Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Oh, boy! Hate mail!

Not only did I get a couple of nastygrams, but the authors of such actually took the time to find my e-mail address! That's some dedicated ire, right there.

So.

To the HotMail author who decided to take me to task regarding my post on "Booby Blogging" and what that post revealed about my views of women and personal relationships:

Darlin' -- and I write that with as much condescension as is possible to heap upon one small word -- the thought of actually clicking on the links described as "boobies" and "tits" never entered your pretty little head, did it?

If you had, you would have discovered that the link for "boobies" goes to a short video of a nesting pair of blue-footed boobies.

Those are a kind of bird, sweetie.

Likewise, "tits" is a link to vid-cam footage of a nest of fledgling blue tits -- also a kind of bird.

Not only are there no mammaries, boobs, breasts, or sweater kittens in either video, there is a completely appalling lack of the female of the human species in whole, or in part, in both videos.

These are visual examples of the kind of low humour known as "puns". I'm sure that as soon as your seminar on sexist oppression lets out for the night, someone will be able to explain "puns" to you.

Bimbo. (Or himbo, let us not be sexist here.)

To the Gmail author who has decided that I hate Muslims:

Bite me, you insignificant posing hack. If you're a muslim, then I'm the heir to the throne of Ankh-Morpork. What you no doubt are -- besides a boil on the arse of humanity -- is a mono-synaptic, pimple-faced, uber-veggie, hemp-wearing, deodorant-avoiding, eco-conscious, midget-zipper-trout with delusions of adequacy; currently attempting to defend Islam because it's the cutting-edge, ultra-speed, radical-chick-attracting thing to do these days.

If you had truly read my posts at TFL -- other than the one necessary to get my e-mail addy, you brain-damaged baboon -- you wouldn't be stepping on your own wedding tackle in front of strangers.

Tell me, do: Isn't your mam getting a little tired of finding you on the front porch, face-down in a wad of chewing gum, and you with that terminally confused expression on your face?

You schmuck.

LawDog

28 comments:

DocF said...

I find it depressing that being pro-Islam is suddenly chic in the US of all countries.

That speaks volumes for the abysmal state of public relations hell that we're in right now. If we can't even keep our own population (who, whether they like it or not, wear big "infidel" targets on their foreheads) remembering who the murdering thugs are, we've long lost the rest of the world.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I'm a feminist, and an academic at that (I'm also an NRA member and avid shooter), but I thought the boobies and tits thing was funny. Not *all* of us are without a sense of humor...of course, real oppression of women is no laughing matter, either...

Anonymous said...

When I was an undergraduate, I designed a t-shirt for my floor (7North) as each year we had a unique t-shirt. One year we had the simpsons comic book guy saying "Best. Floor. Evar."

So my shirt had a picture of those same beautiful birds, and the large words "YAY FOR BOOBIES!"

It's really funnier when you see it. The birds look like they're dancing and yelling.

Sean said...

Yay! Pratchett reference!

Hammer said...

After that pro-islam poseur reads your post he won't have enough ass left to keep his balls of the sheets.

Anonymous said...

Ok LawDog, You're not allowed to have any more pun. :^)

Anonymous said...

Lawdawg, you have a command of polite invective that can only be admired. Wellsaid and well done sir!

- 'nuther (former) Lawdawg in AZ

Anonymous said...

"I find it depressing that being pro-Islam is suddenly chic in the US of all countries."

I don't know why, considering these are the kids of the slugs that were pro VC or the same slugs themselves.

Bertha said...

Hey, send 'er over to my blog, where I post pictures of my cat under the title of "Everyone check out my pussy!"

Hobie said...

I am laughing my ass off, I swear, that was a truly inspired post. Aren't some folks just a little too focused on single issues AND hateful? God bless you.

BTW, I'm leaning towards complete distrust of Muslims. I'm beginning to think that the religion is actually a cult albeit a very successful one and that the leaders of this group are by and large simply exploiting the members.

BryanP said...

Heir to the throne ... I knew it! I always suspected that Lawdog was secretly Captain Carrot.

Vimes will always be my favorite though.

Anonymous said...

No, I think the Lawdog is more a Vimes. Which brings a terrible thought to his mind: who`s his Nobbs on the local force?

Andrew

ben said...

I have been in the muslim world and came back trying to fight personal prejudices from their culture along. I guess though if you just dont like someone after being around em it isn't a prejudice though so don't worry about it anymore.

Really got a kick out of your replies to the fan club who emailed you, was indeed inspired. You did forget to tell that one to stop chewing alka seltzer though. The other one prbly just needs to chill a while with her girl friend.

Jenna said...

I'm wth Sean. A man that can reference historical, religious, and political ideas... AND Quote Pratchett?

Lawdog.... You're my hero. (Well, my fiance's. I think your pretty neat too.)

As for the boobies? If you don't examine a link before getting your knickers in a wad, I fail to see how it is anyone's fault but your own. So -raspberry- to the whiner.

Sorry, big papers due this week at Uni, its reducing my brain to rather childish levels.

Dregan said...

Yeah, Lawdog definately is Vimes come to real life...

Hobie-
"I'm beginning to think that the religion is actually a cult albeit a very successful one and that the leaders of this group are by and large simply exploiting the members."

-All religion is a cult of one kind or another, it's all just a matter of scale and social acceptability.

And no, I'm not an athiest or anything like that.

bjbarron said...

"I'm beginning to think that the religion is actually a cult albeit a very successful one and that the leaders of this group are by and large simply exploiting the members."

You aren't alone. This religion is a failed experiment in controlling a restive population.

They had a few fleeting years of civilization in a few population centers half a millenia ago...and nothing but sand, flies, pain, and hate since.

Worthless. What have they contributed to the world since one of them stumbled on 'zero'.

Without oil, they'd still be moping around the desert like the barbarians they are. God weeps over these people.

Oldfart said...

Only the most intelligent people have the knack and the vocabulary to properly insult those who are too stupid to recognize an ordinary insult. The Dawg has done good. I am in awe.

Anonymous said...

FUCK U U DUMASS REDNECK

DirtCrashr said...

And they got "zero" from the Hindus.

Jay G said...

Is it just me, or is the inability to spell "dumbass" correctly just pegging the ol' irony-meter?

gmcraff said...

Anonymous said...

F*** U U DUMASS REDNECK

Ah, I see MENSA has been linking to the Lawdog, again.

Myself, I thought the Pratchett reference was the cherry on top of a decadent banana split.

Tam said...

"FUCK U U DUMASS REDNECK"

Hey, Anonymous, does your mom know you have the WebTV keyboard?

mediageek said...

Getting insulted by lawdog is, I imagine, a bit like being run down by a Ferrari. The person on the receiving end is just completely incapable of appreciating the craftsmanship.

kateykakes said...

*bows to Lawdog*

I'm not worthy!


You, sir, are awesome.

Great post, LD.

Anonymous said...

Getting insulted by lawdog is, I imagine, a bit like being run down by a Ferrari. The person on the receiving end is just completely incapable of appreciating the craftsmanship

Amazing. I am adding this to my sig.

Cliffsmom said...

"F*#K U U DUMASS REDNECK"

Is that you Ayman al-Kawahri?

Dave said...

"F*#K U U DUMASS REDNECK"

Wow...betcha it took em days to dream that one up.

Boy, in case ya didn't notice, LawDog rocks! Sit back and enjoy the feast.

"gunner" said...

what a classic reaming! it took me a moment to catch the prachett reference, i enjoy his work but he's not one of my "top authors" that place is reserved for heinlein and poul anderson, anyway, a salute. (raising glass of tullamore dew.)