Saturday, September 08, 2012

Waugh!

I am learning sushi.

Herself is a dedicated connoisseur of all things sushi-related and I am content to let her pick the course when we go out, but last night I had a major brain-cramp.

The special at the local sushi bar was a whole bunch of something that was topped with a cilantro/habeñero pureé.

I looked at "habeñero pureé", read "habeñero pureé", but my Brain Housing Group came up with "jalapeño chutney".

Jalapeño is about my limit when it comes to spikiness in my food. Much hotter than that, and the meal becomes an exercise in masochism rather than a meal.

The roll that I sampled was delightful. Right up until some little Japanese gnome with a flamethrower and a grudge set my tonsils on fire.

I am proud to say that I chewed thoughtfully, took a sip of water, and then made -- what I hope was -- an insightful comment about the heat level of the food.

I then immediately took a sample of something else both to give myself an excuse not to go anywhere near that Satanic green jellyroll ever again, and to attempt to pummel the vertically-challenged pyromaniacal Nipponese lawn ornament into submission.

Unfortunately the next thing she had selected was a volcano roll -- apparently so-named because the centre is full of magma-grade molten cream-cheese.

Between the chemical burns and the thermal burns my throat will never be the same again.

Still ... damn that was a good meal.

LawDog

22 comments:

Jeff the Baptist said...

Are you interested in making it yourself? If so find out when your local markets get their fresh fish delivered and try to track down a local source of good rice like an asian market.

Jeffro said...

You are really hosed if your intake can handle more than your exhaust.

KoutetsuKaigun said...

I highly recommend Unagi (eel). It is very tasty.
I tend to avoid wasabi as well, not out of spiciness but out of flavor. I prefer to tatse the goodness of the sushi without the Green Paste of Doom.
If you do venture forth into the sushi realm again I suggest you find some place that does good cheap sushi and get a sampler of nigiri (the rectangle of rice with a chunk of fish/shrip/eel/et cetera on top).
If you have a partically good chef at the bar you can inform him of your neophyte nature and he can probably make something good to let you see what the various options are.
Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

I avoid eating bait due to an ... unfortunate experience with it at a, now closed, establishment. Good luck to you. Lava in, lava out!

Ulises from CA.

Skip said...

Fart and throw the covers over Her head.
Will stop that nonsense right off.

Old NFO said...

LOL, just wait till you get nuclear grade Wasabi... Sigh... It burns SO good!!! :-)

GreyLocke said...

The local Chinese Restaurant, as a joke made some special Sushi for one of or local law enforcement fellows. He claimed he could eat anything no problem. The Chef ordered up some ghost peppers, Our local LE Fellow refuses to eat at the restaurant ever again. He claims they tried to kill him. :o)

Jess said...

Sometimes, it's best to ask for a hamburger.

Dave H said...

So that's what happened to Roberta X's Rocketeer gnome.

Farm.Dad said...

Bait ? You're de-evolved to eaitng bait ? Really Lawdog ... Ahh well i guess ill try and catch come crickets and such for ya in leu of the pulled pork , roast , ect.. at Blogarado :D

Shrimp said...

I was going to ask if you had any of the local "guacamole," but Old NFO already mentioned it.

I still laugh every time I read that story of yours.

mostly cajun said...

While I and one of my technicians feasted on some 'atomic' wings, one of our co-workers famously remarked "Food shouldn't HURT!"

I enjoy some heat, probably MORE than a lot of people (Cajun heritage)but there IS a point...

MC

Anonymous said...

My first sushi was in Okinawa at a department party attended by local ladies who brought a platter they prepared. I decided to try it with some reservation about the raw fish stuff. I asked what the green stuff was and someone mentioned it would likely cook the fish so I heaped a glob on and through it in my mouth. Before briefly going blind and deaf I recall the ladies eyes getting saucer like. Being a Chief I slowly chewed it up, did not cry since that would not of been chiefly, swallowed and went for beer when I could stand. Beer helped.
Ben

robert martin said...

Just remember folks

1 Ghost Pepper is not Dead it makes you WISH YOU WERE DEAD (and or raises the Dead)

2 treat Capsaicin overdose like an electrical fire DO NOT USE WATER Milk Bread and Oil based "stuff" works a lot better

3 don't forget that some "puppies" were raised with this stuff so do not judge hot hot something is by some puppy eating it

Anonymous said...

When my kids were younger my oldest daughter tried to convince the younger two that the green lump was mint ice cream. I'm way to nice a guy to have allowed that to happen

Rich

Le Conteur said...

That "Green Stuff"is Wasabi --- not unlike Ënglish"mustard...our fire department exchanged with same in Gloustershire way back when and we were hosted by the auxiliary...on the table was wonderful roast and pork and others and....mustard...one of our ilk slathered it on his roast beef sandwich - we warned him....Coleman's to the death!

Le Conteur

Jennifer said...

Oh dear. Sounds delicious to me, but then again, my spice levels are not exactly average.
BTW-DO NOT EAT the pretty red peppers we left at your house. They'll make the sushi seem tame.

Anonymous said...

I make a mean Wasabi Horesradish mix.
Guaranteed to make most grown men cry.
I grow both in my garden.
I must be masochistic huh?

leaperman

Cybrludite said...

If you're ever down in the Big Sleazy, check out Ninja's Sushi on Oak Street. I love the Satan Rolls, which feature a *hot* Chinese mustard. Do not, I repeat *NOT* breathe while chewing one of these. The burn is intense, but short lived.

Bergman said...

Most people will tell you to chug milk or eat bread to deal with a pepper overdose. Water just spreads the oil more evenly, making it worse. Milkfat absorbs it, as does bread.

But the best way to deal with a hot pepper overdose is, oddly enough, raisins. Raisins contain an enzyme that breaks capsaicin down into component chemicals. Once broken down, it stops burning.

BenC said...

While I am firmly in the camp that says that real men don't eat bait I saw a show on Netflix called Jiro Dreams of Sushi about a Japanese sushi chef named Jiro who has devoted his life to perfecting sushi. He is in his 80's now and owns a little restaurant that only seats about a dozen.He is considered the best sushi chef in Japan and is booked months in advance and charges a minimum of $300 a plate and people come from all over the world to eat there.You should watch it if you get the chance.

daniel_day said...

Lawdog, I'm very late to this sushi party but let me make two recommendations:
1) I second KoutetsuKaigun - NO wasabi. I mix a bit of wasabi into my soy sauce but not all dishes need it, especially the following.
2) Pickled mackerel ("shimesaba"), or straight raw mackerel ("saba") if they don't have pickled. I order 4 plates every time. Melts in the mouth.