The most popular downloaded news video is the announcement that Paris Hilton is off to the pokey.
The only -- and I mean only -- newsworthy bit about this whole thing is that it illustrates the African-Rift-Valley-sized gap between "celebrities" -- and I use that word broadly -- and everyone else.
Allow me to explain.
Around here, when you violate your probation, the local Community Supervision department goes to the judge who placed you on probation and gets a Violation of Probation warrant.
Sometimes they get a Motion to Revoke warrant, but it's usually a VOP.
Since you have already proven that you will not abide by agreements you enter in to, VOP warrants are usually No Bond warrants.
This is then punted off to the Sheriff's Office, who goes and gets your happy butt and tosses you into General Population at the jail.
About the time you bounce into the GenPop unit, the judge is notified and you get penciled into the busy court docket wherever they have room -- it's going to be a while.
You languish in GenPop until your hearing date, when you will be put into a belly-chain and shackles and brought before the judge -- wearing a yellow jumpsuit.
A probation hearing is usually fairly short:
"Is this your signature?"
"Just above your signature, there is a sentence, 'Shall not do X.'"
"These witnesses/this evidence prove(s) you did X."
"Can you prove otherwise?"
And your happy butt goes back to GenPop for whatever length of time the judge feels to be appropriate.
Did anyone see anything like this happen to Whatsername?
Her parents -- who expressed their opinions most firmly during the hearing, a kittenish act which usually results in getting escorted out of court and/or contempt charges -- feel most strongly that their daughter is being singled out because of who she is.
They got that one right.
When the VOP charges were issued, Young Miss got to run around wild and free until her hearing date. Anyone, you know -- Not Famous -- would have been dragged out of their car, house, place of work in handcuffs and spent that same period of time in jail.
Young Miss got to show up for her hearing in classy, understated, not-County-issue clothes. I believe we've covered the whole yellow jumpsuit thing for anyone else.
When Young Miss got her butt revoked, she left the courtroom and went home -- ordered to show up to serve her time in a month. Anyone else goes straight back to GenPop from court.
Young Miss will serve her sentence in Protective Custody, no one to sneak up on her in the middle of the night, no mass showers, no bargaining for what TeeVee show gets played on the communal TeeVee, no figuring out your place in the tank pecking order. Anyone else gets General Population -- see previous.
I realize that we are not related, but I have some advice for you. Having some experience with the corrections system, I suggest that when you get to Intake, tell the receiving officer that you're going to hurt yourself.
Tell that officer that the very thought of bars makes you suicidal, and do not allow them to dissuade you from this.
And they will attempt to. They will announce in tones most dire that you really aren't suicidal. They may even accuse you of faking it. Stick to your guns!
Once they figure out that you might hurt yourself in their care, they will treat you with kid gloves. Sympathy will flow forth, and your stay will be much more comfortable.