Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Public Service Announcement

Ladies, if I can tell from the far side of the courtroom that your G-string is tuned to A -- your outfit probably violates part, or all, of the "Acceptable Court Wear" memo posted at the courtroom door by the Judge.

Plus, District Court is not a place to wear that cute little number that you bought for the nightclub, the beach, or any place where the major architectural features are limited to a stage and a brass pole.

And -- as we have learned -- just because you aren't the one on trial, doesn't mean that you can't catch Contempt of Court charges.

Now we know. And knowing is half the battle.

LawDog

33 comments:

PresterSean said...

G-I Joe!

phlegmfatale said...

Are you saying it's a bad ideer to pull focus in court when people can read Dow-Corning™ through your top?

Ambulance Driver said...

I'll bet she was magically skankalicious.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I run into town to go to court as a spectator to watch the dumbasses be issued new and improved orifices by the judges. Some of the judges have a lot less patience than others. Once in a while we'll have Sumdood argue with a judge about Constitutional Rights to Free Expression. When I first started my career as an observer, I had no idea the unutterably skullcrushingly stupid things some ijits will say. Their clients are even worse.

Gerry N.

Dave said...

I have never successfully managed to suppress a giggle when a judge bitch-slapped someone for showing up in cutoffs and a wife-beater, or miniskirt and halter top.

I was fairly professional the rest of the time . . . other than one time when I inadvertently re-enacted a Monty Python skit while doing FSTs on a DUI suspect.

On a Wing and a Whim said...

Heh. Next thing I know, LD, you might be trying to educate the masses that just because they're not the one on trial doesn't mean they can't be arrested for perjury if they lie to the judge and jury!

Strings said...

Heh... we had a perp show up to a BACA case, wearing a tank top and cut-offs. When our girl was asked if she could ID her assailant, she said "He over there, *points* wearing a black wife-beater".

EVERYONE lost it at that point, including the judge and defense attorney...

shooter said...

This post is useless without pics.

You're gonna have to put up a gallery of offenders, LD.

trainer said...

I went to our local court many years ago to fight a traffic (not moving) violation.

The joint was packed. The lawyers present and I were the only one's wearing a suit - much less neatly dressed. I used a fool for my lawyer, that is, myself.

I was amazed that people would come to a venue like that wearing some of the things they wore.

Oh, and I think I flummoxed the judge with my proper attire, cuz he let me off easy.

The Freeholder said...

But was she attractive enough to carry off the outfit? Inquiring minds want to know!

threadbndr said...

there's a story in there, I'm sure.

Come on, LD, names and details can be changed to protect the notsoinnocent!

Anonymous said...

Grammar NAZI wants to get rid of the "is" between outfit and probably. I'm surprised.

LawDog said...

Got it.

Anonymous said...

The following are bad ideas:

Coming to court with a beer logo t-shirt for your initial hearing for your Public Intoxication case.

Coming to court with a t-shirt that states "Legalize It!"

Coming to court with the Stars and Bars emblazoned on your shirt (north of the Ohio River, of course).

Going to your sentencing hearing with your visible swastika tat while appearing before a Jewish judge.

The list could go on and on.

Shootin' Buddy

Rorschach said...

FTS? I'm pretty sure none of these apply:
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/FTS
Same for BACA
http://acronyms.thefreedictionary.com/BACA

Rorschach said...

Oh hell, never mind on that first one, I'm getting Slydectic in my old age...

Da Curly Wolf said...

OTOH..feel free to take a copy of The Federalist Papers, a pocket constitution, the writings of Thomas Paine etc etc to a jury summons...
done that a few times and gotten a few askew glances. Whether they were contemplating striking up a conversation or just thinking 'oh crap he's nuckin futz, I'm not entirely sure........

Joseph said...

My gf had traffic court a couple of years ago and dressed properly for it. The judge pointed her out to everyone else, said "this is how I want you to dress in my courtroom!" and told the rest of the people to come back after they learned how to dress.

dr mac said...

Why do I surmise these are the same people who don't wear clean underwear to the doctor's office ?

Mad Jack said...

I think a few visual aides are in order here. After all, acceptability for one man might be borderline for another, marginal for someone else, and completely unacceptable for my dear old Mom. Also, this 'tuned' business has me flummoxed. What do you mean by 'tuned'? This is a fine legal matter and in light of your moniker I expect some firmer guidance and clarification of the terms used.

Anonymous said...

By tuned to A, I assume he means that if you tighten the strings on a stringed instrument you change the note that they play. In this case, a string meant to play a G is pulled so tight that it plays an A... So not only is the person wearing a G-string, they are wearing one a few sizes to small, putting a great deal of tension on it.

Dedicated_Dad said...

I keep saying it - one can no longer tell the hookers from the garden-variety whores.

"Just because I dress this way doesn't mean I'm a whore."

Then why wear the uniform?

DD (father of two teen daughters who struggles to find anything appropriate for them to wear...

Anonymous said...

Yes, and the great self-appointed goddess, Oprah, got called down in an Amarillo courtroom for wearing pants and not a skirt.
Apparently the judge didn't know that this particular 'O' can do no wrong.
LM

Anonymous said...

If you got it, flaunt it don't go in a Texas court. Judges tend to be narrow-minded that way.
LawMom

Da Curly Wolf said...

Dedicated Dad,
you bring out the shotgun and give their dates the old 'shotgun,backyard and shovel' speech when they come over to pick the daughters up?
If you do might I suggest the addition of the 'I'm the all knowing vengeful god of your existence' line? Or would that be overkill

Dedicated_Dad said...

Wolf,

No - I actually haven't ever said anything "scary" to any of them. I'm quite confident the stuff I've said to my daughters over the years has them ensure the little perverts are quaking in their boots when they meet me - so I smile big (the mouth, not the eyes!) and offer 'em some tea...

Generally, it's a while before I finally catch him alone for a minute, and all I'll usually say then is "You can't possibly imagine the love a man has for his daughter, and you sure don't want to see the rage I'd be in if something was to happen to her. Don't make me hate you..."

Then I smile big (the mouth, not the eyes!) and offer 'em some tea... ;o)

Da Curly Wolf said...

Dad...LOLOL

RauĆ°bjorn said...

"Now we know. And knowing is half the battle."

The other half is violence.

-RauĆ°bjorn

George said...

On this one, Phlemmie WINS!

Anonymous said...

Best Father Line of recent memory thanks fot my friends daughter:

14yo Boyfriend: Your father's kind of scary, in a quiet reserved way.

14 yo Daughter: he can be.

Boyfriend: I'd bet he's shoot me if he thought I had done something wrong.

Daughter: No. He wouldn't shoot you.

Boyfriend: Really?

Daughter: He has a battle axe and would castrate you with it.

Boyfriend: oh. -white as sheet-
(having just walk out of the house where said wicked looking axe hangs over the fireplace. )

Steve said...

I gotta ask, being illiterate on legal acronyms.

FST I figured out (field sobriety test), but what does BACA stand for? I'm assuming one of the As stands for assault.

wv = quityr

Can't think of a good definition, just thought it was funny.

Strings said...

Steve: BACA = Bikers Against Child Abuse. Hit www.bacausa.com

Flintlock Tom said...

This reminds me of one of my favorite websites: The Frugal Outdoorsman.
Junior has a link on the left of the page that declares: "Country Girl of the Month (coming soon)". I have been checking back for almost three years now hoping the link was active. Now I'm gunna have to keep coming back here to see if you've posted photos.

Thanks.