Man walks into a pet store in Austin and is looking around when he spots a chimpanzee in a cage marked, "$1000". Man looks a little closer and discovers that the chimpanzee is wearing a tie and a hat and is twirling a set of handcuffs around his finger.
Curious, the man summons the shopkeeper and asks him what the deal is with this thousand-dollar monkey.
Shopkeeper says, "Sir! You have discovered our Police Monkeys! This one is our basic Patrol version. It's got a TCLEOSE Basic certification; can fire 'Expert' with a Glock, Remington 870, or an AR15; knows the Penal Code and Traffic Code by heart and is up-to-date on Cultural Diversity and Active Shooter Response. Very good value for a thousand dollars!"
The man is suitable impressed and moves to the next cage, which is occupied by a gorilla -- also wearing a hat and tie, but is gnawing on a pen instead of the handcuffs. The price on this one is $5000. Shopkeeper exclaims, "Ah, sir! You have discovered the Sergeant model! This one has a TCLEOSE Advanced certification, is capable of training any other monkeys in basic firearms skills, mechanics of arrest, physical training, investigation and small unit tactics! It can even type! Very good value for five thousand, sir!"
Impressed, the man moves to the next cage.
Inside, he finds an orangutan, dressed in the same hat and tie as the others, but holding a coffee cup.
"What does this one do that he's worth $12,000?" asks the man.
The shopkeeper clears his throat, "Ah, sir, well .... we've never actually seen him do anything, but he says that he's a lieutenant."
This one's probably only funny to my cop readers.