Monday, September 02, 2013

Well, maybe one a day.

Since I am posting as many of these as I can on 01 SEP and then using the delayed post function, I'm not sure how my Gentle Readers are taking these little summations. I hope they're being received well. Anyhoo. Remember, if you like what you read here, go hit up AD or the Kilted to Kick Cancer page.

LawDog


Hullo,

It’s been one fun evening out here at River. Right off the bat Inmate S in West/3 came up with a jolly huge rash, and stated he was starting to have problems breathing. Nurse came out, did some nursing-type stuff and watched him for a bit. He seems to have gotten better.

Right after that, Inmate M and Inmate Y got into a fight in West/4. Review of the video shows that while it may have been mutual combat, Inmate Y instigated it. Both got disciplinary cases, and moved to other tanks. Then Inmate R in West/4 started yelping about having something in his eye. We told the nurse, he said to tell Inmate R to flush the eye with water and try to go to sleep.

Officer Slowyerroll has the sort of radio voice that would accompany a gentle pat on the shoulder and the words, “Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, how was the play?” so when he laconically asked if a supervisor could come back to SHU/19, I started grabbing every party favour I could find and hitting the Control Room door at a high lope. Sure enough, Inmate Q had taken both covers off of the power outlet in that cell, and was into the wiring up to his knuckles. I’m here to tell you, that kind of made pointing the Taser at him seem a bit … superfluous. We settled for snatching his butt off the table and scooting him down to SHU/5, which has no interior power outlets for him to muck about with.

Of course, Inmate K was the occupant of SHU/5, and of course he had to be difficult about giving up his cell. Diplomacy wins the day, as Inmates K and Q swapped cells with only minor grumbling.

I was feeling my oats a bit at that time, so I had officers tell East/3 – on the down-low – that they were catching a shakedown, but if they threw out their contraband, the officers would try to talk me into leaving their coloured boxers in the tank. Last I checked the hallway in front of East/3 was ankle-deep and folks in East/3 were offering to trade commissary to East/4 in return for more stuff they could throw out.

While East/3 was unloading their contraband, we hit the kitchen and the laundry. Came up with five chicken quarters, two sandwiches, and two Styrofoam cups of sugar hidden in various places. Then we started on the SHU cells, beginning with Inmate C in SHU/16, since he has a fresh tattoo. When we woke him up, he was wearing a set of white boxers on over a set of coloured ones, and he got kittenish about giving up the coloured ones. I said not to mind, put him in the hall and started searching his cell. Good lord. We got string, a magnet, string, four sparkers, string and I’m pretty sure we accidentally dropped his tat pick into the light fixture trying to get it out. Then we brought him back in, explained that the white underwear made his coloured underwear contraband, and might we please have them?

Inmate C is a bit of an oik. He got a case of the arse, and told us we weren’t getting the underwear. Then he offered to give us a proper thumping if we tried. I demurred, said that I wasn’t leaving the cell without the contraband and Inmate C told me to go get rank. I checked my sleeves to see if I had remembered to put on my stripes, and Inmate C sneered for me to go get “real rank”. Further declared that we would have to go get the Sheriff and that if the Sheriff came out right then and right there told him to give up the underoos, then – and only then – would he give them up.

We got the boxers. Since he had more fishing line, a bit of paper folded into a weight and two notes to and from Inmate F who’s currently two doors down from Inmate C’s solitary cell tucked into the front of his boxers, I’m guessing that’s why he was such a numpty about giving them up. I went ahead and photocopied the page of the Inmate Handbook regarding coloured and white underwear and attached it to the grievance he’s demanding.

River did water and intercom checks at 0339; Central/North did theirs at 0005; and Central/Female at 0158. Central/North also did the needful and shook North/7. Officers advise that they found the burnt stubs of jailhouse cigarettes, but that was about all.

Spreading peace and joy, I remain:

LawDog, NCOIC
Bugscuffle SO

7 comments:

Old NFO said...

Heh, another 'fun' day at the office I see! :-)

Buddy said...

I hope you don't work for the Wise County SO! I would hate to think that this craziness was too close to home!

waepnedmann said...

Tomato County Juvenile Detention Facility:

Routine Room Check.
Through observation window in cell door, I observe Minor "Ricky" (tall,well-muscled, Nordic blue-eyed blonde) remove his shirt exposing a fresh (inflamed and weeping blood serum) tattoo of a large swastika on his left pec.

I pop the door, counsel the minor regarding the dangers of diseases, infections, and the limiting of future choices due to "body art." Apply first aid. Doctor's Call. Write Incident Report.

Word leaks through the Facility re. "Ricky's" new body art.

I know that this will come as a surprise:
Tomato County Juvenile Detention Facility is Co-ed in the Dayroom and the Rec Yard.

You can imagine the problems this policy causes.

Any-whoo.
I am supervising the Dayroom and strike up a conversation with a female minor "J." She is black, built like a Hum-vee, and has a past history of biting off pieces of her tongue and spitting the bits of tongue and the subsequently produced blood at staff during cell-extraction incidents.

I have a good working relationship with her.

"J" tells me, "Ricky is not that way. He is not a hater. We party together on the "outs." I even have a picture of him wearing nothing but red bikini panties and a red push-up bra."

I mull this information over. I ask if there is any way she would send that photo to Ricky's Probation Officer after she got released. She giggled and said, "No."

A few months later she shot her boyfriend, in the stomach. He died. She went to prison.

waepnedmann said...

Tomato County Juvenile Detention Facility:

Routine Room Check.
Through observation window in cell door, I observe Minor "Ricky" (tall,well-muscled, Nordic blue-eyed blonde) remove his shirt exposing a fresh (inflamed and weeping blood serum) tattoo of a large swastika on his left pec.

I pop the door, counsel the minor regarding the dangers of diseases, infections, and the limiting of future choices due to "body art." Apply first aid. Doctor's Call. Write Incident Report.

Word leaks through the Facility re. "Ricky's" new body art.

I know that this will come as a surprise:
Tomato County Juvenile Detention Facility is Co-ed in the Dayroom and the Rec Yard.

You can imagine the problems this policy causes.

Any-whoo.
I am supervising the Dayroom and strike up a conversation with a female minor "J." She is black, built like a Hum-vee, and has a past history of biting off pieces of her tongue and spitting the bits of tongue and the subsequently produced blood at staff during cell-extraction incidents.

I have a good working relationship with her.

"J" tells me, "Ricky is not that way. He is not a hater. We party together on the "outs." I even have a picture of him wearing nothing but red bikini panties and a red push-up bra."

I mull this information over. I ask if there is any way she would send that photo to Ricky's Probation Officer after she got released. She giggled and said, "No."

A few months later she shot her boyfriend, in the stomach. He died. She went to prison.

Foo Bar said...

2 quick questions from someone who's only been as close to a county jail as the fingerprinting office upstairs when I went for my CCW/CWP.

what is it with the coloured underware? and what is a SHU? I loathe to tell you how to write Mr lawdog sir. but some of us are ignorant of the nomenclature of the type of fine establishments of which you are now in a supervisory position and humbly request clarification so as to extend our understanding of your fine and entertaining missives.

in words more of the patios of the lesser informed amongst us.

whats with the coloured gonch thing and what the hells a shu?

Peter said...

@Foo Bar:

1. SHU is the Special Housing Unit. It's where the really naughty boys are locked away, to prevent them from being a pain in the posterior in the rest of the prison. It's also the hardest and most unpopular duty in the prison for the staff.

2. Colored underwear: Anything that might be used as escape material is discouraged; so prison uniforms are typically in bland colors that don't approximate what most people wear on the street. Colored underwear can be cut up and used to make other garments, so straightforward white underwear is usually issued. If everyone looks the same, anyone dressed differently stands out, and is automatically suspect. It's a matter of uniformity (literally, in this case).

Hope this helps.

Foo Bar said...

yes. yes it does. I have been informed and educated. not watching a lot of the laughingly called reality tv all I know is what skims the top of popular lack of culture. we guessed the underwear color was maybe a gang thing since everyone knows the gangs run the prisons.

right?

the kids are back and the sun is warm and it is time for me to drive through campus and play the "which hottie is legal and which isn't game".

you may envy at will.