Thursday, May 31, 2007

I bow before AD...

... for he has actually been in the presence of Sumdood.

I have chased that smarmy little bugger for the last 14 years -- and have yet to lay eyes on him.

The list and tally of his nefarious crimes is long indeed, and AD and others have mentioned some of his most infamous activities, but they have neglected to mention Sumdood's most cunning act of evil:

He owns a clothing factory.

Yes. It is true.

When he gets gets bored, Sumdood will go down to the warehouse and he will pick an article of clothing -- usually pants, but sometimes a shirt -- then he will go to his lair deep below the basement of the IRS office and he will pick one of his collection of stolen guns -- or maybe a quantity of unlawful recreational pharmaceuticals -- and he will place this inside one of the pockets.

Once this is done, Sumdood will choose a random address from the phone book, go to this residence inhabited solely by the most devout missionaries, and he will leave this article of clothing on the floor, where one of these goodly people will pick it up and wear it into the street, unaware that Sumdood is following them.

And then, then the true depths of Sumdood's vileness is revealed -- for when our guileless innocent passes within proper distance of a Minion of the Law, Sumdood will cause the attention of that Minion to become fixed upon our puir, wee lambikins, out doing God's work.

"What's this?", inquires said Minion, bringing forth into the light a ziploc baggie containing about three ounces of a pale yellow, crystalline substance.

"Man, these aren't my pants!"

"Whose pants are they, then?"

"Sumdood's!"

Genius. Sheer genius.

And it's not just clothing, either. Reno informs me that just last month it was discovered that Sumdood has branched out into the used car business -- and is using them in drive-by shootings before foisting them off onto his unsuspecting victims.

Can you imagine the shock of the poor, unwitting pigeons upon learning that not five minutes earlier, Sumdood was shooting up a neighborhood from the passenger window of the car -- the very car! -- that they are now driving?

He must be stopped.

LawDog

24 comments:

CrankyProf said...

Wow. That Sumdood gets around. Not only did he maraud about Texas and points south, he managed to skip out on several of my Comp classes, miss the final and fail to turn in his thesis, he also ran afoul of my husband, the Cranky Federal Officer, by engaging in marriage fraud.

Busy little sucker.

Ambulance Driver said...

I tell you, Sumdood is bent upon wreaking havoc on all of mankind.

He is Evil, and he must be destroyed.

Gabrielle Eden said...

Man, I'm not sure I got that story though I tried to read it over a few times. Lawdog, I wanted to tell you that I respect your craft. I got your site from my cousin, and noticed the unprecedented number of visits to your profile. i asked earlier how so many have found your website, but my cousin informed me it is purely word of mouth traveling fast around the internet. So I came back to read more and was entertained by the way you reacted to that article on Islamic law regarding adults breastfeeding. Hilarious! Accolades to you Lawdog! I thought police were supposed to be kinda stupid. Not so.

Chris in SE TX said...

LD, great post! I was a little skeptical when I read AD's post on Sumdood, thinking he may be making it up, but you've confirmed my fears: Sumdood is real.

Come to think of it, I have heard people say that Sumdood must have taken their parking ticked from their windshield before they could find it! That is just plain mean, taking someone's parking tickets and leaving them no way to pay them before they get in trouble!

He must be stopped. Godspeed to both of you!

Matt G said...

"LD, great post! I was a little skeptical when I read AD's post on Sumdood, thinking he may be making it up, but you've confirmed my fears: Sumdood is real."

Oh, he's real all right. So are his sidekicks, ThisGuy (AKA "ThisGuySee?"), his brother SumGuy, and their buddy AGuy (Last name: Nev'MetB'Foe).

Rorschach said...

Sumdood has another name, he is lucifer, Satan, he cannot be defeated, for he can and does inhabit and possess the unsuspecting and forces them to do all manner of vile deeds without the person's knowledge.

Sumdood said...

Run run as fast as you can, you can't catch me i'm Sumdood man. I prowl about when no one is looking. When cornered i can up and vanish like a fart in the wind. I prey on those amoung you with a weak constitution and can manipulate almost anyone. I am slick and fast and Lawdog, you will never catch me. Good Luck

William the Coroner said...

He was in Cleveland the other day, beating a dentist to death.

Kristopher said...

sumdood:

You left yer IP address.

Or was that from a PC belonging to sumotherdood?

Old NFO said...

ROTFLMAO! Great one LD... Up here in side the Beltway his alias is them, those and they.

"they" are responsible, not me...
Talk to "them" about "those" rules, I didn't do it...

Bob said...

Had a chain man one time, who when stopped, after only having only TWO beers, was amazed when the nice Officer found the better part of an ounce of meth in his watch pocket. Seems Sumdude borrowed his Levis the night before.
Bit later on after the misinformed judge found him guilty of possession, he flunked the whizz quiz because Sumdude had given him the wrong stuff for his headache.
Then come deer season Sumdude told him it was OK for him to use firearms even though he was on probation.
Last I heard Kenny and Sumdude are still best of friends.

ERnursey said...

Out here in Cali, Sumdood hangs around with his cousin. It's 'those two doods'

dfwmtx said...

The abilities of this Sumdood, the Cupola beers that give people a .08 blood-alcohol level, and these strange legal classes that criminals attend; all these are evidence I must've passed into Bizarro World.

Cybrludite said...

He's got a partner here at $HOSPITAL. Whenever I get called out on a computer that's been loaded down with spyware, toolbars, and online games to the point that it runs like an 8088, it was always the evil Dayshift that was playing around on our equipment.

Matt G said...

"I saw Sumdood drinkin' a pina colada at Trader Vic's--
His hair was perfect."

Sarah said...

MattG...No way! THAT was Sumdood? He's one dangerous man, "He'll rip your lungs out Jim!"

BobG said...

""I saw Sumdood drinkin' a pina colada at Trader Vic's--
His hair was perfect.""

Since that was in London, are you sure it wasn't his British cousin, Sumbloke?

Ambulance Driver said...

"I saw Sumdood drinkin' a pina colada at Trader Vic's--
His hair was perfect."

Can't. Breathe. Laughing. Too. Hard...

Kiki B. said...

Don't forget his girlfriends, SumHo and ABitch. We are privileged people to have such innocent, God-fearing, church-going, law-abiding folk in our midst. Or, so they think in their own minds.

Simeron Steelhammer said...

LD...I hate to inform you of this but, I have it on good athority, being dwarven in nature and knowing my brews after all, that Sumdood also has the recipe and sole distribution rights and methods of the dreaded...TOOBEERS.

Yes...yes that's right. The very TOOBEERS you are seeking to find. The ones the hapless people are drinking right before...well...you know.

LD...Get backup...lots of backup. Maybe even more then Reno will be needed on this one. He has to be stopped and AD and FP can't do it alone even if they think they can. Sumdood is just...evil incarnate.

I mean, what's next on his list of WoT (Weapons of Terror)....reality TV shows where people make fools of themselves while a tribunal of judges berate and belittle them or worse yet, a crime show that shows non-LEOs doing super sciency high tech crime fighting that makes the Bat Computer look like a broken Abacus?

*snicker* Sorry..I couldn't help myself...forgive me...wait...put the guns down people...EEEPPP!

Dave McCombs said...

He's also well known for clogging house drains with grease.

Every time we go out on a call for a stopped-up house sewer line in a part of town occupied by certain elements of a certain socio-economic group, we find a pipe full of grease. When we bring it to the attention of the resident, we are always assured that they didn't pour that grease down their drains...it was...

"Sum Otha Dood!"

1389 said...

Then there's "Nobody."

When something of mine disappears, and I ask if anybody knows where it went, it's always "Nobody could have taken it."

Yeah, right.

Anonymous said...

Her in the ER we have the marauding criminals "two dudes" who attack innocents who are standing on the corner minding their own business (SOCMOB). The Two Dudes generally get in fist or knife fights, but Some Guy walks around with a gun- watch out for him.

And the Just Two Beers club must be making their own, because I've never found a brand with that much kick.

I'll give you a link-

http://forums.studentdoctor.net/showthread.php?t=257985

John B said...

He doesn't confine his predations to the street. As a Network Coordinator, large, and in charge, of our network. I heard it all the time. "Sumdood, was on my computer last night, all the settings are effed up!"

The foul reign of Sumdood, must be stopped! It's a sacred quest!