Friday, October 20, 2006

What, again?

Six weeks after Steve Irwin got on the wrong side of a sting-ray, James Bertakis was boating along the Intracoastal Waterway somewhere around Ft. Lauderdale when, according to the Chicago Tribune, a spotted eagle ray "...burst from the water and stuck his chest with its barb."

The gutsy 81-year-old got his boat to land and called 911.

Believe it or not, according to reports the spike nailed him in the ticker. At this time, the stickee is reported to be alive.

Somebody -- anybody --What are the chances of two men getting run through the heart by rays within six weeks of each other?

It's a piscean plot. The insidious stingray plan to Take Over The World is beginning.

Not only that, but when you've got rays jumping out of the water to stick a target in a moving boat, it becomes fairly obvious that you're dealing with Ninja rays.

I don't know about y'all, but I'm going to be checking the khazi for infiltrators and sneaking up on the kitchen sink for the next month or so, just to be safe.

LawDog

11 comments:

Matt G said...

Frickin' chordates, flickin' around their barbed notochords! They're almost as bad as the phylum mollusca. (We all know about about those bad clams...)

Hammer said...

I was thinking the same thing. Time to start swimming with body armor.

Anonymous said...

Oh, it's not just stingrays, these guys are bringing the war closer to our doorsteps.

Brass

ben said...

I read that what saved him was he was unable to pull the stinger out. He also I think had others in the boat who actually did the saving. Doctors were able to remove the stinger under semi controlled conditions.

Mr Irwin pulled the stinger out of his heart which left a pretty big hole even if his great heart kept on beating.

Assrot said...

I think there might be a little divine intervention at work with this one. I have been fishing, swimming, boating, water-skiing and diving in the Intracoastal Waterway and off the eastern shore of south Florida since 1977. In that time I have seen and been up close with hundreds of "stingrays". I've never had one bother me. They have always taken off in the other direction when I got too close. The only time I ever saw one hurt anybody is when a guy caught one on his fishing pole in the waterway. Instead of cutting the line and letting it go, he had to fuck around. So he got a nice long barb buried to the bone in his thigh. Stupid SOB got what he deserved. Some people you just can't reach. Some people are just plain unlucky. The stupid have an answer for everything.

gleanhead said...

Algor will probably figger out that these incidents are related to global warming.

bjbarron said...

I donno...I think stingrays have been pissed since Chevy changed the body style in '68.

Rico said...

Jump out of the water into the boat? I don't think so. Likely there was some fishing (let alone some alcohol) involved in this incident.

Anonymous said...

gleanhead - Already saw/heard on TV an "expert" blaming this on global warming. Right about the time Estes Park (CO) was getting 8 - 11 inches of snow.
Don't get rid of your insulated boots or fur coats (take that, PETA) just yet. OldeForce

Anonymous said...

Allow me to be the first to welcome our stingray overlords.

-DocF

Justin said...

"Not only that, but when you've got rays jumping out of the water to stick a target in a moving boat, it becomes fairly obvious that you're dealing with Ninja rays."

Facts:

1. Ninja rays are fish.
2. Ninja rays fight ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the ninja ray is to flip out and kill people.



Apologies. This was the first thing that came to mind.