Someone has got to be pulling my leg.
According to this story, a one-year-old child by the name of Joey Cosmillo fell into the family swimming pool and did his damnedest to drown himself.
His mother found him, hauled him out, but he wasn't breathing. She took the sprog into the house and dialled 911. Rescuers -- bless their hearts -- got him breathing again, but the time he spent not breathing has done some nasty damage. He is unable to walk, he is unable to talk and he can't even breathe on his own.
He is currently in the care of a nursing home five miles from his house, where he can receive the 24-hour-a-day care that his breathing tube and his feeding tube require.
Keep that in mind.
One of the responding public servants -- Casselberry PD Sgt Andrea Eichhorn -- who arrived minutes after Joey's mother fished him out of the pool and carried him into the house to dial 911, is suing Joey's mother, his grandmother and his grandfather.
Why, you ask?
Well, it seems that Sgt. Eichhorn stepped through the door into the bedroom where rescuers were working upon one-year-old Joey -- attempting to save his life -- she slipped on a puddle of water and injured her knee.
To be fair, reports are that Sgt. Eichhorn actually fractured the knee. Of course, reports also say that she continued to work the scene -- it was only "later that day" that she sought treatment for the injury.
The tile-crawling invertebrate hired by Sgt. Eichhorn to represent her in this lawsuit states:
"It's a situation where the Cosmillos have caused these problems, brought them on themselves, then tried to play the victim,"
We will now pause to allow the full impact of that statement to sink in.
Their precious child almost died. Did die, near as I can tell, and suffered extensive, life-altering injuries -- requiring 24 hour professional care.
And this qualifies as "playing the victim"?
You two-bit, four-flushing, dirty, rotten, knee-biting, inbred vomitous mass.
You meretricious, soul-less, microcephalic, forked-tongued carbuncle in the armpit of humanity.
Is your mother proud of this, or -- as I suspect -- did you spontaneously spawn as the gelatinous mass in the bottom of a used jock-strap bin, thus sparing any woman the utter humiliation of admitting that she failed to drown you as soon as she saw the cruel, debased and sadistic gleam in your porcine little eyes -- you complete and utter vulture; you black-hearted, slime-trailing little invertebrate.
And that goes double for your client -- who the hell do you think you are? You busted your knee, sad, but we're in a rough line of work, princess, and anyone who told you any different Lied. To. You.
Who the hell are you to burden this family further? What kind of sociopathic, money-grubbing , cold-blooded parasite goes out of her way to heap insult onto tragedy?
Did some sulphur-reeking vermin from the lowest pits of hell crawl onto your shoulder and whisper sweet dreams of pieces of silver into one of your avaricious little ears -- is that your excuse?
Do you really think that -- after paying for the medical bills of this child; after paying for the 24 hour care; after paying for the nursing home that he'll probably spend the rest of his earthly days in -- that there's going to be anything left?
And just what the hell makes you think you're entitled to one, single, lousy red cent?
You, madam, you and your attorney, are a prime example of why public floggings should never have gone out of style.
UPDATE: I would like to extend an 'attaboy' to the Casselberry Police Department -- according to this story (published during the time I was writing) Sgt. Eichhorn has been removed from duty.
There is also a press release from Casselberry PD here.
Thank you, Chief, for taking a principled stand.