Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Oh, come on now ...

Bit of excitement around the old homestead.

Couple of life-long residents of the local State Correctional Facility decide that they are not content with the quality of the living conditions, service, that kind of thing, and that it will simply
not do to complete their life sentences in such a place, so they take it into their heads to do a bit of an unauthorized walkabout.

Since this kind of thing figures fairly high on the list of expected activities, both inmates were spotted legging it over the horizon, and were ID'd in no time flat.

Names and descriptions are sent to the local PD and SO, to be disseminated at First Shift Briefing, said walkabout having occurred somewhat before the crack of dawn.

'Round about 10-ish in the A.M., a Concerned Citizen calls 911 and reports a couple of suspicious men hot-footing it down her alley.

PD sends a unit who locates these suspicious men, who immediately decides that these men strongly match the descriptions of the amscrayed State critters.

Now, pay attention, because this is the kind of thing I have to deal with everyday: the officer asks the two men what their names are. Both men give false names.

The officer chats for a bit more, then asks if it would be possible -- rules, you understand -- for him to see some form of ID?

The critters totally understand, this is the way of the world these days, can't be too careful, and they hand over their
State-issued Prison Inmate ID cards. With their TRUE names on the front, beside the mug shots.


Officer promptly skins his shooting iron, and Critter #1 prones himself out with all the grace and technical expertise you would expect from a life-long critter.

#2, being of somewhat sterner stuff, promptly shags it towards a local creek ahead of back-up, hits the water, and heads for the bottom in hopes of confounding pursuit.

Since this is Texas -- in September -- this means that about eight inches of the inmate were sticking out above the inch-and-three-quarters of running water.

He was stealthily creeping his way downstream -- slithering slowly from pebble to pebble in the North Texas sunshine-- when about two metric tons worth of PD officers, SO deputies, and Texas Ranger landed on his back.




Assrot said...

And the 2nd one probably wonders why he wound up in prison. Tell him he is too gotdam stupid to be anywhere else.

Janean said...

OH. My. I can't breathe for laughing!! Thanks, LD! I needed that today.

Hammer said...

I guess the masterful criminal mind eludes us once again.

Marko said...

Undoubtedly products of publick edyookayshun.

Kiki B. said...

"State-issued Prison Inmate ID cards. With their TRUE names on the front, beside the mug shots."

Are these the MENSA members who so eloquently wrote their hate prose to you, and which you mentioned in your previous post?

Hee hee! DumAsses!

KBCraig said...

Oh, lawsy!


Which one had to be "Chased"?

My particular branch of the law enforcement world deals with such geniuses on a daily basis. One of my colleagues sums it up brilliantly: "I come to work every day prepared for eight hours of amusement, and I never go home disappointed!"

Andrew said...

Well, at least the first one had the grace to admit the jig was up. Maybe he should get a small cake in appreciation.

Preferably one with a note in the center saying "No, no file. But thanks for trying."

shooter said...

*gigglesnort* Was said amscrayed state resident #2 clicking his heels together and saying, "There's no place like home!" as the DawgPile pounced on him to return him to his rightful, state-funded domicile?

Flitntlock Tom said...

Don't you miss the days when rounding up strays was a little more challenging?

But, then again, they must have had more than two brain cells to have been able to break out of the lock-up.

Rorschach said...

Apparently there are a bunch more that just took an unauthorized walkabout, led by an ex-LEO that was caught with his hand in the drug jar...

MorningGlory said...

Thanks for the giggle, LawDawg. Good to know that you and your compatriots are on the job.


kateykakes said...

LMAO! The world is full of stupid people...

Thanks for the laugh!

Barbcue Sauls said...

I needed that today!

You just gotta' wonder about some people.

reno said...

"they must have had more than two brain cells to have been able to break out of the lock-up."

You give them too much credit. They hid in the...wait for it...laundry cart. Appearantly TDC is contracting to do the laundry for an area "institution" and the gate guard dropped the ball when the truck headed out.

olympiada said...

Awesome story, thanks. I am going to send the link to my political group.