Day shift: "You really should have called in sick."
Swing shift: "What could possibly be so bad in this little burg?"
Days: "Well, to start off with, you remember that suicide your boys found hanging around yesterday?"
Swings: "Yeah, what about him?"
Days: "Turns out he was somebody's CI."
Swings: "You know what they say, 'Snitches get stitches.'"
Days: "Think Homeland Security. We've been hip-deep in paperwork and secret squirrels all day. Two of 'em specifically want to talk to you."
Swings: "Oh, great. Crap."
Days: "Three of my boys are over on East-side, trying to talk a 10-96* off the ledge. You get to do the commit paperwork on him."
Swings: "What's his malfunction?"
Days: "Oh, he swears he just saw his best buddy walking around the market this morning. Trouble is, Best Bud is DRT**."
Swings: "We sure?"
Days: "Dead and planted, but the guy swears he saw him. Real twisted off about it, too"
Swings: "'Retire to Judea', the wife says, 'It's a nice quiet backwater', the wife says, 'No Germans swinging bloody huge swords at your neck', the wife says ..."
Days: "Speaking of, the lady in the lobby is all yours."
Days: "She swears that she's lost a body."
Swings: Long silence.
Days: "Hey, I just report the facts. Lady says she went to check on someone she buried two-three days ago -- I'm not real clear on the relationship -- but when she went to check this morning, the body is gone."
Swings: "Oh. Great. Do you have any ...?"
Days: "Aspirin is in the top desk drawer, next to the Maalox. Have all you need, my happy butt is going fishing for the next two days."
Lord, forgive me for that, and bless all of the li'l pygmies in New Guinea.
(Even if I am a little late.)
Happy Easter, Blessed Pascha, Happy Resurrection Day, Joyous Eostre's Day and any other holiday I might have missed.
* 10-96: Severe Emotional or Psychological Issues.
**DRT: Dead Right There.