Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A little military Christmas humour:

OPERATION ORDER 12-05:
OFFICIAL VISIT OF LIEUTENANT GENERAL S. CLAUS

An official staff visit by LtGen Claus is expected at this base on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all personnel during the visit:

  1. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes Officers, Warrant Officers, Staff Non-commissioned Officers, Noncommissioned Officers, and mice. Marines may obtain special stirring permits for necessary tasks through the Battalion S-1 Office (See Company Office for PAR).
  2. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap no later than 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: pajamas: cotton, light-weight, general purpose, olive-green; and cap: battle-dress: utilities – Woodland pattern. Equipment will be drawn from supply prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember that this is the “season of giving.”
  3. Personnel will utilize standard T-ration sugarplums for visions to dance in their heads. Sugarplums are available in T-ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.
  4. T-ration sundry packs can be picked up at the Medina Dining Facility (MDFAC) from 0800-1800 24 Dec. The S-4 will coordinate the acquisition and distribution of the T-ration sugarplums and accompanying items.
  5. Stockings – wool, cushion sole, olive-green – will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. Platoon commanders will submit stocking handling plans to the S-3T, Training Chief, prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All Platoon commanders will ensure their subordinate personnel attend mandatory stocking-hanging safety classes and are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging by the Safety Officer. Stocking Safety will be taught 18 Dec at 1900 in the conference room of Bldg 321. Stocking Licenses will be issued at that time. Stockings will be issued out of the pebble shack on a first come first serve basis from 1400 – 1600 on 19 December.
  6. At first sound of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order, Operations Plan (OPLAN) 7-01 (North Pole Contingency), para 6-8-A9(3), dated 4 Mar, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter-tearing and sash-throwing. Platoon Commanders, Platoon Sergeants, and all Marines of the Guard will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in the barracks prior to the start of official clatter.
  7. Prior to 0001 hours, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned “wondering eyeball” stations. The Sergeant of the Guard will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.
  8. The Company Training Chief, in coordination with the U.S. Transportation Command (CinC-Trans) and Motor T, will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24A3 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by LtGen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator’s license with rooftop permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his Department of Navy Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout “On, Dancer! On, Prancer!” etc.
  9. LtGen Claus will initially enter Bldg 302 through the front entryway. All buildings without chimneys will requisition Chimney Simulator, M6A1, for use during the visit. Request chimney simulator on Department of Navy Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the Company Gunnery Sergeant prior to 20 December. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.
  10. Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” or “Merry Christmas to All and to all a Good Night!” This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Senior Enlisted Marine.

(Signed)
For The Commander

Author Unknown.

Probably a little esoteric for my non-prior-service Gentle Readers, but I expect at least a bit of the humour will come through.

Happy Holidays!

LawDog

18 comments:

Julie said...

not too esoteric ... definitely funny. If it was written by my company there would be way more safety requirements and forms :)

Cybrludite said...

If it were my workplace, I'd get this info sometime next March...

Anonymous said...

Ooohrah! Merry Christmas and Semper Fidelis!

Doug Watson said...

Only a 3 star? I would think he would be 4. Surely NorPolCom counts as a theater-level command...

CAPTCHA - "nounrier" def.-Overuse of nouns in an body of writing. "Junior's essay was good, if a bit nounrier."

Chrystoph said...

Typical Military Operation...

Post the requirements on the 21st with dealines on the 20th.

Joshkie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Joshkie said...

Chrystoph didn't your cammanding officers inform you that its your job to know what they are forgetting to tell you.

Well on second thought they probably for got to tell you that also.
:-)

“Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!”

Now on to the filling out of the paperwork for the filing of this comment.

KA9VSZ said...

Funny. Although I could swear S-1 requires a 1348-6 (short form) to issue materials; I got out a long time ago, perhaps the system has changed... A non-injurious and enjoyable holiday to all. (Note to males E-5 and below: the two above-stated conditions required for merriment may be deemed non-exclusive with submission approved Special Request Chit.)

Old NFO said...

Hehehe- Haven't seen that in at least 20 years... Gotta love the Corps... Thanks for posting this one!

kestrels-nest said...

I've read (and deciphered) enough military orders doing legal documents for deploying service members (First Gulf War) that this was a complete hoot.

fuzzys dad said...

Thanks for posting this

Anonymous said...

Being non-military, even I understood the humor, so it wasn't lost on me. Also LD, I'd like to give my condolences about your Nana, and I would definately like to say that I am giving you my warmest regards, and one last thing.
Merry Christmas, and Happy Holidays.

Wraith said...

Just FYI, 'Dog...Santa views 'making people spray beer out of their nose' as suitable for the "Naughty" column.

You DO want more than a lump of coal in your stocking this year, right?

Skip said...

Merry Christmas LD and to Herself as well.

Larry said...

All hands man Christmas stations. The wishing of a Merry Christmas to all will commence immediately.

Bob@thenest said...

Now THAT one is a hoot!! And a Merry Christmas from here, also.

And BTW, when I was early-on, I could go to Supply and haul off whatever plywood I'd been sent for. Back the truck up, tell 'em what I needed, and sign for it on a carbon paper form.

Then came the computers and Supply's primary job was to NOT issue anything to ANYONE. Seems non-issue made the computer happy.

Borepatch said...

HAHAHAHAHA

Merry Christmas, LawDog.

Becky said...

I would like you to know that I sent this to my best friend's husband in the infantry. He then told me he nearly peed himself.

Merry Christmas!