Saturday, March 10, 2007

A Public Service Announcement

Ladies and Gentlemen.

We here at The LawDog Files have a vested interest in the civil rights of everyone (actually, we have serious interest in not doing any more work than is strictly necessary) -- including critters.

In this spirit we would like provide these simple rules to surviving Your First Trip In Front Of The Judge.

1) Any legal advice you decide to follow should come from a lawyer. A quick tip here: if the name of the person giving you advice is anything along the lines of "8-Ball", "Animal", "Two-Step", or similar, then that person is probably not a lawyer.

Also, if the advice came from your Bestest Buddy in college, check and make sure your Bestest Buddy majored in Law.

And we should not have to mention that any legal advice given to you by a person who has yet to graduate High School should be taken with a large dose of salt.

2) It is never a bad idea to be polite. Nobody ever wound up with Contempt of Court charges for saying, "Sir", "Please", or "Your Honour". Telling the judge that he is a fat mother[deleted], a [deleted], [deleted] or even a [deleted]ing [deleted], on the other paw, will guarantee you an extended stay at the Greybar Bed and Breakfast.

3) When in doubt, or if courtesy, civility or good manners decide to temporarily depart your person, bear in mind that Silence Is Golden.

4) You are not going to win an argument with a judge in his own courtroom. Not going to happen. Ever.

5) When the judge says, "That's another three days Contempt of Court. Are you finished?" that is what is what is commonly referred to as "A Clue". It means that you should cease and desist from doing whatever it was that caused the judge to say, "Contempt of Court". Really.

6) Contempt of Court charges are served day for day. You can not receive good time credit for Contempt; there is no probation; there is no fine to pay, and you can't bond out on Contempt of Court charges. That means, if you talk yourself into 45 days Contempt of Court, you're going to serve all 45 days.

7) Last, but not least -- if the nice deputy has to snatch you out of the courtroom for violating Rules 2,3,4 and 5, you have just caused him extra paperwork. He does not like extra paperwork, and will probably be somewhat annoyed.

There are several different ways of getting from the courtroom to the jail. The words, "Get your [deleted]ing hands off me, you punk-[deleted] [deleted]!" said to an annoyed deputy will ensure that the most comfortable way will not be the one taken.

Thank you for your attention.

LawDog

7 comments:

Rick T said...

Come on Lawdog, drop the other shoe... How much time was the critter looking at if he had kept his yap shut???

LawDog said...

It was a traffic ticket. He could have paid the $150.00 fine, or he could have stayed in jail for another three hours, and served it out.

No-oooo. He had to get stupid with the judge.

In 45 days, we'll take him back before the judge and he can plea to the ticket.

In a month and a half.

Pgrl said...

Wow, he owes we the taxpayer for room and board! That is quite annoying.

Stephen Renico said...

Here is another helpful public service announcement, courtesy of Chris Rock:

How Not to Get Your Ass Kicked by the Police

Anonymous said...

Well, that's 45 days more you don't have to worry about that idiot on the streets...

Rick T said...

45 days instead of 3 hours!!!!

My God, Lawdog, how can that critter find the floor without directions???

My guess is he was under 21 and had never had a NO that meant anything before...

OldeForce said...

Good advice! Had my local PD call me to say there was a bench warrant out for me! I hadn't appeared in court on a long-standing parking ticket - notice of which I'd never received. Turned out my friendly used-car dealer was using a car I returned [a story for another day] as a parts car, and hadn't taken my plates off it. [Which was my fault, and I apologize.] Car had been left in front of a bar for about 36 hours. Went before a judge who would be nice to the first perp and rip a new lower orifice for the next. Guess which one I was?
The ticket was written for the right car and on the right plate, but for a green car, which was realy dark red. Bad ticket = no ticket in my state. Judge was spitting, screaming, and that pulse up at his temple was trying to break free. And I stood there, very quiet, looking sad and contrite, all the time thinking that in 10 minutes I'm out of here. Oh, six months later he's made a superior court judge.