Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Darth LawDog demands an end to this buffoonery

I like tortilla soup.

Matter-of-fact, a good chicken tortilla soup is one of my comfort foods, so I was damned near ecstatic when LawMom called me to say that she had sampled the tortilla soup at Cheddars, and that it had passed muster.

So, after a particularly nasty day at work, I trundled into The Big City for a nice bowl of chicken-y goodness.

'Bout my fourth spoonful -- om nom nom -- and I notice a distinct green tint to the mass occupying the bowl of the spoon, and I decide that Cheddars is generous with the avocado ...

... and then I bite into it.

The texture was ... wrong. And not just a little bit wrong, I mean football bat wrong.

Probably because it was a tree of broccoli.

Yes, I realize that chunks of broccoli are properly referred to as "florets", but there was a bloody partridge hiding amongst the branches on this one.

"Okay, self," I say to my self, "Probably just a stray lost piece of broccoli fell into the soup tureen -- odd, but worse things happen."

And then I came up with Broccoli Tree #2. I'm of the impression that this one had a tyre swing dangling from one of the branches, but I might be mistaken.

Folks, I hate broccoli. And somehow I don't think broccoli is native to Mexico. Or Mexican cooking.

I realize that broccoli is cheap. And the fact that it is allegedly healthy probably eases the old conscience of folks what use the bloody plant as filler.

But, for Freyja's sake, some food is sacrosanct! Mexican food should not be contaminated by broccoli!

When my legions of flying monkeys complete my quest for World Domination, anyone caught sneaking broccoli into non-broccoli-type food will be summarily defenestrated.

*snarl*

LawDog

38 comments:

TBeck said...

I've always considered broccoli and cauliflower to be vaguely Cthulhoid. Neither should exist in any rational universe.

Chris said...

You and me are in good company with President Bush 41--who also despised it. It doesn't even LOOK edible. It looks like something that belongs on a model railroad layout.

GAH

Chris

Anonymous said...

Y'know, I don't mind broccoli. But in Tortilla Soup? Someone in that kitchen needs to get clue. I hope that you mentioned this faux pas to the folks there at the restaurant.

Old NFO said...

Yep, THAT was a major screw up... Broccoli does NOT go in Mexican food period, end of subject!

Peter said...

Well, at least you didn't say 'deflowered' . . .

:-)

Aaron said...

Hell, I like broccoli and that would piss me off.

JPG said...

With respect to Mr. TBeck, above, I actually kinda LIKE cauliflower, so long as it is uncooked and with sufficient Ranch Dressing.

But broccoli? I long ago served public notice: I'm a man grown and I carry a pistol. There's no one can MAKE me eat broccoli.

Tim said...

Sorry for the intrusion of the 'inflorescence' of cellulose composting #1...

reflectoscope said...

Topical. I don't mind broccoli in a stir fry - the texture improves greatly - but in Mexican? Huh?

Jim

Anonymous said...

There are plenty of places where Broccoli is a good thing to add. Mexican food isn't anywhere on that list.

Robb Allen said...

I'm a rather big fan of Cheddar's tortilla soup myself and have had it on numerous occasions here in the Gunshine state. Nary once has there been shrubbery included in the broth.

Gotta be some sort of screw up. I'd call and ask. Maybe you could get a free tun of non-floret based soup for your inconvenience.

Also, Cracker Barrel's tortilla soup is pretty darned good.

Julie said...

i like broccolli but it DOESN'T belong in Mexican cooking in any shape, size or form !!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

That was just wrong! I'm surprised the Mexican embassy didn't file a complaint about the defamation of Tex-Mex culture and traditions.
Just because its grown in Latin America doesn't mean it should end up in Mexican food. Yuck.
LittleRed1

C. S. P. Schofeld said...

I feel exactly the same way about Bell Peppers - not only do I hate the taste, but they give me catastrophic indigestion. They dont have enough kick to be good peppers, and they taste like shoe polish smells. Yet they turn up in ANYTHING.

I blame nutritionists.


As for as I can reconstruct it, some time between 1930 and 1955 some busybody nutritionist discovered (by reading the work of a REAL scientist) that the Bell Pepper was chock full of vitamins and (wrongly) concluded that this meant it was edible. The word went out to women's-magazine editors and school lunch planners and so the Bell Pepper plague spread, so that now people think nothing of slipping these horrible reflux-bombs into cuisine from region of the world that have never seen the things.

*sigh*

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

I like broccoli and cauliflower - but only uncooked or in a good stir-fry (where it's really only "flash" cooked). Actual cooking destroys both the flavor and texture, making it disgusting.

And it most certainly does not belong in Mexican food. WTF?

Anonymous said...

Come on folks, broccoli is the Food of the Day for the WASP-y places like Cheddars, Chilis, Applebys, Cracker Barrel, Cotton Patch....and I defy you to eat blindfolded a dish from any of the above and be able to tell the difference one place to another. It's all uniformly blah, with a few exceptions (and Chilis' awesome blossom was one of them, so they took that off the menu; I figure the Mexican egg rolls will be next to go-and then I won't).
Then there's Ruby Tequila's out in Amarillo, who opened up long before they should have, a normal person would think. The heating/ac. ducts were exposed, hanging from the roof-there was no ceiling. Ladders were still in place. Cases of beer were stacked hither and thither. Bits and pieces all over, so the customers had to thread their way through this maze to get to a table in order to be served expensively mediocre TexMex amidst havoc.
However, the WASPS came flocking, exclaiming "Isn't this cute?"
No, it's ugly, inconvenient, and damned dangerous.
With an attitude like that, you can guess I'm not a poisonous flying insect; you can also guess I'm not going back to Cheddars.
LawMom

Brian said...

I assure you broccoli is not an ingredient in tortilla soup. You have my sympathy :(

Tortilla soup should have:
Chicken
stock
chipotle peppers
avocado
corn chips (home made)
garlic
tomatoes or tomato sauce
glorious cheese!

I believe that's all that's in my tortilla soup recipe.

threadbndr said...

I'm with Julie - I love me some brocolli or califlower - good and good for you. But neither belongs anywhere within a nautical mile of TexMex!!!!

LOL at Chris and the model rr comment. I can remember looking at a layout and thinking "those trees look like brocolli" - not the other way 'round.

word verification "zoing" <<-- the sound of flying cruciforius vegetables once Chris and LD get ahold of them?

Wayne Conrad said...

"defenestrated"

That one word is the funniest thing I've read all day.

I had a girlfriend who defenestrated all of my things out a second story window to get my attention. It wasn't funny at the time. Actually, it's still not funny.

But that is a funny word, no doubt.

Rick R. said...

Broccoli? Good, steamed or raw.

Broccoli in MEXICAN food? Disgusting.

Broccoli in any form of soup? Disgusting.

Broccoli in a MEXICAN SOUP?!?
We need a rope and a tree, pour les encoureger des autres.

(Pardon my ill-used, and most likely illiterate, French.)


Word Verify -- "haccksh", the sound broccoli discovered in my soup makes as I spit it on the floor.

Brian Dale said...

Joining the choir: I like broccoli, but it belongs in Mexican food about as much as water belongs in a crankcase.

Doc said...

Cheddar's is not a place I would normally expect to get good Mexican food. I know you said Lawmom recommended it but stil...

Crucis said...

About the only good use of broccoli is as mulch around other more tasteful plants like strawberrys.

Didja ever notice that when food goes bad it turns green. Just sayin'. Don't eat anything that's green and be safe.

El Capitan said...

They probably used the same ladle for both the tortilla soup and their broccoli-cheese soup...

phoenixtoashes said...

I'll admit that I'm fond of broccoli. And brussel sprouts.

Look, I was a very peculiar child.

But the only soup that broccoli should be showing up in is three cheese broccoli soup, where I can kid myself that the broccoli makes it a bit healthier than just the cheese alone would.

As for cauliflower, it's tolerable if done well, but the only place it deserves to show up is as a part of the veggie-and-dip platter.
(Plus, I kinda buy the "cauliflower as a Cthuloid life form" argument. Vegetables aren't supposed to be white, darnit! The only thing that comes close to that shade is mushrooms - and they're a fungus!)

Mikael said...

Bleh, broccoli. I can't stand it in anything, not even a good wok.

But what's with the WASP thing in the comments? Now I know it can't really have anything to do with one of my favorite bands(I believe they like to keep the meaning secret, but once had printed on one of their records We Are Sexual Perverts), so what does it mean?

Anonymous said...

Mikael,

WASP means "White Anglo-Saxon Protestant" (to the best of my knowledge) ... isn't that actually redundant, now that I think about it. (Angles and Saxons being from Europe...)

On a side note, my family is of Mexican descent, and I can tell you that even I'm not safe from finding broccoli in the family meals.

Although it's usually Beef c. Broccoli, so that's ... slightly less disturbing.

Matt G said...

Broccoli is pretty good in a lot of soups.

It does not belong in tortilla soup.

Anonymous said...

Mikael-
WASP has come to mean one of the bland, shallow, three-button suit,do-gooder, Susie Soccermommy types of any race, color or creed. They pick up on something absolutely stupid or disgusting and because someone slightly higher on the sniff scale has decided to take it up, it becomes instantly the 'in' thing with the WASPS.
Women with hairdos that make their heads look like mushrooms? WASPS. Men who wear bermuda shorts even though they hate them because it makes them look like idiots? WASPS. And yes, broccoli in every damn thing? WASPS. Think Senior/Junior League.
Get the drift?
LawMom

Chuck said...

A bit of trivia, which of course has outlasted almost everything else I learned in Genetics 101, is that a fairly large (35%?)percentage of humans genetically lack the the capability to taste the primary flavor elements of cabbage family veggies such as broccoli and cauliflower, leaving them to enjoy the underlying sulfur compounds that make'm stink so. Blame it on your parents!

LabRat said...

Heh. We actually do have a "tortilla soup" like recipe in our repetoire that contains LOTS of broccoli, along with lots of other vegetables... but we don't think of it as tortilla soup so much as a chicken vegetable soup to which tortilla may be added.

We actually do love broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts, and have several different variants on each. Chuck may we be right- though I do note that the most common way both of them appear in mainstream American cooking is boiled, which will EMPHASIZE the sulfur compounds rather than removing or playing them down. Can't say I've ever had any cruciferous vegetable in a restaurant half as good as what we make at home.

Julie said...

for all those (Jake & others) who will eat cauliflower but prefer it raw or in stir frys, i really recommend that you try it roasted. It is just totally yummy! (chop into florets, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with freshly ground black pepper, put into a hot oven until it just starts to go brown - remove & eat). (No i've not tried this with brocolli).

Jake (formerly Riposte3) said...

Julie,

That sounds real good, I'll have to try it sometime.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Broccoli...egh. I volunteer to help with the defenestrations.

Anonymous said...

Why anyone would eat pond slime, I do not know, but chili-flavored pond slime boggles the mind. Who thinks up this stuff?
LawMom

Jeff Miller said...

At first, I thought that LawMom was just trying to get some nutrition into her kid when she gave it her seal of approval.

Then I saw her comments. Now I'm confused.

John B said...

and we'll refenestrate them so we can defenestrate them again.

Why don't we just toss them out a window instead?

:D

Alisa said...

Broccoli. In tortilla soup. I believe the phrase is "unclear on the concept".

I actually like broccoli, but would react similarly to finding it in my tortilla soup, or for that matter my grandmother's matzo ball soup. There are some places it Does Not Belong.

And I happen to be a great fan of defenestration. The window is usually closer than the door.