Saturday, October 21, 2006

The Ant and the Grasshopper

By way of e-mail.

The Ant &The Grasshopper, traditional version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!
_________________________________________________

The Ant &The Grasshopper, modern version:

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

CBS, NBC, PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."

Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome" before kneeling down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.

Nancy Pelosi and John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Larry King that the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share."

Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act", retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of federal judges that Bill "no pants" Clinton appointed from a list of single-parent welfare recipients.

The ant loses the case.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens to be the ant's old house, crumbles around him because he doesn't maintain it. The ant has disappeared in the snow. The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Intelligently!

*sigh*


It'd be funny except for the fact that it's true.

LawDog

5 comments:

Hammer said...

That should be illustrated into a childrens book, then distributed via happy meals.

Anonymous said...

That's a great re-write. Now I'll be up all night thinking about it and getting annoyed.

By the way, here's a brilliant piece at Blackfive describing the media's myopia with regards to the nuance of the North Korea situation. They miss the nuance because they don't respect the source. (I didn't know where else to post this, but I thought you'd appreciate it.)

Great blog, keep up the good work.

Formerflyer
http://www.blackfive.net/main/2006/10/cowboy_talk.html

Anonymous said...

"Hammer said...
That should be illustrated into a childrens book, then distributed via happy meals."



I would sign that petition.

Anonymous said...

The ant and the grasshopper are on their death beds and reflecting on their lives. The grasshopper is caught up in the memory of a perfect summer evening when he was playing "Midnight on the Water" and two of the dancers were totally in love, and knew how to waltz, and there came a moment when the whole world was in his fiddle, and he dies, content.

123 123 said...

Interesting story as for me. It would be great to read something more about this topic.
By the way check the design I've made myself High class escort