Monday, October 22, 2007

Hanuman hates politicans. Personally.

Whole bunch of folks in India believe that certain kinds of monkeys are actually the personifications of Hanuman, the monkey god.

In consequence, the locals offer sacrifices to these avatars -- usually in the form of bananas, other fruit, and the like.

Monkeys being monkeys, the little devils have seen a Golden Opportunity and snatched ahold of it with both furry paws.

Apparently, they're running amuck in New Delhi, routinely invading "
parliament, ministries, courts and government offices", and, it seems, learning the finer points of politics in the process.

This April, S.S. Bajwa, a member of the political party Bharatiya Janata, was elected as New Delhi's Deputy Mayor. In the past, Bharatiya Janata has been roundly criticized for not doing enough to tame the city's simian situation.

Well, it seems like the monkeys have figured that since there's a war coming, they should probably go proactive.

So, a whole bunch of them went over to the Deputy Mayors house and whacked him.

*scratch, scratch*

Kind of reminds me of Chicago politicking. Or maybe New Orleans. Except cuter.

In light of this terrible occurrence, I have only one two things to say:

1) Can Rhesus macaques survive in Washington, DC; and

2) What would it take to import about two thousand of the furry little darlin's?



ThePrimeGeek said...

I'd throw down toward whatever that costs. I would, however, humbly ask to retain 5% of the video profits.

Matt G said...

"New Delhi Deputy Mayor S.S. Bajwa did not survive the fatal injuries when he fell to a gang of Rhesus macaques and died while being treated at a hospital."


They turned him into Rhesus pieces.


Anonymous said...

Whatever clever thing I was going to say has been lost to the scourging of iced tea my sinuses just underwent.

Thanks a lot, Matt.

Anonymous said...

"Rhesus pieces"

That right there is worthy of a Nobel Prize.

Anonymous said...

We definitely need a beverage alert on this one!

Rhesus pieces indeed! LOL!

Anonymous said...

Dear lord, what a pun.

I would suggest banning them from DC ... a black market in DC monkeys will form immediately.

Anonymous said...

And there's quasi limitless expansion possibilties, what with state and local government, quango's and the like.

Anonymous said...

There is a third question:

Can some enterprising geneticist cross them with vultures?

Fly my pretties, fly!

Anonymous said...

Maybe we could arrange a jail break at the national zoo?

Who is a very cost control minded person, tell my boss.

WL Emery said...

Matt G., I wasn't drinking anything at the time, and am now able to write.
Rhesus pieces
That's good!

What a howl!

Anonymous said...

I got a monkey for my congressman! Pretty good trade, huh?

I'd be willing to trade in Harry Reid on a purple-arsed baboon.

David Neylon said...

Trade him in?? I thought he was a purple arsed baboon.

Matt G. that is one horrible horrible pun. I am so envious.

Matt G said...

Thank yew!

Ah'll be here all week!

Mark said...

Matt, you owe me a new wireless mouse, mine is now soaked and the battery cover broke off when I knocked it off the desk :)

Anonymous said...

"I got a monkey for my congressman! Pretty good trade, huh?
I'd be willing to trade in Harry Reid on a purple-arsed baboon."
no trade, our senators from vermont are the same species. ugly, noisy and disgusting.

Anonymous said...

"NASA launched Rhesus Macaques into space during the 1950s and 60s, and the Soviet/Russian space program launched them into space as recently as 1997 on the Bion missions."
can i launch senators leahy and sanders into space, along with whatizname, our representative in the lower house?

OK Katrina said...

Flintlock Tom said...
"Rhesus pieces"

That right there is worthy of a Nobel Prize.

Would that be the Nobel Piece Prize?

Matt G said...

Awesome, Katrina.


CrankyProf said...

Aren't the Halls of Congress already dominated by the Bandar-log?

Anonymous said...

I see a danger here. The Rhesus macaques might mate with our native Washington DC simians and increase our overpopulation of political butt monkeys. It would be best to sterilize our native species and train the Rhesus to use condoms, antacids, and mouthwash.