Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Colidge stoodenz

Blogworld has been buzzing regarding the treatment of Minuteman Project founder Jim Gilchrist at Columbia University in New York.

Apparently he was invited to speak by one set of students, and during his speech he was rushed and run over by another set of students.

Lots of people out there venting their spleens over the actions of these kids and the lack of reaction by the staff at Columbia -- as well they should.

College kids -- unless things have changed drastically since my college daze -- are a seething mass of hormones, away from home for the first time and possessing no significant Life Experience; desperately seeking guidance whilst being supervised by folks with less life experience than the kids.

In other words, if you're the cynical, twisted type college kids can be fun to play with.

Bunch of college kids got riled up by a PeTA-favouring perfesser and proceeded to picket the commons area of the university then being attended by an Anonymous Furry Individual of the Legal Canine Type and His Brother.

I'd like to say that Chris and I were attempting to make a point, but the truth is, we were having fun playing with the pawns.

Anyhoo, upon discovering the demonstration, Chris and I hot-footed it over to the library, found some lovely pictures of a frilled lizard and proceeded to violate several copyrights by using it to make placards, catchily labeled:

SAVE THE NAUGA!

NAUGAHYDE BELONGS ON NAUGAS -- NOT SOFAS!

(and my personal favourite)

NAUGAS NEED LOVE, TOO!

Thereupon, we promptly fell in behind the demonstrators and began waving our signs, bellowing slogans and yelping creative curses.

Took all of about ten minutes to get the entire bunch to chant -- in harmony -- "Naugahyde belongs on naugas -- not sofas!"

Whenever one of the little darlings would start to twig that things might be a little off, I'd get in front of them, wave my sign and passionately shriek: "DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY NAUGAS IT TAKES TO MAKE ONE NAUGAHYDE SEAT?"

They'd usually look a little embarrassed and then fervently join in the chanting.

The piece de resistance was when Chris hi-jacked the bull-horn and gave an extemporaneous speech about the degrading conditions on nauga ranches. His description of baby naugas being torn from the loving claws of their mothers didn't leave a dry eye within earshot; and his vivid retelling of how the nauga rancher would harvest the skins by forcing the naugas to drink hydric acid -- the sadistic bastard -- was inspired.

Then we unarsed the A.O. and let the little darlins stew over the plight of the poor naugas until one of the more worldly of the professors stomped into the crowd and announced in withering tones exactly what a nauga was -- or wasn't in this case -- and what hydric acid was.

Kind of took the wind out of the kiddies sails.

*snerk*

LawDog

17 comments:

Rabbit said...

My ex, whose father was (gasp!) an upholsterer(!) made her her very own Nauga. Stuffed, I tell you! Fattest little Nauga I ever did see. It lived on top of the mirror of the dresser in the bedroom, where it picked spiders from the ceiling fan for sustenance and enjoyed its' little happy brown and dayglo orange life.

Miss the Nauga, don't miss her.

Regards,
Rabbit.

Michael Llaneza said...

You even made props. Brilliant.

Graumagus said...

I'm currently working on a new hybrid engine that runs off of the rendered fat of baby seals.

It was the best way I could think of to get a government grant to buy new golf clubs.

Anonymous said...

You should have gone further and enlisted them in the campaign against dihydrogen monoxide, an insidious and ubiquitous compound responsible for thousands of deaths and injuries every year. More info can be found here: http://www.dhmo.org/facts.html

Hammer said...

I always wondered what critters had to die to make the seats in my 1977 chevy nova. Thanks legal canine!

Erik said...

Hydric acid is also known as dihydrogen monoxide... Poor little Naugas, having to drink that...

Tim Covington said...

This reminds me of the exploits of friends and I in college. We routinely had a preacher show up in our free speech area who was of the very definite lunatic fringe variety. Two incidents come to mind:
1. As I am walking by, he yells out "the only reasons you are going to college is for sex and inebriation." I yelled back, "If that's the case, I want my money back. Because I'm not getting any of either one."
Another time, he started telling us we were all playing hopscotch to hell. So, we got some chalk and started playing hopscotch in fornt of him.

Randy in Arizona said...

Thank you and your brother for the efforts to make the stoodenz more ridiculous than usual! Didn’t take much, did it?

I had a ringside seat for the student riots in Albuquerque in the 70s - - a little bit of police presence would have gone a long way to moderate or even prevent the riots, but it didn’t happen.
Years later a different batch of stoodenz tried rioting again, a poor little gal was in the wrong place at the wrong time and caught a load from a police shotgun that pretty much ruined her for life, IIRC.

Enjoy your blog, keep it up!

RAZ

Anonymous said...

LD,

Warnings next time please!

I snorted coffee all over the keyboard halfway through!

LibraryGryffon said...

I am old enough to remember the ad campaign which featured actual naugas, stuffies made out of the stuff which looked a lot like something from "Where the Wild Things re". I remember that I wanted one. There are several for sale on ebay as I write this, including a quite vile pair in green and red.

HollyB said...

You are evil, and so is your Bro. And you MUST immediately be pushed onto a Throne and Crowned the King of Evil Sarcasm and Tweaking of Twits.
Long Live the King!
Please, Please, Your Highness, your humble servent beseeches you to rid your kingdom of the vile word verification.

Anonymous said...

Eesh. I've had my twit moments, but none quite like that...yet.

And I hereby crown you King of Pranksters. Your loyal servant breathlessly awaits further teaching at your feet so more may help rid the world of fools who have not already eliminated themselves.

- ISU Tinkerer

Nathaniel Firethorn said...

Another genus of Nauga.

- NF

Dregan said...

I have learned, after much practice, to put my Diet Mountain Dew down before dialing up the 'Dog. I am glad today that I am in this habit, elsewise I would be in search of a new keyboard and monitor...

It was the hydric acid that got me. I'd heard the Nauga saga before...

Anonymous said...

I was working in a smallish shipyard back in the mid 70's and we hired a laborer who was a self proffessed "Political Vegan." This PV, who we called "Weed Eater," would rant on about us eating baloney sammiges and ruining the lives of cows and pigs. I started asking him where he got the shredded weeds he ate every day and where did he think tofu came from and did he realize that his so called "organic" veggies were being sprayed indiscriminately with highly caustic dihydrogen monoxide as freely as if it were safe as water? The dipshit actually wrote and sent a dozen or so irate letters to various politicos and eco-freindly reporters around the state and to our US Senators and Representatives. One of the State reps that lived nearby came down to the yard one day at lunchtime to shake hands and explain to Weed Eater exactly what dihydrogen monoxide was.

W.E. was not nearly as amused as the rest of us were.

He was all in favor of the gov't mandated metric conversion occuring about the same time until I told him as soon as all measures of liquids, weight and distance were converted, the Gov't. was going to mandate conversion to metric time, too. That did it. He threw another fit and started writing more letters. Slow learner.

Gerry N.

Graumagus said...

LOL! Sounds like the guys we'd send around the shop looking for a left-handed crescent wrench...

Draven said...

More people die every year from DHMO poisoning than gun violence!!!