In today's news, we discover the poignant case of young Broderick Lloyd Laswell, currently in durance vile in the Benton County Bed and Breakfast over in Arkansas.
Young Broddy's pitiful tale of woe and despair begins when he -- allegedly -- helped to beat and stab a a man to death before -- again, allegedly -- burning the victim's trailer house to the ground in an effort to conceal the crime.
As the best laid schemes o' mice an' men are aft wont to do, things went all agley, clues started turning up, people started confessing, that kind of thing -- and Young Broddy wound up getting heaved into the county clink.
Now, puir wee Broddy claims to have weighed in at a svelte 413 pounds (that's not a typo -- four hundred and thirteen pounds) upon intake into the facility -- although, to be fair, the jail staff maintain that he was a waifish 382 pounds (that's a '3', followed by an '8' and a '2') when they got their paws on him in September of 2007.
Well, come April of 2008 and our puir wee lambikins is a downright skeletal 308 pounds (that's twenty-two stone for my Cross-Pond Readers) clinging desperately to his six-foot frame.
This, of course, is an injustice too grievous to be borne, so he has manfully presented his concerns to senior jail staff.
Senior jail staff, in the height of their cruelty and barbarism, have informed Young Broddy that he is receiving an average measly pittance of 3000 calories a day!
Since the average Western diet -- eaten by a lot of people who, you know, work for a living -- is between 2,000 and 3,000 calories a day, anyone can see the grave injustice, the damnable cruel inhumanity that is being heaped onto the frail brow of Young Broddy.
How the poor, starving (three hundred and eight pound) skeleton managed to file a lawsuit against the County minions to battle this cruel and unusual punishment (lost a hundred pounds while waiting for his Capital Murder trial to begin! Oh, the humanity!) is a shining example to useless parasitic bottom-feeding scumbag critters everywhere.