Thursday, August 09, 2007

This is exactly what I'm talking about ...

The Mustang Ranch is back in private hands and open for business once again.

For those Gentle Readers who may be less-worldly than others, the Mustang Ranch was, at one time, the largest brothel in Nevada as well as being the first licensed bordello in that State.

However, while interesting, this is not the part of it's history that is really fascinating. What we're interested in is this little tid-bit buried way down in the article: after several years of tax shenanigans by the owner, the Mustang Ranch became the first (Official. Licensed.) brothel run by the United States Federal Government.

They lost money.

Let us allow that simple, yet profound, truth sink into our synapses, shall we?

The Federal Government of the United States can not run a bordello and make money.

One cathouse. Just one. Not "one in every state". Not "one whether you think you need it or not". Just one single legal bawdy-house with an already-established customer base.

And they couldn't keep it out of the red.

Now, this is just my opinion, but if your money-handling skills are so poor that you can't even make a profit selling sex, then you have absolutely no business getting involved in more complicated financial areas.

In other words, if "Slam, bam, thank you ma'am, here's a hundred bucks" is too complicated for you to make a profit, then you might just want to keep your meat-hooks out of, say -- health care.

So, the next time some bright-eyed little bit starts chanting about "Universal Health Care", I'm going to loudly and firmly opine that until the Federal Government is capable of running a profitable brothel ... they've got no business trying to run my health care.

LawDog

42 comments:

Diane said...

I'd love to see the government financial statements on this.

There's a certain irony here: the government seized the place because of back taxes owed, yet the government could not turn a profit (which would generate the tax revenue they are looking for).

Good grief.

Pop said...

Now, THAT is profound! What an observation!
-Pop

Babs RN said...

Heh Hehhhh...Perfect.

Erik said...

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D.W. Drang said...

The problem with this reasoning is that the people who want Universal Health Care are not interested in profit.

Hammer said...

But the government has been so adept at screwing us all these years you'd thbink they could teach a bordello a thing or two.

So what is the job grade of a government hooker GSG 69?

SpeakerTweaker said...

Oh, I was so gonna go to the Civil Service thing but Hammer beat me to it.

That is funny, though. hehehe...



tweaker

Anonymous said...

Back up there. They are also running your country!!
jen

Simeron said...

To Jen:

Yep and that would explain the deficit I think..*evil grin*

***

The problem was simple. You have so many forms to fill out before actually getting your visit that most folks simply dealt with the issue themselves like normal when dealing with the government.

That and the fact the government being in control meant union reps got involved and the hookers with seniority had to work first...

"Been doing this job 60 years sonny and I get ta work first!"

*snicker*

Jeff the Baptist said...

Except that the Ranch was never operated as a brothel by the Feds. All the money it earned the Feds was through auctioning it off piece by piece, not through operating it as a bordelo.

Anonymous said...

And then there was the Calico Cat Club in Battle Mountain, Nevada, where Dog's baby sister outsold her entire Girl Scout troop in cookies....
LawMom

Lynn Price said...

Beautiful. I guess the gov't. is only adept at visiting brothels, not running them. Scary stuff.

Anonymous said...

Ah, there's the Law Dog we know and love. Feeling better?

Rorschach said...

Jeff, you are wrong, the IRS DID run it as a brothel for a short time, shortly before they closed it up and proceeded to auction the furnishings off, then it was transfered to the BLM who then auctioned it off for $145,100 to a guy who moved the buildings 4 miles down the road and refurbished em. They closed it because they could not make a profit.

Jeffro said...

Hhhmmm, errrmmmm, coff coff (it's more than a hundred bucks).....

Anonymous said...

The problem was that the government is very uninformed about matters pertaining to the act itself.

You see, they're only use to performing the act one way and they do so dry, with no lubrication on an unwilling partner. It's always shall we say in the greek style, unlubricated, non-consensual, violent and may often result in death of the government's "partner". In fact, as we've seen in many cases they've produced their own "snuff" films involving unsuspecting citizens. It was real gonzo stuff.

The thought of the act performed any other way is utterly foreign to the fedgov.

Kiki B. said...

Oh, LD! I am dying laughing. I have to say that you made your point, and it is some of your best work. As a former RN, and now more on the patient side, God bless us all(we'll need it), if the gov't. ever gets to run healthcare.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the Civil Service was the problem...

There was a union man went to Nevada once. He decided he wanted to sample some of the local fare, but being a strong union supporter, he wanted to make sure he supported a union shop.

So, he went to the first brothel and asked the madam "How does my money get distributed?"

She said "90% for the house, 10% for the girl."

That wasn't good enough for him, so he went to the next brothel and asked the madam the same question.

She said "60% for the house, 40% for the girl."

That still wasn't good enough for him, so he went to a third brothel and asked the same question of the madam.

She said "25% to the house, and 75% to the girl."

He says, "That's more like it. Here's my money, and I'd like that girl right there", pointing to a gorgeous blonde.

Instead, a decrepit looking 92 year old woman came and took his hand.

He says to the madam "Wait a minute, this isn't the girl I want."

The madam says, "You're a union man, right?"

He says, "Yes."

And the madam says "Well, Mabel here has seniority..."

DonM said...

Old Joe Conforte was quite a guy. If he gave you a business card, it was good for a freebie at the Ranch.

When I attended the University of Nevada-Reno, a young lady I knew was paying for her education by working at the ranch. I saw her at an Ulumni gathering several years later and she was a successful attorney in California with a husband and three kids. She told me that realyy her job hadn't changed much from her college days but she garnered much less respect.

Next to Last Samurai said...

Shame on you, Dog! You didn't do your homework! That's not like you. But never fear, here I am to educate everybody. I'm a jackbooted Gummint thug myself and have worked in Federal finance for the last 19 years, so on this subject, if on no other, I am qualified to speak. We in the Gummint are prohibited BY LAW from turning a profit. The closest we can come is what's called a "revolving fund," where the agency can charge its "customers" enough to keep running, and thus break even every year. So if you want to grump about the Gummint not being able to run a whorehouse at a profit, the proper target of your grumping is Congress and the President, not the IRS.

And now I must go polish my jackboots--after 19 years, they are a little worn.

911DOC said...

i was wondering why the quality there had suffered so much... i mean a friend told me it had really gone downhill recently. uh... he will be glad that it's back in private "hands".

phlegmfatale said...

well, with its page and intern programs, I thought the Senate and House were effectively brothels already.

Sitting here in my hospital bed, I got a good giggle. Brilliant post, LD!

catfish said...

Classic. Hi. I'm from the government. I'm here to help.

Jimmy said...

I wonder if in this work place, one works and several stand around and watch;)

Griff said...

Jimmy, that costs extra.

Rorschach said...

You have to wonder what OSHA rules they were required to comply with too....

Scott said...

Hahahahahahah! That is hilarious! We've all heard of the $600 toilet seat and other crap spending by the government. Maybe they lost money because they were handing out $1,000 condoms?

Robohobo said...

That is one good piece of info. Proves they truly could f-kc anything up!

Kim said...

I'm not sure if I was more surprised by the post or more entertained by the comments! : D

Anonymous said...

I've always said;(with no malice), that the "Government treats prostitutes better than they treat the tax payer"

Anonymous said...

wrong.
http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/government/a/mustang_ranch.htm

Kathy R. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bağlama Büyüsü said...

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dugi's guide review said...

Nice work on putting together a very interesting post. Fabulous ideas and very helpful information. Well thought out and well written.

Health Blog said...

Your blog is very interesting and I like to read it
How's the gov cant run the brothels lot's of revenue is obtained here in spite of very few facilities; if the private can do a good business then why the gov.

apotek dk said...

Jeg tror, at problemet var, at regeringen er meget uvidende om spørgsmål vedrørende handlingen selv.

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Handwriting expert said...

Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on this topic.

Thomas said...

These kind of post are always inspiring and I prefer to read quality content so I happy to find many good point here in the post, writing is simply great, thank you for the post

Kirk Long said...

The Mustang Ranch, originally known as the Mustang Bridge Ranch, is a brothel in Storey County, Nevada, about fifteen miles east of Reno. It is currently located at 1011 Wild Horse Canyon Dr Sparks, NV 89434.

Hugo said...

Excellent post!
Thanks for sharing!

food shop said...
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