... for he has actually been in the presence of Sumdood.
I have chased that smarmy little bugger for the last 14 years -- and have yet to lay eyes on him.
The list and tally of his nefarious crimes is long indeed, and AD and others have mentioned some of his most infamous activities, but they have neglected to mention Sumdood's most cunning act of evil:
He owns a clothing factory.
Yes. It is true.
When he gets gets bored, Sumdood will go down to the warehouse and he will pick an article of clothing -- usually pants, but sometimes a shirt -- then he will go to his lair deep below the basement of the IRS office and he will pick one of his collection of stolen guns -- or maybe a quantity of unlawful recreational pharmaceuticals -- and he will place this inside one of the pockets.
Once this is done, Sumdood will choose a random address from the phone book, go to this residence inhabited solely by the most devout missionaries, and he will leave this article of clothing on the floor, where one of these goodly people will pick it up and wear it into the street, unaware that Sumdood is following them.
And then, then the true depths of Sumdood's vileness is revealed -- for when our guileless innocent passes within proper distance of a Minion of the Law, Sumdood will cause the attention of that Minion to become fixed upon our puir, wee lambikins, out doing God's work.
"What's this?", inquires said Minion, bringing forth into the light a ziploc baggie containing about three ounces of a pale yellow, crystalline substance.
"Man, these aren't my pants!"
"Whose pants are they, then?"
Genius. Sheer genius.
And it's not just clothing, either. Reno informs me that just last month it was discovered that Sumdood has branched out into the used car business -- and is using them in drive-by shootings before foisting them off onto his unsuspecting victims.
Can you imagine the shock of the poor, unwitting pigeons upon learning that not five minutes earlier, Sumdood was shooting up a neighborhood from the passenger window of the car -- the very car! -- that they are now driving?
He must be stopped.