Saturday, February 25, 2012

Egad.

I was puttering about on a nice little Saturday morning, when my Inbox started exploding.

Turns out that I may not be as low-profile as one might have wanted because the subject of the previous post has apparently found my little scribblings:

"Your profile goes up today. Look for it and check out my reply to Bud Helms too!"

Huh. No.

Because I am, by nature, one who likes to have others understand why I do what I do (and because you -- quite frankly -- are too much of a cully to figure it out on your ownsome) I will tender some sort of explanation.

I don't like you.

You are one of those annoying little caitiffs who believes that any PR is good PR, and so you have Lindsey Lohan'd your way through the gunny side of Blogworld, trailing slime in the comment sections of prominent bloggers as you shout, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!"

I have little doubt that you think this spastic display of bile-spewing is cutting edge! Cool! Unique! Nobody's ever seen this before!

*sigh*

Much as I'd like to pat you on whichever end might be considered a head in your species, put your little macaroni-picture of a web-site up on the side of whatever rock you were up-chucked on by whatever nauseated gastropod donated your genes, before telling you how cute and how smart you are -- I can't.

You are an oiksome opportunistic little parasite who has decided that he can get something -- fame, money, a sheep that won't file rape charges, whathehellever -- from the hard work of others.

I don't like parasites like you. Others in Blogworld state that they hate parasites like you -- but hating something requires that the person doing the hating give a tinker's damn about that target of his hate -- and I really couldn't be arsed in your case.

I don't hate tapeworms, and I don't hate you. I don't hate ringworms, or flukes, or pinworms, or leeches, and I don't hate you. Because hating you, just like the rest of your parasitic buddies, would require a level of caring about you that I simply can't muster.

Oh, I've little doubt that you've probably already posted some cutesie-poo little insulting profile of me (that is, let's be honest here, more about you standing on a table and shrieking, "Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" than actually insulting me, but I digress), and I'm sure that somewhere there's a village that's just ecstatic over that accomplishment.

I'm still not going to your web-site, because I'm not going to feed the latest Internet tapeworm (that's you, by-the-by) who's hoping to sponge off of the gunnies on the Internet.

In the unlikely event that you've managed to make it this far through my post, I'm going to reiterate that you DO NOT have my permission to post any of my intellectual property beyond the minimum allowed under the Fair Use statutes; and that you DO NOT have my permission to use any of my intellectual property for your personal gain.

Toodles, child. Here's a pork-chop necklace. Go play with doggies. Somewhere else.

LawDog

postscript: Yes, little tapeworm, I deleted your comment on the other post that inspired this one. And I tagged you as 'Spam', so that any further comments from you will go right down the Internet khazi, like the parasite that you are.

Nothing but love,

LawDog

23 comments:

45er said...

I'm not sure what strategy they are imploring, but the trolling and insulting doesn't seem to be working. I wonder why that is? There are rumblings they may be a vpc misdirection. That is developing.

Anonymous said...

Dog-
You don't post all that often, but I always check when I'm on the net incase you have written something. You stories always make me laugh, and I have never been disappointed by anything you have felt to give a positive review on. Thank you for tossing out the occasional words o wisdom and take care.
Riley

Melodee, said...

You gave this cop wife a chuckle. Loved your response.

Jedi Knight Ivyan said...

pwned

Borepatch said...

The only improvement to your post would be a title of "They see me trollin'. They hatin'."

The only consolation I can offer is that Google's new CAPTCHA blows chunks so badly that it'll drive some of the trolls back under the bridge.

Kristopher said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MSgt B said...

This is getting good.

I've been around the blogs today catching up on this particular internet assclownery.

You are an artist, Lawdog.
A true artist.

Wandering Hornet said...

Law Dog, between you and Jennifer, I am not even going to give his website a look out of curiosity. I'll admit that I felt inclined in this direction even before this post when I read a couple other opinions. The best way to kill a parasite is to starve it out. Fair Winds and Following Seas.

aepilot_jim said...

These sheep that don't file rape charges.... Do you think there are any llamas in that group?

Just asking...

No reason realy....

Skip said...

Yo Dog, tell us how do you really feel ;)

Grunt said...

LD,
His website gave me the running creepsSeverall young looking girls with guns.Real young looking girls. This oneradiatess "ain't right".

Old NFO said...

Now THAT was masterful Lawdog :-)

agirlandhergun said...

Brilliant!

C. S. P. Schofield said...

Mencken would have done it differently.

But not better.

Jenna said...

Just had to drop a quick note to say thanks for the giggle AND the reminder that it is entirely possible to completely and fully vent your feelings, frustrations, and general distaste of some annoying flea in the ear - without using a single word of profanity. (Not that profanity doesn't have it's use!) It's wonderful to see someone express themselves so... fully. "Oinksome Opportunistic Parasite" will be roaring in my ears (coupled with a slight giggle) for weeks. Thanks for being such an expressive Gentleman.

Anonymous said...

Don't you just love the part where that website redirects to the Violence Policy Center?

What a giggle.

Mike James

Larry said...

Beautifully done. The thing about the sheep had everyone in the room checking me to see if my cheese had finally slipped off of my cracker.

Anonymous said...

That. Was. Epic!


DanB

momiss said...

So good to see a good man make a stand. LOVED the post title too! What poppycock!
http://laceyourdayswithhope.blogspot.com/2011/03/dirty-word-substitutes.html

Anonymous said...

Clicked over to his site via walls of the city, it appears that someone took a slightly stronger dislike to his operation than any of us did and opened up his site like a can of tuna fish.

If your gonna be an donkey on the internet, you've gotta choose your audience.

Anonymous said...

What is going on? somoene flooding you or something?

Kristopher said...

Original comment deleted. This tard may be trolling with his VPC redirect.

Krysta in MKE said...

Thank you for yet another very well-written essay. You've given me some words to look up, & that's a rare thing.
I always enjoy your work, & I wouldn't believe that you'd show up on anything related to the Brady Bunch / VPC / Joyce Foundation, other than their collective hate list.

PS - I don't like the capcha nonsense either, esp. when they don't tell you it's case sensitive.