting about the illegal and immoral war being waged against the peaceful Nero and his legions doesn't make the modern version any easier to put up with.