The LawDog Files

Sonnuva -- !

2012-01-20T12:48:00.005-06:00

Well, it seems my lungs felt left out of the other night's performance.

I've not felt ... right ... since the Great Body Clear-Out of 2012, so I finally staggered out of bed and over to my witch-doctor.

You know, when Ye Olde Potion Pusher is listening to your chest and he stays at one spot for a looooong time -- this is what us finely-trained law-enforcement types call "A Clue."

When he steps out into the hall, closes the door, and then two more people come in to listen to your chest, it becomes time to raise a finger and say, "Oi, doc. Something I need to know about?"

One chest x-ray and one blood-work later, the nurse comes in and cheerily says, "Well, your A1c is 5.4. That's some good news!"

I could have strangled her.

I've got a stomping case of aspiration pneumonia, most probably the result of something I'd rather not think about right now going a wee bit astray during the six hours of Wagnerian 'Speaking to God On The Porcelain Phone' from earlier in the week.

I'd never heard of Solu-Medrol before today, but it is apparently lovingly gathered from the fiery depths of Kilauea, gently mixed with extract of naga jolokia, and seasoned with just a pinch of thermite before being loaded into a hydraulic press and shot into my right bum cheek through a sewer pipe.

When the wee lass said, "There's probably going to be a little burn" be aware that the little darling probably referred to the sinking of the Titanic as, "A little oopsie."

Too right there's a burn. The only thing that kept me from doggie-dragging my butt across the carpet on the way to the fire extinguisher was male ego -- and that was losing the fight.

Yeesh.

Two albuterol treatments later, some heavy-duty antibiotics, and I'm back to home. Thank various and sundry gods.

I'm going to find a bag of frozen peas and spend the rest of the day napping.

Toodles.

LawDog

Posted without further comment

2012-01-17T23:46:00.004-06:00

Don't read this. Graphic depictions of bodily functions.

2012-01-16T13:02:00.002-06:00

One of the few acupressure points that actually seems to work on me is the one for nausea on the inside of the wrist.

When I was younger, I'd do anything to not throw-up. As I've gotten older, however, I fall more in with the whole, "Better out than in" school of thought.

Early this morning, I awoke to my stomach telling me that things were about to go all splodey, so I hie'd myself into the khazi and arranged myself properly.

Unfortunately, moving seemed to quell the savage beast, so I was sitting on the loo, getting more and more miserable by the moment, when I realized that what kept me from puking, might aid the process -- so to speak.

For those of you who don't know, the acupressure point mentioned earlier is on the inside of the wrist. You take a thumb, and press firmly and -- on me anyway -- a lot of times the urge to chunder goes away.

So, I figured if pressing on the inside of the wrist made the pukey feeling go away, then maybe pressing on the outside of the wrist might ... expedite things.

Yeah. We aren't going to touch that pressure point. Ever. Again.

That little SOB must be connected directly to the pelvic splanchnic ganglion because, while I did NOT throw up, stuff was evacuated. And a damned good thing I was sitting on the porcelain throne, might I add?

To get some idea of what happened, understand that when things cut loose, at that moment, in the Old NASA Engineers Home, several members of the Apollo Space Program made little slide-rule motions in their sleep, and smiled.

I can now positively state that my throne has been G-tested.

The .. umm ... performance was so ... umm ... dynamic, that it apparently caused my stomach to go sit in the corner and sulk, because once I got done hanging on to the walls for dear life, I wasn't all that ready to throw-up anymore and staggered back to bed.

Fast-forward some minutes, and my stomach decided that it had the perfect response to the performance earlier, so -- once more -- I fling back the covers and high-step it to the bathroom.

Where I discover that apparently my stomach likes opera. Wagner, actually.

To get some idea of the next several minutes, I'd like you to think of that classic Bugs Bunny cartoon using opera, the one where Elmer Fudd is the viking out to "Kill da Wab-bit!" take the score, and replace the words of the song with variations of "Blargh!" and a gentle undertone of, "Ohgodohgodohgod."

Blargh--bl-bl-blargh, blargh! Blargh, bl-bl-blargh, blargh! BLLAAAAARRGH!!!

In true Wagnerian fashion it went on. And on. And on.

Finally, my stomach dug down deeeep for the last aria, put down the baton, re-fastened the bow-tie, adjusted the tails just so, and regarded my lower GI tract with a "Hmph".

One-upper.

So, how was your day?

LawDog

Note from Phlegmmy- LawDog's notes

2012-01-15T12:33:00.005-06:00

This time last year, I was getting ready to take my math credit course at a local community college, and I needed a pad for working out my algebra problems. LawDog gallantly gave me one of his half-used old notebooks and I used the remainder for my scribblings. Today I was going through my backpack, making ready for my Anatomy and Physiology I class which begins Tuesday and I pulled out the old notebook. In my frenzy for the subject last year, I never read what Himself had written in the beginning of the notebook, and today I find rich meat-food lay therein. Of course, occasionally, someone says in person (or I note in his comments) that he should publish a volume, and though I do not nag, I will mention the same about once a year or so. I'm not kidding when I say I held my sides with mirth whilst reading some of his notes taken in class. I implored and he conceded to allow me to post just one here, and I must say I feel guilty hoarding the rest of the lot to myself. I hope you'll enjoy this tiny taste:

"Be the guiding light." Hell, I'm usually the on-coming train. And I'm good at it. Which could be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it.

Wow. Just ... wow.

2012-01-11T10:52:00.002-06:00

This is beautiful.

I have often said that the gun community is not quite like any other, and this young lady quite succinctly sums that up.

Well done.

LawDog

Really?

2012-01-10T13:46:00.005-06:00

The Texas Alcohol Beverage Commission has nifty little official warning signs posted, that I have been noticing for some time, but one of which kind of kicked over my giggle box.

The signs in question read:

Drinking any type of alcohol while pregnant can hurt your baby's brain, heart, kidneys and other organs and can cause birth defects.

The safest choice is not to drink at all when you are pregnant or trying to become pregnant.

IF YOU MIGHT BE PREGNANT, THINK BEFORE YOU DRINK.

This particular sign is above the urinal.

In the men's loo.

*blink, blink*

Rest assured, chappies, that if I might be pregnant, I will most certainly stop drinking. Right after I call the National Enquirer.

LawDog

Spam-bot fail

2012-01-09T11:01:00.003-06:00

Apparently there's a personal injury attorney in Tampa, Florida (who may or may not be named "Simon") who has retained a spam-bot for the purposes of spamming the comments of blogs.

Found some of that spam in several comments here, point-of-fact.

Now, I'm not a big fan of defence attorneys, because over the past couple of decades they're usually hinting broadly to twelve complete strangers that I'm a liar, incompetent, a lair, crooked, a lair, racist, a liar, poorly educated, a liar, misogynistic, a liar, sadistic and that I lie through my teeth.

On several occasions they weren't hinting, and on at least one really memorable moment the tile-crawler hit most of the points above.

All the while knowing that not only was I not any of the above, but knowing for a fact that his client was guilty as hell.

Like I say -- not a big fan.

However, our Republic needs defence attorneys for our system to work. And -- truth be told -- when they are maligning me to a jury and insulting me to my face on the witness stand, they're just doing a necessary job; it's not personal (most of the time); and (most of them) don't really believe that I would violate my oath.

So, I will needle them on this blog, I will write elaborate comparisons to sharks and other creatures, but I do not indulge in elaborate fantasies involving a defence attorney, a dark alley, a wombat, a sack, and a jar of grease.

Personal injury attorneys, on the other paw ...

... They're the lawyers in "Lawyer-proof triggers".

They're the reason that my cup of coffee says, "WARNING: CONTENTS MAY BE HOT".

The label on a go-kart that says, "CAUTION: THIS PRODUCT MOVES WHEN IN USE"? Personal-injury lawyers.

Neutered chemistry sets? Wimpy slides on playgrounds? "No Swimming" signs at the local watering hole? High dive platforms removed from the YMCA pool? Ban on rat-busting at the city dump? Proof-against-everyone-except-children pill bottle lids?

Thank a personal-injury lawyer -- or the fear of one -- for all of the above.

That feeling that the entire world wants to wrap you in bubble-wrap and only let you have stuff made from Nerf? Personal-injury lawyers.

Near as I can tell, personal-injury lawyers are primarily responsible for sky-high insurance rates, increasingly louder screams for tort-reform and the entire State of California.

"The officer used a blackjack against my client. If he had used an ASP, there wouldn't be any need to sue."

"The officer used an ASP baton against my client. If he had used OC spray, there wouldn't be any need to sue."

The officer used OC spray against my client. If he had used a TASER , there wouldn't be any need to sue."

"The officer TASER'd my client. We're suing!"

Sweet haploid Judas on a crutch!

I'd like to put into print some of my fantasies involving personal-injury attorneys, particularly the one that makes the police psychologist back slowly out of the room ... but someone named "Simon" in Tampa, Florida would probably sue me.

Grr!

Spam-bot fail! Get off my blog!

LawDog

Something Tookish woke up inside him ...

2012-01-08T12:41:00.007-06:00

I have seen the teaser trailer for The Hobbit, and after listening to the song of the dwarves that I have read so many times in print ...

... I am experiencing a serious urge to gather up my hat, walking-stick and handkerchief, and run to catch up with the dwarves.

I want to have an ale in Hobbiton, walk the halls of Rivendell, explore Mirkwood, watch the sun come up from the docks of Lake-town, and take on Smaug -- preferably with a Stinger MANPADS.

*sigh*

Instead, I guess I'll just go to work.

Bugger.

LawDog

Dateline: karaoke bar from Phlegmmy.

2012-01-07T23:27:00.002-06:00

I'm at a karaoke bar with my beau and he flatly refuses to sing "dirty deeds done dirt cheap" with me. I'm inclined to pout.

Herself

Let there be light!

2012-01-07T08:00:00.000-06:00

Lady Tam has discovered the Streamlight Microstream, one of which has been living in my left front pocket for ages.

It is, indeed, a handy little light -- even more-so if you stoke it with a lithium AAA dry-cell, rather than the standard alkaline version -- but the pocket-clip might leave a little to be desired.

I say this, because I was recently in the north of the Texas Panhandle as part of a convoy To Somewhere Interesting. We had stopped at a convenience store to do the needful, and were loading up for the final push when MattG and Tam pulled across the fuel pad, pointing and making yelling faces.

Turns out that a mischievous gust of Panhandle breeze had plucked my Microstream out of my pocket and was rolling it across the parking lot.

This is actually the second of these little jewels I have carried, because the first disappeared out of my pocket ... somewhere ... probably under similar circumstances.

Since you can find them for between $13 to $19 dollars on-line, and I had gotten at least that much use out of it fairly quickly, I wasn't as torn up about the loss as I would have been if one of my Surefires had done the same.

And I really don't know how Streamlight could make the pocket-clip any better, come-to-think.

Anyhoo, good lights, but watch them if you clip them to a pocket, like I do.

LawDog

Meditations on cameras

2012-01-06T18:00:00.004-06:00

Apparently there has been some Internet kerfuffle involving officers being videotaped by citizens. Seems some officers get their Hanes all up in a half-hitch about it -- to the point of pulling some truly feather-legged stunts.

Why?

And I'm asking that question of both sides, by-the-by.

I ask the officers because, well, duh. If you're not doing anything to be ashamed of, why do you care if someone videotapes you?

The advent of the dash-cam was a turning point in modern police work. It has cleared more cases and exonerated more officers than any other single instrument in history.

The only problem with the dash-cam is that it has a relatively narrow field-of-view ... which is fixed. Once the cruiser is parked, the dash-cam can't move.

And I'm here to tell you, when critters decide to resist, or evade, or get really squirrelly, most of the time it doesn't happen on the hood of your cruiser.

So, now you have a dash-cam that's going to follow you, that you don't pay for, that the tax money of the citizens of your County doesn't pay for, that pays for it's own maintenance, supplies it's own parts ... where's the downside?

Hell, if someone wants to follow me around on patrol with a video camera I'd probably hand him a ride-along sheet and offer to buy him coffee.

Remember, children, even as officers we have the Sixth Amendment right: "to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor."

Allegations of minor misconduct by officers are on the rise. By "minor misconduct" I mean complaints that officers were unprofessional, or rude, or abrupt, or any number of things that can ding your personnel file.

Hell, I know of a neighboring department that opened a file on an officer because someone complained that the officer "displayed his tattoos in a menacing manner."

Call it Death by Nibbling Ducks.

And here we have someone with hard evidence that can either show that the allegation is a distortion, is an exaggeration, or is an outright lie; or it can show the totality of the circumstances of the event.

As long as you are abiding by your oaths ... like I said: where's the down-side to this?

As for the citizens ...

... I love you to death, I will happily buy you coffee, I will insist that you take this card with the direct line to ~~Infernal~~ Internal Affairs, as well as a map to their ~~lair~~ office, I will probably send you "Thank You" notes -- but, I think you're crazy.

For Freyja's sake, I hope you never video anything Really Good.

I won't ask you your name when you first start following me -- because it's not really any of my business.

However, the moment Anything Good happens in your presence, you're no longer A Citizen, you are A Witness; and it becomes my duty to demand your name, address, and date of birth.

I will not seize your camera -- unless someone is heading for the Emergency Room, or room temperature, and even then I'll probably just wait for the detectives to seize your camera.

And that's the worst thing I could do to you. I'll let you noodle about for "Chain of Custody", but you're going to learn to hate that phrase.

Another one you'll learn to hate is: subpoena duces tecum.

Just for giggles some time, look up the Latin translation of that phrase, and understand that judges have no sense of humour at all about it.

My friend, you see that person with the big white grin in the thousand-dollar suit sitting next to the defendant? You know why that suit costs a thousand dollars? Because it has to be specially tailored around the dorsal fin.

When Mama's Little Dumplin' who ain't never done nuffin' except sing in the choir, deliver home-cooked meals to the disadvantaged, and rescue kittens is accused of resisting arrest/assault on public servant/retaliation against a public servant/domestic violence/drive-by shooting/armed robbery/fill in the blank here ...

... your video of the incident, or of the victim, or of the crime scene is going to become an important part of the case against Mama's Little Dumplin', because juries just looooove videos.

And the ~~tile-crawling shark~~ defence attorney knows that juries just looooove videos. So he (or she) knows that if he wants to earn his retainer he's (or she's) is going to have to get the video either thrown out, or discredited on the stand.

Welcome to the prosecution. This is the witness stand. Yes, that is a bulls-eye on your chest. With appeals and the probably inevitable civil trial, you could be here for years.

Love ya. Shift starts the usual time on Monday. If you're late, I'll swing by the Stab-and-Grab on Main every so often so you can catch up.

LawDog

OOHHH!

2012-01-06T08:00:00.000-06:00

Victor Borge had a classic skit in which he added punctuation marks to conversational speech:

For some time now, whenever I speak of a well-known maker of tactical gear, I have been adding a verbal exclamation mark to the name. A habit which has, no doubt, confused a great many people.

I have just now figured out that Mr. Borge is responsible for it.

Heh.

Sorry, Blackhawk. Or, rather, Blackhawk-ffsstt-pck.

LawDog

Smoky burny goodness

2012-01-05T09:47:00.003-06:00

Chipotles are chili peppers -- usually jalapenos -- which have been allowed to ripen to the point that they're starting to lose moisture, then allowed to dry over a smoky wood fire for some days.

Come to think, chipotles are to chilies much as jerky is to beef.

Anyhoo, chipotles add a nice, smoky bite to various recipes, and are a staple of Southwestern and Tex-Mex cooking. However, if you don't do your own chipotles, you generally have to buy them in a can, which can be a bit of a pill when you just want one chipotle for your pot of beans.

Yes, I realize that you can get ground chipotle powder. Not the same.

Recently Herself and I discovered Clemente Jacques Chipotle Topper.

Oh. Mah. Gawd.

It's a squeeze bottle of pureed chipotles in a nice little adobo sauce, and it sits on your 'fridge shelf and lets you squeeze as much -- or as little -- goodness into your pot of beans, or chili, as you want.

Turns out, it's also good on hamburgers, chicken planks, BBQ, fish fingers, any steak you had a "whoops" with, and probably burritos and such.

A warning, though: if a house-guest grabs the wrong bottle and doses his french-fries with not-ketchup, that first bite is going to be a bit ... dynamic. Warnings for anyone coon-fingering the 'fridge looking for tomato sauce are probably advisable.

LawDog

Hypocrisy, much?

2012-01-04T13:32:00.003-06:00

If I want to buy a bottle of bourbon -- which I have the right to do -- I have to provide some form of State-issued photo ID to do so.

And the Federal Government is not only okay with this, the Federal Government encourages it.

If I want to drive my pick-up on a public road in the State of Texas -- which I have the right to do -- I have to provide a specific form of State-issued photo ID to do so.

And the Federal Government is not only okay with this, the Federal Government encourages it.

If I want to exercise my right -- a right guaranteed by name in the Second Amendment to the Constitution of the United States -- to buy a firearm from a dealer, I have to provide some form of State-issued photo ID to do so.

And the Federal Government is not only okay with this, the Federal Government actively encourages this. At the point of a gun, sometimes.

If I wish to board an aeroplane to travel to some other part of these United States -- which I have a right to do -- I have to provide some form of State-issued photo ID to do so.

And the Federal Government is not only okay with this, the Federal Government mandates it.

I opened an account at a credit union recently. I had to provide a picture ID -- mandated by the Federal Government -- to do so.

Hmph.

Voting is a right which when misused or subverted creates far more damage, damage that lasts for far longer, than any use of a firearm. Than any boarding of a plane. Than any drive down a highway.

The Constitution guarantees my right to keep and bear arms. The Federal Government says, "If you show ID first."

I have the right to travel -- Ninth Amendment to the US Constitution -- the Federal Government says, "If you show ID first."

I have the right to buy booze. "Show ID first."

I have the right to buy tobacco. "ID, please."

I have the right to rent a P.O. Box. The Feds demand that I show ID.

I have the right to open a bank account. IF I show ID first.

Mr. Holder and the US Department of Justice will break the Fed.Gov's foot off in someones butt if you do any of the above -- or more -- without ID. And he -- they -- are perfectly okay with this.

But have one State decide to ask for ID before exercising another right -- the right to vote -- then Holder, the DOJ and the Fed.Gov decide that it violates the Constitution.

Every other right, it's okay to demand that we show ID before enjoying such right.

Huh.

I haven't checked yet -- if you look up the word "hypocrite" in the dictionary, is there a picture attached? Of whom?

LawDog

NORAD, bless their hearts ...

2011-12-24T12:59:00.005-06:00

... Are continuing their fifty-plus-year tradition of tracking Santa Claus, and setting records this year.

NORAD.

I would like to state for the record that while I would not mind in the least my tax money going to this effort, generous donors are funding the whole thing, while volunteers man the phones.

Colonel Harry Shoup would be proud.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

LawDog

Confession for the day

2011-12-22T12:16:00.004-06:00

I was in my late teens when I finally discovered that the song was not, "Got to rescue Mary, gentlemen, let nothing you delay."

These days, I think I prefer my teenage version.

Huh.

In that spirit, here is Ronnie James Dio, doing what he did best:

LawDog

Dragon Leatherworks

2011-12-21T10:04:00.003-06:00

Herself has written a review of a Dragon Leatherworks Flatjack holster, and I thought I'd add my tuppence worth.

The first thing I noticed when we opened the package was that compared to my other leather holsters, this one felt more substantial for about the same weight.

While it is a very pretty holster, it is a very solid one also -- a detail which is fairly important to me -- with the leather at the belt slots being more rigid than an equivalent holster from Galco. When mounted on a belt, this Dragon Leatherworks holster does not move around -- at all. Where you place it when you put it on, is where you're going to find it when you take it off.

To be perfectly honest this may be more due to the fact that my Galco has seen several years of use, while the Dragon Leatherworks is still new. Time will tell.

The rigidity of the leather also ensures that one-handed, no-eyes re-holstering is a breeze. This is a detail that I regard as mandatory for a holster, but other people may not. YMMV.

One of the first places I check on a new holster is the top inner edge -- the bit that is most liable to come into long-term contact with my tender pink hide. On a lot of El Cheapo holsters this edge can be rough, or even sharp, causing unnecessary wear on shirts or even scratches or abrasions on said afore-mentioned tender pink hide.

That edge on this holster is nice, smooth roll.

The Gun That Killed Santa Claus is a stainless-steel Ruger SP101 .357 magnum with the 3-1/16" barrel. The current Ruger web-page lists the weight as being a full-on 27 ounces. It is one solid tank of a snubbie.

Herself's normal carry pistol is a S&W 642 Airweight .38Special in a Galco holster.

It is telling as to the worth and quality of Dennis Badurina's work that Herself found that carrying the Ruger (at almost twice the weight and double the barrel length of the S&W) was much more comfortable for her than carrying the S&W 642 in her usual Galco holster.

And that last paragraph right there says it all.

We here at The LawDog Files give Dragon Leatherworks the LawDog Paw of Approval.

LawDog

Daddy's little murder machine

2011-12-12T12:22:00.002-06:00

One of the best ratting dogs I've ever had was a chihuahua/toy poodle mix named Sally. That little dog treated small vermin like an adorable, furry little tornado treats a single-wide trailer.

And, of course, I've written at least once about Buster on these pages, so you'd think that the hunting ability of chihuahuas and chihuahua mixes wouldn't be anything of a surprise.

Chuy is a dachshund/chihuahua cross -- a "chiweenie" -- and -- as such, is not a real big dog. Solid, yes, but not much more than a lap-full.

He and Praline get the same amount of food every morning, the same amount of food that they've gotten every morning since they achieved their full growth, but while Praline's weight stays the same, Chuy had been getting ... bigger.

When he broke twenty pounds, we were starting to get a bit worried that maybe there were some health issues. Thyroid, maybe.

As a co-inky-dink, about the same time, I noticed piles of feathers in the back-yard. Several pigeons, a mocker or two, and several blue jays, amongst others not readily identifiable. At least one pile every other day, sometimes several in a day.

I know what you're thinking, but Praline isn't all that interested in birds -- not when there are skwirlz that need attending to -- so I figured that since the town busy-bodies had managed to get the entire place declared a Bird Sanctuary (Absolutely No Killing Of Birds! Ever! Even if they crap EVERYWHERE! Verboten!) some enterprising hawk, owl or other predatory avian had staked the neighborhood as it's personal hunting ground.

Hah!

I had let the pups out to do the needful, and since I had just brewed a fresh cuppa, I was watching them through the kitchen window, not thinking of much.

Praline was up in the pecan tree daring the skwirlz to come down and fight -- as is her wont -- but Chuy was laying on the deck that surrounds the pecan tree, chin on his paws, and looking so totally knackered that I was actually a bit worried that he was sick.

And then ...

... I noticed that a blue jay had landed in the yard, and was bouncing here and there, looking for goodies.

Chuy came off the deck like he had an ejection seat under his furry little butt, impacted the bird square amidships and the two of them cartwheeled across the lawn in a tangle of ginger fur, blue feathers, and cursing.

This was apparently such a common occurrence that Praline looked down from her tree, cocked an ear at the full-on brawl not ten feet away, and promptly went right back to opining at the top of her lungs vis à vis the ancestry, personal habits and sexual proclivities of the local tree rats.

The donnybrook ended with Chuy spinning in a backwards circle, shaking his head so fast that the -- probably extremely dead -- bird was nothing more than a blur amid a cloud of feathers, then he trotted off to his man-cave under the Morgan building with his ears and tail at jaunty angles, and the now-mostly-plucked bird hanging limp from his jaws.

Sigh.

I'm torn. Half of me hopes that the local busy-bodies don't find out that he's supplementing his diet with their precious ~~poo factories~~ birdies, and half of me really, really wants to send them a note of thanks and appreciation signed with a bloody paw-print.

LawDog

Kith and kin

2011-12-03T18:25:00.003-06:00

The word "kin" is still used and is commonly recognized to mean those people descended from a common ancestor and belonging to a clan or family.

"Kith", though, is less common -- indeed to my knowledge in these modern days is only used as part of the phrase "Kith and kin".

It comes from the Old English word "cunnan" which meant "to know", and means -- formally -- those people whom are your close friends.

Informally, a wiser gentleman than myself described it thusly:

"Kin are the family God gives you. Kith are the family you choose."

Phlegmmy and I met the matriarch of the Farm Family at the first Blogorado, when she was kind enough to welcome a horde of bloggers into her home; as she did at each subsequent get-together.

I will always remember the twinkle in her eye and her merry cackle at a good story.

This morning, we woke up to terrible news: she had lost her fight against cancer.

I wish that I had words to console her kith and kin; but I don't. Instead, I shall fall back on Mary Elizabeth Frye to convey that which I wish I could:

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die."

Farm Family, I hope that the pleasant memories that you share of Mamaw comfort you now, and that they provide some small measure of peace in the days ahead.

LawDog

Veterans Day

2011-11-11T12:00:00.003-06:00

That is all.

LawDog

Bifocals. I haz dem.

2011-10-28T13:10:00.002-05:00

I thought it was bad when my latest Eager Recruit looked at me with huge eyes, and exclaimed, "You're even older than my dad!"

*sigh*

Fortunately I have an eye doctor who is a shooter (even if he looks too sodding young to have actually gotten a medical degree) and he's tweaked my new cheaters to give me 20/15 vision in my shooting eye. The thought that I might actually be able to see the 500 yard target has eased the sting of OMFGBIFOCALS!!! a tiny bit.

The no-line progressive lenses are giving me fits, though.

My old glasses are darn near a decade old, and ~~are~~ were scratched and hazy to the point it's a wonder I could see the Exxon Valdez, much less anything else, so just walking around is fantastic ...

... And then I glance down and my feet are a nasty little blur -- until I crank my chin onto my collar-bone, and hey! There they are!

*sigh*

I am assured that the Human Brain Is A Wondrous Thing, and that the blurring as I flick my eyes around the various distances in my field of view will be gone in two weeks.

And my lady loves the new frames.

So, all in all, I'll call this one a win.

LawDog

11 SEP 2011

2011-09-11T07:59:00.002-05:00

Seems the Thing To Do Today is to remember what you were doing on this date, ten years ago.

Really? One tiny decade later? Ask me on the fiftieth anniversary. That's a decent amount of time for commemoration.

Instead we should be remembering what we weren't doing on this day ten years ago.

Ten years ago we weren't detaining WWII fighter aces at the aeroport screening for attempting to bring their Medal of Honor onto an aeroplane.

Ten years ago strangers fondling the genital areas of your children and your spouse in public were being arrested instead of being excused.

Ten years ago the Federal Government wasn't trying to ram National Identity Papers down everyone's throats.

The American Government's reaction to the 9/11 attack has done more damage to individual liberty and individual freedom in this country than the combined efforts of every terrorist since Year Dot.

And what does the Media do about this? They engage in misty-eyed navel-gazing and the exploration of FEEEE-lings on the tenth anniversary of 9/11.

Pfagh.

You know what I'm going to do to remember 11 SEP 2001? I'm going to go buy an American military service-member a beer and thank that person for volunteering to be a tiny cog that had a part -- however small, however seemingly inconsequential -- in getting Usama bin Laden shot in the face.

That is a proper remembrance for this date, ten years back.

LawDog

What the hell ... ?

2011-07-21T08:11:00.009-05:00

I have just received, well, multiple copies of a police cruiser dash-cam video of a stop performed by two officers of the Canton Police Department in Canton, Ohio.

I am speechless.

The video is here:

After sitting through that, I have some questions.

1) Is it Standard Operating Procedure for Canton PD Officers to threaten to assault handcuffed and compliant prisoners?

2) Is it SOP for Canton PD Officers to search the back seat of a car with the driver not only still sitting in the car, but not even Terry frisked yet?

3) Is it SOP for Canton PD Officers to threaten the murder of handcuffed and compliant prisoners?

Now.

That lead officer in this video needs a psych evaluation. Sooner, rather than later.

I neither know, nor care, what snakes he's got in his head, what sort of shift he had or what personal problems he's got, but he is a loose cannon on deck and does not need to be driving anything with more horsepower than a desk, nor carrying any gun that uses anything other than water for ammunition.

As a law enforcement professional my-own-self, I state here and now that that man makes me ashamed of my chosen profession.

If you can not handle that traffic stop in the video, my old lad -- that certain, particular and exact traffic stop in the above video -- with more self-control, more decorum, more professionalism, and more basic, common courtesy than what you show ... tell me, do: what the hell are you going to do on one that really goes rodeo?

Insults are no substitute for self-control. Threats are not better than self-discipline. Screaming is not a replacement for dignity and courtesy.

Burger King is hiring. Do yourself a favour; do your department a favour; and do the rest of us a favour -- find a job doing something else ... before you cripple or maim an innocent "putting lumps" on them, or you "put ten rounds" into someone who doesn't need killing.

You complete, utter and total jackass.

LawDog

Summer cocktail

2011-07-11T11:37:00.002-05:00

Take:

2 parts sparkling plonk
1.5 parts elderflower liqueur
2 parts fizzy water
Crushed ice to satisfaction

We use Verdi Spumante for the cheap booze, St. Germain liqueur, Topo Chico fizzy, and Sonic's finest crushed ice.

Fill your glass with the ice, add the rest, stir lightly.

Voila! Summer cocktail.

LawDog

Happy Father's Day!

2011-06-19T08:38:00.002-05:00

The following audio-book is extremely Not Safe For Work. Or to be played anywhere near children.

However, I do believe that most fathers can understand, if not sympathize, with Samuel L. Jackson's rendition of this particular book.

But you really should be careful where you play this video.

Trust me.

Happy Father's Day!

LawDog

Hoo-Ah!

2011-06-16T20:30:00.007-05:00

The Tonga Defence Services are the pointy end of things for the Kingdom of Tonga in the Pacific. Numbering about 500 troopies -- more or less -- in total, a significant percentage of them have been serving in Iraq and, more recently, in Afghanistan.

The following is a video of the Royal Tongan Marines ending their recent tour with the RAF in Afghanistan:

You ever get the feeling that sometimes civilization doesn't stick as thoroughly as some folks might want to believe?

Heh.

LawDog

Question

2011-06-15T16:06:00.003-05:00

Does anyone make a good quality blackjack-style sap anymore?

By "blackjack-style", I mean round head, coil-spring handle and woven leather, like the old Bucheimer 720.

My favourite sap makers Boston Leather and D3 Protection either don't make a blackjack, or their model is folded leather instead of woven -- and I'm a bit of a traditionalist.

Oh, I realize that there is no dearth of blackjacks out there -- every gun show I've attended has a tub full of blackjacks somewhere. Trouble is, I'm fairly sure that they're all from the same Chinese manufacturer: the leather is stamped basket-weave instead of woven, and they're glued instead of stitched.

Just simply will not do.

So.

Anyone know of someone making a quality blackjack, about eight ounces or so, and eight to nine inches in length?

LawDog

LawDog Paw of Approval

2011-06-14T03:58:00.015-05:00

As long-time Gentle Readers will remember, occasionally I review a piece of kit that is really, really handy -- or just plain neat -- and I award it (tongue firmly in cheek) the LawDog Paw of Approval.

Gentle Reader Koutetsu Kaigun has been kind enough to fashion several official Paw of Approval stamps for use on future reviews.

The only problem being I'm not sure which of the seven should be used. So, I shall post all seven designs and you, Gentle Readers, get to vote in the comments for the one y'all think best embodies the spirit of the Paw of Approval.

I'm thinking most votes in the next five days, ending noon-ish my time on Sunday.

LawDog

I admit it ...

2011-06-13T02:58:00.002-05:00

... I'm a food snob.

My earliest memories of a food variety are from the Mediterranean Basin. Maltese and Gozitan (of course), Italian, some Greek and a little of the western Iberian Peninsula.

One thing that all of these cultures had in common was that the diner never got up from the table hungry. The concept of an evening meal that lasted less than a couple of hours was a completely foreign concept to me until I got to England and the United States.

Well, that and serving a no-name house wine with your meals, but that's a rant for another time.

When I sit down at a table for a meal -- especially one that I'm paying for -- I want food on my plate, not two Brussels sprouts and a stalk of asparagus delicately balanced on a chunk of pork the size of a quarter and surrounded by a pattern of sauce which I'm fairly sure is actually the chef's signature.

Some months back, Herself and I were noodling about in a small town some ways south of home when we stumbled across a tiny little hole-in-the-wall place where the maître d' greeted us with a lilting Italian accent.

Not a Brooklyn accent, mind you, but one just off the boat from Tuscany.

Scarcely daring to hope -- I mean, seriously, it's a town of about 5,000 souls in North Texas -- we ordered food.

Oh. Mah. Gawd. About half-way through a glorious chicken piccata, I looked at Herself and opined, "Somebodies Nonna is chained to the stove back there."

Seeing our absolute rapture, the maître d' apologized profusely for not being able to serve wine with the meal (his utter bafflement at the concept of a "dry town" sent Herself into giggles), confided that the quality of bread had forced the restaurant to buy a five digit specialty bread oven, insisted that we try the house blend coffee with the tiramisu, and finally confessed that business had been good enough that they were opening a second eatery in a town that would allow them to serve wine.

A town that just happens to be about fifteen minutes from Rancho LawDog.

Now, the fact that I'm in an area of the country that thinks that Pizza Hut is great Italian food makes me a bit concerned that my taste-buds might have been deceiving me. That maybe my missing that sort of food makes me think that second-rate chow is magnificent merely because it's not from a chain restaurant, so last weekend the Atomic Nerds were staying over after PhlegmPhest and since they're foodies we decided to see if the food was as good to them as it was to us.

Heh.

As we reluctantly left the restaurant, Stingray was plotting various methods to drag it back to the Nerd Ranch behind the Nerdmobile.

Snerk.

Good food. It pops up in the oddest locations, and often where you'd never expect to find it.

LawDog

Public Service Announcement

2011-05-26T18:08:00.003-05:00

While cyanoacrylate is, indeed, used as a liquid suture, it might be advisable to seek some form of training in that particular application, because the "intuitive" thing to do -- in your words -- just might send the ER doctor into orbit.

As a "fer instance" let us say you have developed a sudden gaping wound in your leg. Let us further say that you have been told that your best friends' fathers' brother may (or may not) have used Super Glue to save the life of his Company Commander in VietNam...

(Only a complete cynic might opine that it is more likely that you read it on an Internet Forum, or heard it in a Hollywood screenplay, but I digress)

... If you hobble into the kitchen, grab a full tube of Super Glue from the drawer, stuff the nozzle into the afore-mentioned gaping wound, squeeze the entire contents of the bottle there-in -- well, let us say that the next fifteen minutes of jamming the sides of the laceration together are less than useful, shall we?

That was a masterful use of invective on the part of the ER doc, though, wasn't it? Almost poetry.

Nothing but love,

LawDog

I don't know why ...

2011-05-12T08:23:00.000-05:00

... but this made me spew Darjeeling across the room.

Snerk!

LawDog

Mr President ...

2011-05-02T14:25:00.002-05:00

... your drinking cup is ready.

So. Usama bin Laden has been turfed off this mortal coil courtesy of several months hard Intel work, followed by a late-night visit from a SeAL Team.

Well done, lads. Very well done.

LawDog

Snerk

2011-04-01T10:53:00.002-05:00

My brother Chris is a proto-gunnie. He has a couple of .22 rifles, a 4-inch .357 Ruger, and an 1899 Mauser; but guns are pretty much like the air he breathes -- something he takes for granted and doesn't really notice until you point out an interesting one.

Since he has a degree in Humanities, with a minor in History, "interesting" usually means an old gun, with an old military gun being a gold star. The 1899 Argentinian Mauser (which used to be mine) mentioned above is a prime example.

A couple of days ago, I got an outraged call from him asking if cops were actually allowed to commit felonies. A bit non-plussed, I stated that that was actually a bit of a sticky wicket,and could he point out the felony in question?

Turns out, he has discovered the ATF malfeasance in Project Gunrunner.

Snort.

Anyhoo, I pointed out that he had a very good question, and one that I really couldn't answer.

Today I discover that not only does he Get It, but that he dashed off a quote that will probably be showing up in .sig lines all over the Internet:

"Oh, and why is there a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms anyway? That makes as much sense as having a Bureau of Coal, Petroleum and Citrus Fruit."

Snerk. I'm so proud.

LawDog

What pen for fraudulating?

2011-03-25T16:24:00.003-05:00

By way of e-mail, I discover that my choice of fountain pen at work is apparently a subject of interest.

Huh.

Oookay, anything for blog fodder, I guess.

It's a Lamy AL-Star, the aluminum version of their popular Safari line. I like the Safaris, but I'm used to a bit of weight in a fountain pen, and the plastic Safari just doesn't feel like a fountain pen to me.

I have a Z-24 piston converter installed, which is kind of new to me. When I discovered cartridge systems for pens, I whole-heartedly leaped onto the new (for me) technology, trumpeting the ease of use and vowing to never use a converter again.

Here recently, though, I've become dis-satisfied with fountain pen cartridges. Unless you want to go to some trouble, you're pretty much stuck with whatever ink and colour the manufacturer thinks you need, and they can be a pain-in-the-tuckuss to change out.

With a converter installed, I can use whatever ink or colour strikes my fancy, or even mix my own personal variety.

As far as ink goes, I'm a fan of Noodlers, but I've picked up a couple of bottles of Levenger's house brand ink that I've been quite pleased with; and I've developed a bit of a jones for the Iroshizuku ink.

I seriously doubt if any of my critters will ever see a note scribed in that last, though. They're simply not worth it.

Why a fountain pen?

Well, I'd be lying if I said that ego didn't have something to with my choice of writing instrument. People will stop what they are doing when you un-cap a fountain pen, and watch in fascination as you write with it.

And in today's world of mass-produced ball-point pens and gel inks, there is something satisfying to the soul to be found in writing with an instrument which dates to the 1850s and can trace it's direct lineage back to the 10th Century.

The big plus to a fountain pen is the simple fact that it is easier to write with one. Fountain pen ink is liquid and flows freely. The scribe need only guide the nib across the paper, and the ink will apply itself.

Ball-point pens, on the other paw, use paste ink, and require the writer to firmly apply enough pressure to rotate the ball, dragging the paste out of the reservoir and onto the surface of the paper.

Granted, it is not a lot of pressure, but it does add up over the course of a day. Since I initial or sign over a hundred documents in a shift; answer a score or more Inmate Request Forms, Grievances and the occasional Citizen Complaint, and annotate or add suggestions to a double handful of stuff written by other officers -- my writing hand gets a bit of a work-out.

It may just be imagination, but at the end of the day I can tell a palpable difference between a shift using a fountain pen and a shift using a ball-point.

And I just like them.

LawDog

Hoo-AH!

2011-03-01T11:55:00.003-06:00

Ted Gundy is a veteran of World War 2. He fought as a sniper through the Battle of the Bulge until he zigged when zagging was called for and snagged a German shell with his right leg.

He recently sent an e-mail to the producer and host of the Outdoor Channel's Shooting USA programme, asking about the intricacies of making a thousand-yard shot.

The result of that e-mail is here:

Grab a kleenex or two, the air is going to be a wee bit dusty in your area.

84 years old. 1000 yards. Five inch group.

Hoo-AH!

LawDog

Richard Daley (sr) voted for who?

2011-02-23T15:00:00.004-06:00

Was anyone else shocked (shocked, I say!) about the results of last nights mayoral election in Chicago?

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

LawDog

Note to self from Phlegmmy

2011-02-21T22:36:00.001-06:00

While I appreciate that it takes a ruggedly heterosexual man to wear Hello Kitty bandaids when nothing else is available, must get manly bandaids for the odd handyman mishaps that will occur.

XOXO
Phlegmmy
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Oh my ever-loving Goddess ...

2011-02-15T11:01:00.004-06:00

"Usagi" is the Japanese word for rabbit. It is also "U.S.A. GI", which -- if you are of punnish bent -- can be a nice co-incidence.

If you want to see bunny commandos doing Bad Things to extremist fundamentalist camels, there is a video you must see.

Be advised, there is violence. Graphic, blood-spattering violence. A lot of it. There is also more than a bit of foul language -- and that includes the title of the video.

Clicky here. Remember that I warned you about the graphic violence and the graphic language.

Oh, and watch it in High Definition.

The twitching bunny tail on the sniper caused me to about lose it. I am a sick, sick person.

Watch. Enjoy.

LawDog

Huh

2011-02-11T15:49:00.002-06:00

After steadfastly refusing to be winkled out of his seat, Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak has resigned, leaving the Egyptian military in charge of that country.

Huh.

My Prediction For the Day: In five years -- ten at the most -- the Egyptian people will look back with considerable nostalgia and longing upon the Good Old Days of Mubarak's reign.

LawDog

Why, you little ...

2011-02-04T11:18:00.005-06:00

Last summers slam order on tree rats, along with the removal of anything that might constitute a Squirrel Highway to a distance of eight feet or so from the house, has resulted in a blessed absence of skittering noises coming from the attic.

So, when Farmgirl pointed towards a fat arboreal rodent busily making his way from tree to tree across the alley towards Casa LawDog and mentioned that he was most probably en route to the attic, I assured her that the surviving squirrels had had a season or two of training and weren't that dumb.

Of course, you know what happened next.

I was of the impression that as that fluffy tail disappeared into the attic, I set my tea down, excused myself, strolled into the house, picked up the Browning, checked the chamber, and walked back out to see if the little furry bastard would peek out before settling in.

Other folks have opined that there was a yelp, and that I was gone and back before the tea-mug hit the ground.

Anyhoo.

There I was, concentrating on the front sight, when there was motion to my left, and EvylRobot was there with his own .22 rifle.

And then I noticed that Vine has the exit hole lit up, and that there were a large number of people inside of the house, banging on the ceiling and barking (yes, the dogs were barking, too, but I'm here to tell you that MattG has a bark to put the fear of God into just about anything that walks on this little green dirtball) to drive the squirrel out through a hail of rim-fire lead.

I have the best friends.

The topper to the whole episode, and what sent the Fair Sex present into absolute gales of laughter, was when someone tapped me in the ribs and Holly handed me one of her ambrosial deviled eggs.

Folks, if you're a fan of the deviled egg, don't turn the opportunity to put the gobble to one out of Holly's kitchen.

I'm stuffing the hen fruit into my gob, when I hear a strangled yelp from next to me, and EvylRobot manages, "Wait, wait, I don't have you covered!" as he noshes an egg of his own.

I'm not sure exactly why this was so funny, but it just about kicked the gigglebox right over for the ladies present.

I had an absolutely wonderful time, and made out like a bandit with swag.

OldNFO; Jennifer, EvylRobot and Isaac; Vine; Farmgirl; Holly and JPG; MattG and his lovely wife; ChristinaLMT; my brother Chris; and Ambulance Driver blessed us with their company, and the Atomic Nerds were there in spirit (and by spirit, I mean they sent two cases of Nerd Beer. Oh. My. Gawd.)

Everything under the sun was discussed; there was laughter, good friends, good beer and everyone had a good time. I couldn't ask for a better party.

LawDog

Dear LawDog,

2011-01-26T13:52:00.004-06:00

What is "primer wipe"?

Oh, boy. Got some time?

To explain primer wipe, first let me explain what the "firing cycle" is in a modern firearm.

The "firing cycle" is the series of operations involved in a modern weapon to fire a round. Generally speaking it goes something like this:

1) Feeding. This is the step in which a complete cartridge is introduced into the chamber of the firearm. It is followed by:

2) Locking. In this step the bolt or breech locks to the barrel, so as to contain the pressure generated by the next step, which is:

3) Firing. Sometimes this is called 'ignition', it is when the primer is ignited by the firing pin or striker, and the round is fired. Next is:

4) Unlocking. Once the pressure in the chamber of the firearm has dropped to a safe level, the bolt or breech unlocks from the barrel, which leads to:

5) Extraction. The empty case is removed from the chamber; and finally:

6) Ejection. The empty case is removed from the firearm.

And the cycle continues back with "Feeding".

Primer wipe is a condition in which the firing pin or striker impacts the primer during the "Firing" portion of the cycle, and remains embedded therein through "Unlocking", "Extraction", and "Ejection". As the empty case is kicked out of the firearm, it is dragged across that un-retracted firing pin, causing a characteristic oval or tear-drop gouge, and -- in extreme cases -- smearing the metal of the primer out of the primer pocket and onto the case itself.

There are many different causes of primer wipe, but they all boil down to one of two reasons.

The first of which is that the firing pin or striker is unable to retract after firing.

While, in and of itself, not a dangerous condition, the typical firing pin/striker assembly is a light-weight metal alloy designed to be driven hard enough by a relatively dinky mainspring to ignite a primer.

It is not designed for lateral stress. Sooner or later being yanked sideways every time the weapon fires is going to break, bend, spindle, mutilate or otherwise damage the needle-shaped firing pin or striker assembly to the point that it can no longer function.

Which, since the firing pin or striker is kind of necessary for the whole 'bang' part of your bang-stick, pretty much guarantees said bang-stick is going to be Paws-Up until fixed.

This can range from being Rather Annoying if it happens at the mid-point of the Palma match or as the trophy of a lifetime disappears over a ridge; all the way up to A Bloody Nuisance if it happens during the third shot at five critters trying to get up under your hat with you.

The second reason for primer wipe is when the firing pin simply doesn't have the time to retract.

In other words, the firing pin itself and the firing pin channel are clean and to spec, but the firearm unlocks, extracts and ejects before the firing pin spring has time to push the pin back to its' resting position.

Folks, this can be a Bad Thing.

There's a reason for the second and fourth segments of the firing cycle. When that pin hits the primer for a brief part of a second there is all sorts of nastiness going on inside that chamber. The locking and unlocking is to make sure all that nastiness stays in the chamber and does its' job: driving the bullet out the muzzle-end at velocities up to, and including, trans-sonic.

If the firearm unlocks too soon -- well, that afore-mentioned nastiness is all of sudden up under your nose, introducing itself to you.

I'll let the Gentle Reader ruminate on that for a moment.

Anyhoo, "primer wipe". Hope it was informative.

LawDog

Meditations on Kel-Tec

2011-01-24T15:10:00.006-06:00

The first gentleman who taught me combat with a firearm -- as opposed to shooting with a firearm -- had some squirrelly ideas about the subject.

As a "fer instance" he thought that each side of your brain could do one thing at a time under stress; so the obvious thing to do under stress was look at the threat with one side and kill the threat with the other side.

Anyhoo, he was of the opinion that the natural position of the human hand under stress was clenched into a fist. Based on this. he opined that the problem wasn't pulling the trigger, but rather relaxing your trigger finger out of the natural clenched fist enough to allow you to re-pull said trigger.

The solution? Pull the trigger, and keep the trigger pulled back through recoil, keep it pulled back until you reacquired the threat, then release your index finger and immediately pull it back. Rinse and repeat until the threat was gone, then relax your finger, remove it from the trigger-guard, safe your weapon and holster it.

When I got to the Panhandle Regional Law Enforcement Academy in the early '90's, Ken Ferrin and Mike Dunlap taught a similar method of shooting, called IIRC, "Trigger Reset". In this, we were taught on the first shot to pull the trigger until the pistol fired, then relax our trigger finger enough (about an eighth of an inch on the S&W 5900 series pistols we were training with) for the trigger to reset, then pull to the rear again.

When taught correctly, this is a fast and accurate way to shoot; but it can create a bit of a hullabaloo from newbie range-masters who see me transitioning to my second or third target with the trigger clamped all the way back*.

Good, bad or indifferent, under stress I default to this. Once the shooting starts, my trigger stays clamped to the rear more often than it's released. I do this with my pistol, with an AR15‡, and with my Mossberg.

Yes, under stress, I pull the trigger, work the pump, release the trigger, pull the trigger, work the pump, so-on and so forth.

I mention this, because by way of Caleb over at Gun Nuts Media we discover that this decades-old habit of mine renders the new Kel-Tec shotgun useless to me under stress.

*sigh*

I'm trying to like Kel-Tec's newest stuff -- really, I am -- but the last two of their guns I've played with have been problematical.

Oleg Volk brought his PMR-30 and his RFB to Blogarado, and I wasn't impressed by either one.

The first time I fired the PMR-30 -- and, granted, several other people had been playing with it before I got my paws on it -- it was pulling the rims loose from the case walls and failing to feed. I fired a couple of rounds through it and passed it off.

Later that day, Farmdad handed it to me after he had dunked it in CLP, and it went through a magazine fairly well -- only had to tap it into battery once -- but to my mind a pistol shouldn't have lube literally dripping out of it to get it to work.

The RFB was worse. Oh, it fired like a champ and ran everything we put into it ... but every case it chucked out had one of the most beautiful examples of primer wipe I have ever seen. To the point that OldNFO pulled the trigger once, looked at the case and then refused to shoot it again.

Vine, Farmdad, and I dinked around with that rifle for a while, trying to isolate the cause of the primer wipe, but only managed to launch the gas regulator knob across the Colorado high desert.

I understand that the Kel-Tecs that Oleg brought were early models -- if not prototypes -- but between the PMR-30 and RFB I've personally handled, and the news about the trigger ~~bug~~ feature on the new KSG ...

... folks, I've got to give the new Kel-Tec stuff a thumbs down.

LawDog

*No, I don't move with the trigger held back, unless I'm shooting as I move.

‡No, auto-fire isn't a problem. Unless the weapon is belt-fed, crew-served and/or involves an electric motor, auto-fire is a fantastic way to convert money into noise, and is significantly less-efficient than rapid single-fire at punting critters in front of the Pearly Gates.

Some changes

2011-01-19T15:29:00.002-06:00

Tightened up the place some. Added some long-overdue links to my blogroll, with some more coming -- probably.

LawDog

Regarding Arizona

2011-01-11T17:23:00.002-06:00

Six people died in the Tucson, AZ shooting:

Christina Taylor Green
Dorothy Morris
John Roll
Phyllis Schneck
Dorwin Stoddard
Gabriel Zimmerman

Fourteen others were wounded, but these people -- each some mother's child -- died.

These people were killed and injured by a deranged dungheap rat, who probably should have been taken out behind the barn and Ol' Yeller'd a long time ago.

I do not name this pile of walking fungus-scrapings, as I have seen his smirking face repeatedly on the National Media, and it is clear from his expression that he is enjoying his moment of fame and glory -- he shall have none of that from me.

Also notice, do, that I make no mention of his political leanings, aspirations or alleged beliefs. This is intentional, as rabid dogs have no politics -- only a disease.

I notice that others have made no such distinction. To these people I have two things to say:

One: have the common decency to stop dancing in the blood and making political hay with their dead bodies long enough for their kith and kin to lay their loved ones to rest. There will be more than time enough for your hypocrisies and your political agendas once the mourning is done.

Two: have a care to remember that when you point a finger at me, you're pointing the other three at yourself. When you're running your sanctimonious mouth about the "violent tone of political discord", you'd better take a good, long look at your side -- it wasn't Republicans who filmed an "art movie" about assassinating President Bush.

And where the hell was your outrage when someone (hint: not a Tea Party member, not a conservative, and not a Republican) shot and destroyed his television because the daughter of Sarah Palin happened to be on a popular dance show? Where was your concern with "civil political discourse"?

Have members of the Tea Party and other conservatives stepped up to, if not over, the courteous line in politics? Oh, yes.

But before you go flapping your sanctimonious, hypocritical cake-holes in our direction, I strongly suggest you take a broom to your own damned side. The lovely Michelle Malkin has a list where you can start.

LawDog

Egad

2011-01-10T22:25:00.002-06:00

I carry two pens at at work. One of which is a fine-point gel rollerball for the (frequent) occasions when I'm writing or signing something that has carbons.

The other is a fountain pen with a medium nib. This is the pen that I use for everything else, and is the one I use the most. To the point where I have to refill the converter about every three days or so.

Somebody forgot to remind me that a promotion comes with an exponentially-expanding increase in paperwork. The bastards.

Anyhoo, part of the reason I'm going through rivers of ink is that when an Inmate Request Form (colloquially referred to as a "kite") crosses my desk I answer it properly.

Instead of scrawling a single word ("Approved", "Denied", "No", or the like), I address the response to "Mr (or Ms.) [Insert Critters Name Here] and write a -- usually -- short paragraph explaining why I am not going to authorize the inmate to receive a My First Meth Lab in the mail; or opining that if Ms. Critter didn't want to get stripped and placed on Suicide Watch in Solitary then she shouldn't have tried to hang herself with a bed sheet on video.

Duh.

I hadn't realized that this would get as ... distinctive ... as it has, until the other day, when an officer brought me a kite from an inmate in the last ten minutes of shift. It had been a long shift, I was tired, out of ink, out of sorts, running low on patience and the request was a calculated attempt to game the system.

So I grabbed the kite and my rollerball, wrote a quick "Denied, see Inmate Handbook", signed it, and handed it back to the officer for return.

Lord have mercy.

I get back to work next shift and the first thing I hear is that a certain inmate has twisted off. He's raising hell, flooded his cell, filing grievance after grievance and generally acting the ass.

Huh. I trundle back to Solitary to ask him just what the hell his major malfunction was, and to impress upon him the advantages to a nice, quiet night; when -- upon seeing me -- he practically bursts into tears.

"Mr 'Dawg! They's fraudulating a superior officer! They can't do that!"

I blink, feel my eyebrow slide up, and the Smartarse Gnome takes the opportunity to grab my tongue, "I'm pretty sure that fraudulating violates the laws of physics, if not the laws of the State of Texas, Anthony, but which particular case of flagrant fraudulating are you referring to?"

He waves a stack of kite forms in my general direction for emphasis: "You, Mr 'Dawg! They is impressonating and fraudulating you! And I won't stands for it!"

I look at the on-coming tier officer, "I am? Why was I not told? Did I at least hold out for dinner?" That worthy gives a puzzled shrug (which is a normal response from my minions, come to think), and I turn back to the passionately declaiming Anthony.

He promptly shoves a stack of kite forms into my paws, each one with a paragraph or three on the back in Noodler's Blue/Black from a medium nib, "That's you."

"Okay."

He waves a single sheet of paper upon which four words are written. With a fine-nibbed black-ink G2.

Oops.

"They said this is you -- but I know better! I know better! I knows your writing, and this ain't it! They wrote it, and said it was you! That's fraudulating! If someone writes something and says that someone else writes it, and that someone didn't write it, and that someone is a superior officer, that's impressonating a superior officer! I won't stands for it! It's fraudulating!"

Crap.

Why me?

LawDog

Dear Mr Critter

2011-01-10T13:20:00.004-06:00

When you are beating the stuffing out of the woman whom you swore before your God to love, honour and cherish, I'm sure that quoting musical lyrics is just as dramatic as all hell.

Unfortunately, I literally have scars older than you are, and screaming at me that you "wrote the book on pain" doesn't impress me all that much. To the contrary, it tends to make you look a bit of a git.

I am willing to believe, however, that you can be taught. As a fer-instance, I'm betting that you don't ever grab an officer's shirt in the future.

Won't be smacking anyone around with that arm for a while, I'll wager. And -- for the record -- you do shriek like a little girl. Cry like one, too, come to think.

Jackass.

LawDog

New Years

2011-01-05T14:58:00.002-06:00

There I was, standing over a Trustee of Modern Recreational Pharmacology, observing the fact that he's going into his fifth seizure in half-an-hour, when what spews forth but a mighty projectile burst of blood and stomach acid on a bee-yoo-ti-ful ballistic arch ... which neatly intersects my trouser legs.

About that time, my radio crackles, "County, all units ... Happy New Year."

A long pause, and then my faithful minion clears her throat, and apropos of nothing, opines, "I'd say that it's well-known fact that what you're doing at the stroke of midnight portends what the next year will be like, but I don't want to get beaten to death with a portable suction device."

This one chose ... wisely.

2010 was, while not an outstanding year, was not a bad one -- all things considered.

There have been some medical issues, but those are well-in-paw. And while I don't love my job as much as I used to, it's still worth getting out of bed, suiting up and clocking in.

I have good friends, kith and kin are close, I have a roof over my head and food on the table; and I have the love of a beautiful woman.

Everything after that is just gravy.

Here's looking back at 2010; and here's looking forward to 2011: may we all remember what is important and not let what is not trouble us.

Wishing you always walls for the wind,
A roof for the rain,
Tea beside the fire,
And the love and laughter of those you hold dear.

Sláinte!

LawDog

snerk

2011-01-05T14:52:00.002-06:00

And to prove that I'm not the only one with a low and bawdy sense of humour in the family, I give you Chris' version of gnomish flight, parts one and two.

Considering the amount of giggling those posts engendered in Herself, we'll go ahead and announce that there's a Class II Beverage Alert for those posts.

LawDog

snerk

2010-12-28T15:38:00.004-06:00

By way of Tolewyn's da, we are treated to a selection of animal videos with voice-overs dubbed in by those cheeky lads over at the Beeb:

*gigglesnort*

LawDog

Yep, he's related to me.

2010-12-27T10:58:00.002-06:00

My brother Chris gets his paws on a camera phone and a gnome and promptly scripts a Christmas tale.

LawDog

And now we play the music of my people ...

2010-12-23T17:52:00.003-06:00

I see that YouTube has taken down the TSO video I traditionally post here and replaced it with something bracketed by commercials.

Sigh.

Oh, well. The music is the important part anyway.

Happy holidays and a joyous Yule, Gentle Readers.

LawDog

A little military Christmas humour:

2010-12-21T00:02:00.003-06:00

OPERATION ORDER 12-05:

OFFICIAL VISIT OF LIEUTENANT GENERAL S. CLAUS

An official staff visit by LtGen Claus is expected at this base on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all personnel during the visit:

Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes Officers, Warrant Officers, Staff Non-commissioned Officers, Noncommissioned Officers, and mice. Marines may obtain special stirring permits for necessary tasks through the Battalion S-1 Office (See Company Office for PAR).
All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap no later than 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be: pajamas: cotton, light-weight, general purpose, olive-green; and cap: battle-dress: utilities – Woodland pattern. Equipment will be drawn from supply prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember that this is the “season of giving.”
Personnel will utilize standard T-ration sugarplums for visions to dance in their heads. Sugarplums are available in T-ration sundry packs and should be eaten with egg loaf, chopped ham, and spice cake to ensure maximum visions are experienced.
T-ration sundry packs can be picked up at the Medina Dining Facility (MDFAC) from 0800-1800 24 Dec. The S-4 will coordinate the acquisition and distribution of the T-ration sugarplums and accompanying items.
Stockings – wool, cushion sole, olive-green – will be hung by the chimneys with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fires caused by carelessly hung stockings. Platoon commanders will submit stocking handling plans to the S-3T, Training Chief, prior to 0800 hours, 24 Dec. All Platoon commanders will ensure their subordinate personnel attend mandatory stocking-hanging safety classes and are briefed on the safety aspects of stocking hanging by the Safety Officer. Stocking Safety will be taught 18 Dec at 1900 in the conference room of Bldg 321. Stocking Licenses will be issued at that time. Stockings will be issued out of the pebble shack on a first come first serve basis from 1400 – 1600 on 19 December.
At first sound of clatter, all personnel will spring from their racks to investigate and evaluate the cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and throw up the window sashes. On order, Operations Plan (OPLAN) 7-01 (North Pole Contingency), para 6-8-A9(3), dated 4 Mar, this office, takes effect to facilitate shutter-tearing and sash-throwing. Platoon Commanders, Platoon Sergeants, and all Marines of the Guard will be familiar with procedures and are responsible for seeing that no shutters are torn or sashes thrown in the barracks prior to the start of official clatter.
Prior to 0001 hours, date of visit, all personnel possessing Standard Target Acquisition and Night Observation (STANO) equipment will be assigned “wondering eyeball” stations. The Sergeant of the Guard will ensure that these stations are adequately manned even after shutters are torn and sashes are thrown.
The Company Training Chief, in coordination with the U.S. Transportation Command (CinC-Trans) and Motor T, will assign one each Sleigh, Miniature, M-24A3 and eight (8) reindeer, tiny, for use by LtGen Claus. The assigned driver must have a current sleigh operator’s license with rooftop permit and evidence of attendance at the winter driving class stamped on his Department of Navy Form 348. Driver must also be able to clearly shout “On, Dancer! On, Prancer!” etc.
LtGen Claus will initially enter Bldg 302 through the front entryway. All buildings without chimneys will requisition Chimney Simulator, M6A1, for use during the visit. Request chimney simulator on Department of Navy Form 2765-1, which will be submitted in four copies to the Company Gunnery Sergeant prior to 20 December. Personnel will ensure that chimneys are properly cleaned before turn-in at the conclusion of visit.
Personnel will be rehearsed in the shouting of “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!” or “Merry Christmas to All and to all a Good Night!” This shout will be given upon termination of the visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of the Senior Enlisted Marine.

(Signed)
For The Commander

Author Unknown.

Probably a little esoteric for my non-prior-service Gentle Readers, but I expect at least a bit of the humour will come through.

Happy Holidays!

LawDog

Thank you

2010-12-07T19:11:00.002-06:00

As a Gentle Reader commented, I have the best readership.

Nana had a good meal on Wednesday, with a good dessert -- always her favourite part -- talked with the staff and other residents, and watched a movie on the telly before going to bed.

Thursday morning, she couldn't be woken up.

She was unresponsive for several days, allowing family to say their goodbyes, and then at 0955 hours on Monday 06DEC2010, Death came quietly and kindly and Nana simply ... slipped away.

We will be laying her next to Granda in the family plot on Saturday.

Again, I thank you, and my family thanks you, for your kind words and thoughts.

LawDog

Requiscat in pacem

2010-12-06T10:14:00.006-06:00

Nana

1907 to 2010

She was born a doctors daughter in small town Texas, at a time when vehicular horse-power meant you had a horse attached to the front of your vehicle.

She was a school teacher, a librarian, and she sponsored the school newspaper, touching literally thousands of students lives -- and outlived many of her students.

She is preceded by her husband, her son-in-law and all of her brothers and sisters; and she is survived by her daughter, two grandsons and a granddaughter.

Rest in peace, Gran. I love you.

LawDog

The Cornered Cat

2010-11-19T17:57:00.003-06:00

Over on the left you will find a link to The Cornered Cat, a web-site by, about, and for the lady shooter written by an absolutely wonderful lady named Kathy Jackson whom I was on Staff with over at The High Road.

Kathy has now come out with a new book -- again, for the distaff side of the shooting world -- named "The Cornered Cat - A Woman's Guide To Concealed Carry".

Gentle Readers, if you are a lady shooter or a lady thinking of becoming a shooter, I highly recommend this book.

If you are of knuckledragging side of the species, might I suggest that it would not be amiss to consider getting a copy (or copies) of this book for those of the Fair Sex amongst your kith and kin?

Christmas is, after all, just around the corner.

LawDog

Meditations on a father's duty

2010-11-16T17:41:00.003-06:00

Anyone with internet access has no doubt heard of the latest act in Transportation Security Theatre.

A quick recap for those who have not: a gentleman who happened to have a digital recording device "opted out" of walking through the full-body scan (also referred to as the Porn-Scan, the Pervo-Scan, and the alliteratively correct RapeScan), and was informed that he would be the recipient of the new "comprehensive pat down".

Having not received the time-honoured dinner and movie, nor even a kiss, the gentleman in question announced that if his wedding tackle got groped, he would have the groper arrested.

The local TSA operatives got their noses out of joint, with the end result that said dissenter got escorted from the aeroport with dire threats of an investigation and an $11,000 fine in his near future.

This has happily rebounded throughout BlogWorld with the result that a TSA spokes-critter has been caught on record making a very stupid statement:

"The (body image scanning) technology is sent to the airports without the ability to save, transmit or print the images," said Greg Soule, TSA spokesman, in an interview with CBSNews.com. "At airports, the images are examined by a security officer in a remote location, and, once the image is cleared, they're deleted."

Oh, dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

TSA employees are people. And people -- like it or not -- will find some way to Rule 34 the scanner images. Trust me, I deal with people every day.

It's going to happen.

So, I predict that in about a year -- two years at the outside -- a different TSA spokes-critter will be on national TeeVee explaining that the assorted scanned images of females' dishabille (Herself gleefully comes up with "PILFs!", I leave the translation of that to others better versed with Seinfeld than myself, but apparently the first word is "Passengers") is an isolated incident, that it can't happen again and steps have been taken to fire the TSA employee responsible.

Huh.

In light of this, if I were the father of teenage girls, there is no way this side of Hel that I'd take them anywhere near an aeroport with this kind of set-up ... ever again.

In what rational world does it become okay for someone to tell you, "Hey, we're going to take nekkid pictures of your precious daughters -- but it's okay! It's done by an anonymous person, and it's for your safety! And we won't ever, ever keep those pictures! We promise!" ...

... And people are fine with this. More than that, people are being told this is a Good Thing.

It's a Good Thing for a stranger to take nude pictures of your little girl. More than that, It's For Your Safety! The Government Says So!

*blink, blink*

Is it just me, or is there something fundamentally wrong with that whole mind-set?

Those wishing to make some kind of statement to the aerolines, may check out these links:

Opt Out Day

We Won't Fly

Personally, unless some government entity is paying my way on government business, I'm going to do my level best not to ever go through an aeroport with this level of idiocy installed.

And I plan to send a hand-written letter to the major aerolines and the local aeroports stating just this, also.

LawDog

Sherlock

2010-11-08T20:23:00.004-06:00

By way of Herself, I find my self watching the BBC Masterpiece Mystery series, Sherlock.

It is a retelling of Sir Arthur's classic detective, my very own favourite Sherlock Holmes, albeit from a very modern perspective.

Some folks are not going to like this Holmes, but just like the recent movie involving Robert Downey (jr) and Jude Law, I approve of this Sherlock Holmes. He is much more faithful -- not completely so, but more so than other efforts -- and this pleases me.

The stories are set in the modern era of computers, cell phones and such (nicotine patches!) with Dr Watson being a veteran of the recent on-going unpleasantness in Afghanistan and Iraq.

There are several tongue-in-cheek references to the original stories -- the first episode is titled, "A Study in Pink", and others abound.

The first three episodes are free for a short time on the above-linked web-page, with the last one ending in what is -- for me -- an absolutely infuriatingly nail-biting cliff-hanger.

It doesn't cost you anything to watch the first three, and I think anyone who loves the old stories would be well-served by giving up a bit of time to watching these.

One word of advice to Dr Watson, though: If some critter has outfitted you with a Semtex weskit, and has the monumentally poor judgment to not only get within arm's reach of you, but to allow you to get an arm around his throat ... do go ahead, apply a rear naked choke, and just put him out of everyones misery.

Honestly.

Go forth, watch, enjoy!

LawDog

Thought for the day:

2010-11-04T00:01:00.001-05:00

"Right is right even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong even if everyone is doing it."

-- St Augustine of Hippo

LawDog

Meditations on dancing with who brung you

2010-11-03T12:45:00.006-05:00

Well, last night the Republican Party pretty much buried the Democrats in the House of Representatives; and in the Governors mansions around the country.

Much cheering abounds, and I'm happy for everyone.

As a history buff, however, I have to look back upon the mid-term elections of 1994 and ruminate.

Then, as now, an angry and restive populace -- who were voting against the power-mad Democratic government, rather than for The Other Guys -- swept the Republican Party into power, ending a four-decade Democratic lock on Congress.

And -- again, as now -- the Republican Party solemnly swore that they would turn Congress back to the Constitution; that they would bring smaller, less intrusive government back to Washington; and -- above all -- "fiscal accountability".

It took less than two years for the Republican Party to become just as greedy, power-mad, and crooked as the Democrats they replaced.

And here we are, sixteen years later, the newly on-top Republicans are swearing upon the heads of their first-born that they worship the Constitution; smaller government ...

... same song, different verse.

*sigh*

One of the only bits of light I can see in the near future is the fact that the Internet is much more completely established now than it was in the early '90's -- and the Internet is the source of the power of the Tea Party.

Oh, not the Tea Party itself, per se, but those voters who -- whether they know it or not; whether they admit it or not -- those voters that believe in and follow the values of the Tea Party.

Those are the voters that are responsible for the Republicans getting to be the belle of the ball.

Will the GOP now dance with those what brung 'em?

Early thoughts on that subject are not encouraging. Old habits tend to get set in stone, and that ancient habit displayed by the older Republicans of "lip service to the voters while we do as we damned well please" is pretty much fossilized into place.

Will the Internet base of the Tea Party, and like-minded folks, have the stick-to-it-ness to hammer on the Republicans for the next six months? A year? Two years down the road will they still be holding the elephants trunk to the grindstone?

Will the newly-minted Republican congress-critters have the testicular fortitude required to butt heads with party leadership; and the moral fortitude to cross that same party leadership -- even if it means getting turfed to Coventry by their own party?

Will the Republican leadership actually listen to their constituents; heed the counsel of their newest members, and keep the promises made over these last several months?

I do hope so, but looking back on history ... I'll not be holding my breath.

LawDog

Hoo-ah!

2010-11-03T12:41:00.003-05:00

LTCOL Allen West, US Army (ret) becomes the next Representative from Florida to the United States Government, and gives one hell of a victory speech:

From your lips to Higher ears, LTCOL.

Hoo-AH!

LawDog

Hallowe'en PSA

2010-11-02T12:46:00.002-05:00

From Larry Correia.

Snerk.

Sorry it's belated.

LawDog

Today's guilty pleasure:

2010-10-18T13:27:00.002-05:00

Dog Soldiers.

A low-budget, but thoroughly enjoyable and surprisingly well-made, movie about a section of British soldiers hunted by werewolves in the Scottish highlands.

There is blood, gun-fire and assorted violence aplenty, but also some sneaky little puns and some pop references -- Sergeant H.G. Wells is the NCOIC, and his corporal is named Bruce Campbell

Everyone's favourite Roman centurion, Lucius Vorenus, is the main star, although Private Spoon takes the bikkie for Best Pwnage of A Werewolf Using Kitchen Utensils.

Quotable lines abound, and I have to say that this movie has the best last words ever uttered.

If you like B-grade horror movies -- or Larry Correia's books -- rent this movie, but be warned that it does have a 'R' rating for gore, violence and gratuitous use of British colloquialisms and/or adult language.

LawDog

DIY Tip Of The Day:

2010-10-05T17:38:00.004-05:00

Until you throw that breaker, Mr Electricity is Not Our Friend.

And, if you should happen to be standing on a Baker scaffold, his buddy Mr Gravity is a bastard, too.

Pretty sure my fillings were picking up a pirate AM station out of Tijuana just before I dirt-darted in.

LawDog

Background checks

2010-09-28T09:47:00.005-05:00

I have been asked in e-mail by someone who is actually interested in a debate, rather than trolling, about my stance on background checks for gun purchases.

On the one paw, I realize that there are some people in our society who -- for whatever reason, and like it or not -- have no business being allowed to buy, or possess guns. That is a simple fact of modern life.

On the other, the current NICS system is rife with fail. Until I got my CHL every single gun purchase of mine that went through NICS was delayed. Why? They couldn't tell me.

A friend of mine, currently a serving officer in the United States Army, was unfortunate enough to have his name used as an alias by a school-mate who happens to be a felon. The result? Denied.

How many people does this happen to every year? Enough that NICS has started maintaining a Voluntary Appeals File.

In addition, NICS is one stroke of a pen away from being a National Gun Registry. The Brady Bunch, by way of Frank Lautenberg, have attempted legislation to do this very thing several times already, and will -- no doubt -- continue their efforts to do so.

NICS was presented to the American people as only affecting those who should not buy firearms, and was hailed as actually being good for lawful gun ownership.

However, NICS has been altogether too free and easy with its data to people like Mayor Bloomberg, who then take that information and use that information freely and happily provided by NICS to try to cram more gun control down the throats of lawful gun owners.

NICS is, at best, ambivalent towards gun owners and gun ownership; and as the Brady Bunch, Frank Lautenberg, Mayor Bloomberg and others continually attempt to add caveats, addenda, amendments, expansions and more to the NICS system ... it's only going to get worse.

So, the question is: How to prevent the purchase of firearms by those society deems forbidden to do so, while preserving the privacy of lawful gun owners and preventing any sort of listing activity?

I propose a battery-powered scanner containing an algorithm and capable of reading bar-coded and encrypted digits. This scanner would decrypt and read the bar-code, use the contained data to work the algorithm and -- depending on what the result was -- illuminate one of three lights.

If the result is one of a series of numbers -- for fun, let's say it's a Fibonacci number -- then a red light is displayed on the reader.

Any other number, and the green light comes on.

If the encryption is bad, the encrypted numbers are wrong, or the bar-code is simply not capable of being read, then a yellow light.

When you apply for your drivers license or State identification card, you are checked for a criminal history or psychiatric adjudications. If you have one, your DL or ID gets the code for a red light.

Everyone else -- and I mean EVERYONE else -- gets the code for a green light.

Since these battery-operated card readers will have only the tech necessary to read, decrypt, and compare numbers -- no antennae, no data ports, no memory, no means whatsoever of storing or transmitting information -- you should be able to sell them for ten dollars at Wal-Mart and make enough of a profit to defray the costs of adding the bar-codes IDs.

You want to buy a gun, you walk into a gun-store, swipe your card, green light means you buy what you want and carry it whenever and however you want.

That means open carry, concealed carry, SBR's, NFA's, AOW's, in-State, out-of-State, whatever you want, wherever you want, however you want.

Red light means that you don't.

Simple as that.

You wind up convicted of a crime of violence by a jury of your peers, when the judges sentences you, he takes your DL or ID, drops it into a shredder and you get a paper licence from your local DMV -- which gives the conviction information time to enter the system, and your local DMV time to find it.

Same if you get adjudicated as being mentally incompetent by a jury of your peers.

If the card-readers are inexpensive enough, and are guaranteed not to store or share any information, then a good percentage of private citizens will buy them and use them in their personal gun sales -- a fact which should let the gun-grabbers un-kink their sphincters regarding the so-called "Gun Show Loophole".

Hah! I made a funny!

Anyhoo, you asked, there it is.

LawDog

Larry Correia's new book

2010-09-28T08:43:00.004-05:00

If you liked Monster Hunter International, you'll be pleased to hear that Larry Correia's new book, Monster Hunter Vendetta, is now out.

The addy for Barnes and Noble, and one for Amazon.

If you've already read it, be sure to post a review on one (or both) of those sites.

I've not yet read this one, but I know that I'll enjoy it.

LawDog

Goodness.

2010-09-26T18:03:00.004-05:00

In comments to my post about the 20 questions, JadeGold decides to weigh in. Goodness.

To begin with, I'd like to thank JadeGold for making my point concerning question number eight, in which Janet Peterson of the Brady Group asks:

"Do you believe it is O.K. to call people with whom you disagree liars and demeaning names?"

Notice, do, that JadeGold -- who apparently vehemently disagrees with me -- asserts that I "want criminals and other violent types to have access to firearms". I am also "profoundly ignorant" and obviously have "the need to fondle a firearm daily".

There you go, Ms. Peterson, the answer to your question # 8.

So, without further ado, let us take a whack at this one.

Jeebus. There are so many contradictions, misrepresentations and lies in your responses that it's hard to list 'em all.

Goodness.

First, you can't even answer the first question. Why is that? I think it's because you want criminals and other violent types to have access to firearms.

I did answer the question. Just because you lack the critical thinking skills to process my answer -- or, as is more likely, you lack the desire to process my answer -- doesn't negate the fact that it was answered.

As for the rest of your statement: of course I, as a seventeen-year law enforcement type, profoundly wish to make my job harder than it already is.

And since it is I -- not you -- who has made it my life's purpose to deal with criminals and other violent types every time I sign in on shift, I can see why you would think I would wish to endanger my life that much more.

The above was sarcasm, by-the-by. Just in case you do lack the ability to think critically, I thought I should make that point clear.

Second, your comment about statistics is profoundly ignorant. Whenever you see a doctor, ride on an airliner, etc.--your very life depends on those statistics you claim are all hogwash.

Nope. When I ride in an aeroliner, my life depends upon the ability of the wings to provide lift, and the ability of the pilot to keep the number of landings equal to the number of take-offs. Neither the presence, nor lack of, statistics has the slightest effect upon the physics of flight.

Trust me when I say that we could take every statistic concerning flight in the world, burn them, and aeroplanes will not fall out of the sky.

May I take this moment to say that your touching faith in statistics as a means of flight ... concerns me?

Third, gun deaths are not "miniscule" when compared to traffic fatalities. Unless you seriously believe 30,000 gun deaths is miniscule compared to 34,000 traffic deaths. And when one considers the fact that almost all of us ride in a car almost every day as compared to the small number of folks who feel the need to fondle a firearm daily--your 'miniscule' claim kind of implodes.

Actually, you have a point. As I was typing that part of my answer, I was looking at accidental traffic fatalities (~46,000) compared to accidental gun fatalities (~600)-- CDC data from 2007 -- which is miniscule. However, I understand that the comparison is supposed to be motor vehicle accidents versus all firearms deaths (accidental, justified -- law enforcement, justified -- citizen, suicides and homicides).

In which case, all gun deaths still rank below 1)traffic accidents, 2)poisonings, 3)falls, 4)drownings, 5)fires/burns/smoke, 6)medical/surgical complications and 7)forces of nature.

The number of gun deaths are bad, but there's about 7 other things which kill more people than guns every year. If you're basing your "guns are BAD!" argument on body-count -- and you are -- you've got about seven other things far worse than guns out there.

Fourth, guns were never banned in Chicago, DC or NYC. The gun laws may not have been to your liking but guns were never banned.

Snerk. That's cute.

However, the United States Supreme Court disagreed with you in District of Columbia v. Heller, and McDonald v. Chicago, striking down the handgun bans in both cities.

As far as I know, Evil Black Rifles are still banned in all three cities.

LawDog

Ok, I'll play

2010-09-24T17:28:00.005-05:00

20 questions from here.

Do you believe that criminals and domestic abusers should be able to buy guns without background checks?

No background check ever stopped a criminal from getting his hands on a gun. When they steal them out of cop cars and FBI vans, they don't leave a 4473 on the seat, and the ATF has never received a 4473 from the local dope house. And given the ever-loosening definition of "domestic abuser", I've got reservations there, too.

What is your proposal for keeping guns away from criminals, domestic abusers, terrorists and dangerously mentally ill people?

Since domestic abuse is a crime, and since terrorism is a crime, let me tighten that up for you: "What is your proposal for keeping guns away from criminals and dangerously mentally ill people?

Easy. When they are convicted of a crime, stick their arses in prison.

Do you believe that a background check infringes on your constitutional right to "keep and bear arms"?

Yes.

Do you believe that I and people with whom I work intend to ban your guns?

Yes.

If yes to #4, how do you think that could happen ( I mean the physical action)?

The same way you banned guns in New York. The same way you banned guns in Chicago. The same way you banned guns in Washington DC. Duh.

What do you think are the "second amendment remedies" that the tea party GOP candidate for Senate in Nevada( Sharron Angle) has proposed?

I don't have a clue. Ask her.

Do you believe in the notion that if you don't like what someone is doing or saying, second amendment remedies should be applied?

Since I don't like being robbed, and I don't like being assaulted, yes, I do. As for speaking, that's what the Amendment next to the Second is for.

Do you believe it is O.K. to call people with whom you disagree liars and demeaning names?

If they're lying, it's fairly appropriate. And since folks from your side have called me everything from crazy to redneck to inbred, I'd have to ask your stance on that one.

If yes to #8, would you do it in a public place to the person's face?

Oh, yes.

Do you believe that any gun law will take away your constitutional rights?

Yes.

Do you believe in current gun laws? Do you think they are being enforced? If not, explain.

Damn skippy they're being enforced. That's why it takes me, a peace officer and an honourably-discharged member of the United States military, five days for your so-called "Instant Check" to clear me; it's why West Point graduates are being gunned down in a Las Vegas Costco parking lot for legally carrying their pistol, so on and so forth.

Do you believe that all law-abiding citizens are careful with their guns and would never shoot anybody?

You mean never shooting anybody, or never shooting anybody who needs it? I believe that all law-abiding citizens are human, and thus, not perfect. That's not a reason to ban their guns, though.

Do you believe that people who commit suicide with a gun should be included in the gun statistics?

I don't think there should be gun statistics. Statistics are only there to be massaged into giving the person with the statistics the answer they want to see.

Do you believe that accidental gun deaths should "count" in the total numbers?

See above.

Do you believe that sometimes guns, in careless use or an accident, can shoot a bullet without the owner or holder of the gun pulling the trigger?

No. Modern gun design prevents the discharge of the gun without the trigger being pulled.

Do you believe that 30,000 gun deaths a year is too many?

Compared to what? Compared to the number of traffic fatalities, it's minuscule. Compared to the number of swimming pool fatalities, it's still a small number. Compared to the number of people killed each year by medical malpractice it's tiny. Compared to the number of people beaten to death each year by a pyromaniac midget with an ivory elephant goad, it's a large number.

How will you help to prevent more shootings in this country?

The same thing I've been doing every day since I turned twenty-one. Donate my time to educate and teach.

Do you believe the articles that I have posted about actual shootings or do you think I am making them up or that human interest stories about events that have happened should not count when I blog about gun injuries and deaths?

The plural of "anecdote" is not "data".

There has been some discussion of the role of the ATF here. Do you believe the ATF wants your guns and wants to harass you personally? If so, provide examples ( some have written a few that need to be further examined).

Personally? No. Doesn't mean that they aren't an impersonal pain in my arse, though.

Will you continue a reasonable discussion towards an end that might lead somewhere or is this an exercise in futility?

Since what you consider to be reasonable isn't even in the same plane of reality with what I consider reasonable, probably not.

Allow me to explain.

I hear a lot about "compromise" from your camp ... except, it's not compromise.

Let's say I have this cake. It is a very nice cake, with "GUN RIGHTS" written across the top in lovely floral icing. Along you come and say, "Give me that cake."

I say, "No, it's my cake."

You say, "Let's compromise. Give me half." I respond by asking what I get out of this compromise, and you reply that I get to keep half of my cake.

Okay, we compromise. Let us call this compromise The National Firearms Act of 1934.

There I am with my half of the cake, and you walk back up and say, "Give me that cake."

I say, "No, it's my cake."

You say, "Let's compromise." What do I get out of this compromise? Why, I get to keep half of what's left of the cake I already own.

So, we have your compromise -- let us call this one the Gun Control Act of 1968 -- and I'm left holding what is now just a quarter of my cake.

And I'm sitting in the corner with my quarter piece of cake, and here you come again. You want my cake. Again.

This time you take several bites -- we'll call this compromise the Clinton Executive Orders -- and I'm left with about a tenth of what has always been MY DAMN CAKE and you've got nine-tenths of it.

Then we compromised with the Lautenberg Act (nibble, nibble), the HUD/Smith and Wesson agreement (nibble, nibble), the Brady Law (NOM NOM NOM), the School Safety and Law Enforcement Improvement Act (sweet tap-dancing Freyja, my finger!)

I'm left holding crumbs of what was once a large and satisfying cake, and you're standing there with most of MY CAKE, making anime eyes and whining about being "reasonable", and wondering "why we won't compromise".

I'm done with being reasonable, and I'm done with compromise. Nothing about gun control in this country has ever been "reasonable" nor a genuine "compromise".

LawDog

Saw this one coming ...

2010-09-21T20:56:00.002-05:00

... And so did everyone else with two functional brain cells to rub together.

Big Health Insurance Companies To Stop Selling New 'Child-Only' Policies.

On Thursday, some parts of ObamaCare go into effect, including the section that prohibits insurance companies from denying coverage to any children under the age of 19 regardless of that child's health history.

In response, some of the largest health insurance companies in the United States have announced that -- starting Thursday -- they will stop offering 'child-only' new insurance policies for sprogs.

Well. No [deleted].

Anyone in government surprised by this has obviously not been listening to market professionals with experience who predicted this very thing.

Wonder how many voters are going to remember this Democrat-driven abortion of a Healthcare Bill come November? Lot of them with bairns, I'd bet.

Barack, Nancy and the rest: y'all made this bed -- enjoy your lay in it. Hope it's a short one.

LawDog

Meditations on book burning

2010-09-12T16:16:00.006-05:00

Whole lot of kerfuffle in the Mainstream Media and upon the Internet concerning some folks off to burn some copies of the Qur'an.

I'm not going to get into the military/political/sociological/diplomatic ramifications of this issue -- countless others (more qualified than Your Humble Scribe) have opined at length on this subject -- but I will offer my general Thoughts Upon The Subject.

As usual, I'm of multiple minds concerning this.

On one hand, the idea of burning a book -- any book -- leaves me cold. A book is knowledge made tangible; it is far more than just ink, paper, glue and leather: it is ideas, dreams, hopes, fantasies ... it is all those things that make us human -- those that separate us from animals -- distilled into an object one can touch.

To burn a book is to spurn those ideas, those hopes; to reject those things that do separate us from animals, and to symbolically reject at least a small part of our humanity.

Christian Johann Heinrich Heine, in his 1821 play, Almansor, uttered a stark, uncomfortable truth:

"Das war Vorspiel nur. Dort, wo man Bücher verbrennt, verbrennt man am Ende auch Menschen."

(Loosely) translated thus: "That was merely a prelude. For where they burn books, they will ultimately burn people."

It is a small, small step to go from destroying the ideas of people, to destroying the people who have ideas.

Are there books that inflame the passions, and may influence the small-minded into criminal actions? Hell, yes, but so do many other things: Speech inflames and influences the small of mind far more than any book -- but we do not condone gunning down a man in the street for a hateful speech.

On the other hand, a book is nothing more than ink, paper and glue. Burning one book is not going to remove the knowledge contained there-in from history. Especially a book as widely-printed as the Qur'an. You could -- if you so chose -- burn every Qur'an in the Western Hemisphere, and you would make less than the tiniest dent in the numbers of that book.

To burn a book -- or a pile of them -- is, quite literally, useless for any purpose other than symbolism or to ensure the livelihood of those who will -- inevitably -- print more books to replace those you have incinerated.

As long as the books you are burning are yours to burn, have at it. For all the fire, and all the rhetoric, you will have accomplished ... what? A pile of ashes you now have to dispose of? A symbolic gesture that you can hope someone else actually gives two hoots in hell about?

The publishing companies, however, will thank you -- there is that.

On the gripping hand ...

... I wasn't born in Texas; sometimes I don't sound like I'm from Texas, but I am Texan.

There is a short list of people who can tell me to do any-sodding-thing with my own property, and Abdul the Moderately Rabid isn't on it.

You can ask me to do (or not to do) something with my property, or you can explain why it's necessary to do (or not to do) something with my property, but you gods-damned well don't order me to do it (or not).

And, son, if you threaten me about anything -- and you're within bad-breath distance -- you'd better be on Good Terms with your Dear and Fluffy Lord ... because I'll strike the bloody match on your snaggle teeth if I have to, and I'll gladly slide into Sessrúmnir with you in a choke-hold if that's what it takes to make sure you don't ever pull that sort of crap again.

LawDog

Hot tea through the sinuses hurts!

2010-09-09T16:32:00.002-05:00

Chris briefly details the business applications of mimes.

There is a Level Two Beverage Alert in effect for that post. You have been warned.

Snerk!

LawDog

Heard at Rancho LawDog

2010-09-06T23:45:00.004-05:00

Upon receiving a call that one of Tole's offspring has a loose fang what needs pulling.

Herself: "Do I have any Tooth Ferret money?"

Me: (Blinking) "Tooth Ferret?"

Herself: "Like the Tooth Fairy, only pays better. Probably meaner, too."

Snerk. Am I lucky, or what?

LawDog

Shut your piehole and dance, monkey!

2010-08-26T17:05:00.003-05:00

An articulate young lady I met at Christina LMT's last blog-party hits one out of the park.

Oh, very well said!

LawDog

Requiscat in Pacem

2010-08-19T08:46:00.002-05:00

June of 1944, the British 1st Special Service Brigade storms Sword Beach in Normandy.

As they fight ashore, in their midst a man wearing the Cameron kilt his father wore in World War 1 calmly marches back and forth along the sand playing the bagpipes.

Armed with nothing more than a skean dubh in his stocking, William "Piper Bill" Millin not only survived the landing, but piped his laddies inland and survived the war without injury.

I don't think I can add anything to that.

Rest in Peace, Mad Piper Millin.

LawDog

Huh

2010-08-16T08:40:00.004-05:00

Last few days the blog kept only partially opening. Being hip-deep in problems at work ('n rising fast!) I really didn't have the time available to sit down and suss things out.

This morning I find that the opening process is stuck at The Truth Laid Bear widget.

Quick Google search seems to show that The Truth Laid Bear has done gone Paws Up. We have removed the TTLB HTML, and things are back to normal.

LawDog

Voila!

2010-08-01T18:16:00.006-05:00

Long term readers of The LawDog Files are familiar with my brother, "Chris" as the dead-pan foil in a lot of my stories.

At the infrequent blog-parties Herself takes me to, folks familiar with my stories often ask me why Chris doesn't blog, and I reply that as introverted and anti-social as I am, Chris makes me look like a Beverly Hills socialite.

Well, no more!

Ladies, gentlemen and Gentle Readers, may I present:

Chris Ex Machina

Welcome to Blogworld, brother!

LawDog

Do let me get this straight

2010-07-30T15:41:00.003-05:00

From Gentle Reader D. Fisher in the comments to the "WikiLeaks" post:

"Ethically, I don't think either Wikileaks nor the leaker is in the wrong, and that's coming from someone who's ex-military."

Do allow me understand you. WikiLeaks has released -- for all to read -- the names of Afghanistan citizens who have helped American and NATO forces in Afghanistan. Afghani citizens who have provided the names of Taleban leaders to American so that we may remove these Taleban.

WikiLeaks has released -- upon the World Wide Web -- the names of Afghani citizens who have identified Taleban who were hiding from Americans; who have provided invaluable intel on the activities of the Taleban; who have, in point of fact, aided NATO and the Americans in hurting the Taleban.

These informants -- whose names we held in secrecy to protect their lives, the lives of their families and the lives of their friends -- WikiLeaks has posted these names on the Internet for the Taleban to read at their leisure. And then to do ... whatever the Taleban feels to be appropriate.

And you don't find anything ethically wrong with WikiLeaks doing this.

Is that about right?

Correct me if I'm wrong, do.

LawDog

WikiLeaks.

2010-07-29T18:58:00.006-05:00

By now anyone not living under a rock has heard that the Internet whistle-blower site called WikiLeaks was provided several tens of thousands of pages of US military documents relating to Afghanistan which it promptly published for all to read on the World Wide Web.

The little dacoit who runs WikiLeaks -- one Julian Assange -- piously asserted that all the documents had been checked to make sure that names were not named that would put people in mortal jeopardy.

Yeah, well, not so much.

A dozen -- or more -- people who tried to do the right thing now have their lives, and the lives of their families, placed in jeopardy by Mr. Assange for ... what?

Mr. Assange's ego? His self-aggrandizement?

On the altar of what god, what idea, has Julian Assange seen fit to sacrifice the lives of these people, the lives of their families and those of their friends?

What religion does Mr. Assange follow that demands the blood of the innocent and the righteous to be spilled in such a cowardly fashion?

I truly can not wrap my mind around the end-justifies-the-means mindset of such a creature.

Anyhoo.

As Mr. Assange is an Australian national, and seeing as how Australia's children have their own boots on the ground in Afghanistan, I'll leave the Aussies to deal with their own garbage.

However, I would like to take a moment to point out that Mr. Assange couldn't have done this without the willing co-operation of an American with access to the information leaked.

That American, when he is found -- and he will be found -- will be tried.

If, and when, convicted, that American should be immediately dragged out of the courtroom, placed against a wall and shot.

Period. Full stop. End of story.

LawDog

And the problem is ... what, exactly?

2010-07-28T17:34:00.004-05:00

In news from Afghanistan, seems that the Brits identified a high-value target -- in this case a Taleban warlord.

Local British Command rounded up a Gurkha patrol, gave them the intel and mentioned that they really needed positive ID once the Gurks caught up with him.

Well, catch up they did, with the result that said warlord became intimately acquainted with the Gurkhas "Air In, Blood Out" diplomatic skills.

Things got a little too warmish for the Gurkhas to retrieve the body -- positive ID and all that -- so when the patrol returned to base and the CO asked if they were sure they got the bastard ...

... A Gurkha pulled the warlord's head out of a backpack.

*shrug*

The end of the tale should read: "The Gurkha patrol was issued one case of gin, and three days leave."

Unfortunately, we have discovered that the British Army has deemed this as being "culturally insensitive" and is in the process of disciplining the Gurkha who did the whacking and the carrying.

You have ...

Of all the ...

Are you sodding ...

Words can not ...

IT'S WAR, YOU SODDING NUMPTIES, NOT A DAMNED GAME OF CONKERS!

"... it offends the Muslim tradition of burying the dead with all body parts, attached or unattached".

Bushwa. How many body parts do you think they recover after a suicide bombing?

And I can sure tell that they're all sensitive about traumatic head removal, seeing as how they pretty much lead the world in beheadings, televised and otherwise.

Tell you jackanapes what: you stop cutting the heads off of police officers, engineers, headmasters, nuns, soldiers, journalists, Christians, women, geologists, and anyone else who trips your "We're Offended" trigger, and we'll stop cutting the heads off of your bloody-handed buddies.

Deal?

Seeing as how said body part is still in inventory -- so to speak -- sounds like an amiable solution to this stinker is to grab some good paper, write a nice little note explaining how you're sorry that the grieving kin got stuck with a terrorist dirt-bag as a relative, nail it to the forehead with a sixty-penny nail, and have Wee Jock hammer-throw it over the Hesco for the dearly bereaved to collect come sun-up.

See? That's diplomacy, that is.

While we're being all culturally-sensitive here, part of the Gurkhas culture involves lopping (significant) bits off of designated Bad Guys with bloody huge knives. Isn't it a bit "culturally insensitive" to chastise one who is, after all, just expressing his culture?

The allies are blowing quantities of Taleban into mincemeat with assorted artillery rounds, bombs, mortar shells, bombs, rockets, bombs, missiles, and bombs -- you damned well can't tell me that all the sticky bits are getting recovered after Abdul the Moderately Rabid catches a 500-pound GBU amidships -- so why are you getting all wrapped around the axle because one or more Gurkhas did the needful with a knife instead of high-explosive?

There is not one single, gods-be-damned thing "culturally sensitive" about war. It's war. It's killing the other guy, and breaking his stuff, in job lots, until his side gives up.

Period. Full stop.

The Afghanis know this. Britain used to know this, and they'd better jolly well remember it.

LawDog

Squirrel, interrupted*

2010-07-26T22:30:00.002-05:00

I don't mind squirrels.

Truth be told, I find the cheeky little beggars to be quite charming -- most of the time. With two huge pecan trees in the back yard, I've been known to waste an afternoon or two sipping tea and watching them wind up Herself's Jack Russell Terrier into an absolutely incandescent (albeit adorable) froth.

Howsomenever, attic access is verboten to arboreal rodents.

I've no particular desire to discover -- at zero-dark-thirty -- that in the course of wearing down his incisors upon handy bits of copper, Johnny Flufftail has burned down my sodding house.

So there is an official slam order on any, and all, attic trespassing skwirls.

Unfortunately, it seems the residents of my current municipal area have a bit a complex when it comes to random gun-fire; and while I kind of figured that a .22 maggie was out of the question, I had no idea that a single, solitary .22 Long Rifle report would get that many knickers into knots.

Odd, that.

Any-the-hoo, I was dinking about with the idea of purchasing a dedicated Arboreal Rodent Assassination Air Rifle, when it dawned on me that we had a couple of boxes of Aguila Super Colibri left over from Blogorado.

What, ho, I thought to myself, and hied over to the ammo closet to grab a couple of rounds and Herself's Browning lever-action. Experimentation soon showed that not only would a Super Colibri go through both sides of an empty bean can at fifteen feet -- it would do so with not much more noise than snapping fingers; and the holes always appeared right on top of the front sight.

Huzzah!

Soon enough Miss Praline worked herself into a right tizzy just outside the back door, and when I went to have a shufti, I discovered a fat tree rat sticking it's head out of a vent in the attic and cussing that little terrier for all it was worth.

Matter-of-fact, it was so busy describing Praline's parentage, sexual proclivities, and general lack of moral fibre that it didn't notice the kitchen window stealthily sliding open, nor the muzzle of the Browning rim-fire just inside of said window.

I am happy to report that a 20-grain Super Colibri into the Brain Housing Group from a range of about eight feet will turn off a squirrel like a light switch.

For Close Combat Squirrel Eradication the Aguila Super Colibri gets the LawDog Paw of Approval.

LawDog

*Shamelessly stolen from a conversation with Herself.

I'm schizophrenic; and so am I*.

2010-07-18T19:06:00.003-05:00

*Yes, I realize that schizophrenia isn't MPD. The joke flows better this way.

Spent a bit of time dinking about with a New Internet Toy today:

I Write Like.

Allegedly, if you input several paragraphs of your work, this proggie will analyze it and tell you which Famous Writer your work most resembles.

For a lark I've been submitting some of my little scribbles -- from this blog and elsewhere -- for analysis.

*snerk*

Apparently I write like Cory Doctorow, Dan Brown, HP Lovecraft, Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, David Foster Wallace, so on and so forth.

Sweet Freyja on a twister mat but it must be busy in my head.

Meh. Personally, I think those blokes happen write like me once in a while.

LawDog

Oo-RAH!

2010-07-14T16:41:00.004-05:00

Last October I wrote a wee piece about The Warrior Song, a soul-stirring and magnificent bit of music about -- and for -- our guys and gals out on the pointy end of the spear by Mr. Sean Householder and some friends.

All purchases of the music, and goodly percentage of T-shirts and hats, go to the Armed Forces Relief Trust.

Today we have been informed that Mr. Householder has done a version of The Warrior Song for the United States Marine Corps.

Oh, hell, yes.

LawDog

Arrgghh!

2010-07-11T10:21:00.002-05:00

Look! We're back!

As mentioned earlier, the Magic Elf Box here at Rancho LawDog had a brief dalliance with a bit of code named "the Antivirus 2010 virus" obviously written by a socially-deficient, sexually-repressed, basement-dwelling, vertebrae-lacking, yellow-bellied, gonad-deprived, rubber-nappy-wearing little script monkey for fun and profit.

Not only did it sleaze right past the Windoze firewall, but running Malwarebytes Anti-Malware not once, but five times (twice in Safe Mode) didn't even touch it.

Finally jerked the cables on the tower and drove it down to Best Buy to turn it over to the tender mercies of the Geek Squad.

Got a call from the resident Alpha Geek cheerily informing me that, "We ran two tests, and they both say you've got a bad hard-drive."

*blink, blink*

The hard-drive was working fine when that sodding virus kept opening Explorer and visiting such lovely sites as [deleted].com, [deleted].biz, and [OhGawdMyEyesDELETEDDELETEDDELETED].info. Anti-Malware did a complete scan five -- count-'em FIVE times -- and didn't seem to have a problem accessing the hard-drive.

Of course, it didn't find the bloody virus, either, but that's beside the point.

Not to mention that Herself and I have a great deal of data (read: stories) stored upon said hard-drive.

No go, sayeth The Geek.

*sigh*

So the old hard-drive is sitting in a cardboard box on the desk next to the Magic Elf Box as I type this.

*snarl*

LawDog

Bugger.

2010-07-03T15:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I'd like to get the code monkey who wrote the antivirus 2010 virus someplace where I could get my paws on a blowtorch and two hours headstart on the local gardai. Hopefully back up tomorrow.

LawDog

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Never trust the action figures

2010-06-29T22:24:00.002-05:00

There I am, staggering through the briefing room in search of a coffee pot when my Sergeant lays a fatherly arm across my shoulders.

"'Dog," sayeth that worthy, "I just received a grievance from TDC."

I blink at him, muzzily.

"Seems like one of our prison-bound inmates has complained that the deputy who transported him to durance vile provided him with an actual child's Happy Meal from McDonalds for lunch on said trip."

I can smell coffee. It's here. Somewhere.

"According to the inmate, when he protested, this deputy confiscated the toy from said Happy Meal, hooked it into the partition between the seats, and ... I am quoting here ... 'Made it talk smack', unquote, to the inmate for the rest of the trip."

Coffee. Coffeecoffeecoffee.

"In a high, squeaky voice."

Where are you, little caffeine jolt of life?

"The worst of it all -- according to the inmate -- was the toy staring at him for the next six hours. You wouldn't happen to know if any of our officers might be inclined to do something like this, would you?"

Oh, holy days -- the warrants crew brought coffee! May flights of angels sing thee to thy rest! Coffeecoffeecoffee!

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

"Huh?" I respond, wittily, as the Blessed Java Bean of Wakefulness starts firing up the old synapses.

"Nothing, 'Dog. Check with Range about firearm re-qual next week."

Hmpf.

LawDog

Professor LawDog's School of Survival and Mayhem

2010-06-27T20:12:00.002-05:00

Good day, class. Today's block of instruction is over the humble zip-tie.

Anecdotal evidence suggests that zip-ties are replacing duct tape as the restraint of choice for those critters who choose kidnapping as their vocation of choice.

Further evidence shows that not only does kidnapping befall several thousand citizens per year in America alone, that number is growing.

With that in mind, it behooves a prepared citizen to have a working idea on the ways of by-passing a zip-tie in order to escape -- or to enable you go Dr Seuss* on your Personal Chew Toy.

The folks over at Imminent Threat Solutions have gone to the effort to put together a nice little course entitled "How To Escape From Zip Ties".

Before we get to the guest lecture, we here at The LawDog Files would like to pre-emptively answer complaints that have been forwarded to us by fellow Peace Officer types:

One. The chance of a critter reading my blog and learning how to defeat zip-ties is slim at best, and is more than off-set by the chance of that same critter is going to learn how to defeat zip-ties during his next extended stay at The Greybar Hotel. Remember: what one inmate knows, he'll teach other inmates for a box of honey-buns or a pack of smokes.

Two. Even if -- by some slim chance -- a critter does stumble across my blog and learn how to defeat zip-ties ... so what? We -- as officers -- are too damned comfortable with zip-ties as it is. Just because your suspects are zip-tied doesn't mean you can relax -- but that's what happens. I see way too many officers standing over a zip-tied critter or three with relaxed body language and an expression that strongly hints that the officer is thinking, "Beige, beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige".

If you read this and worry that your next zip-tied critter may know how to slip those ties -- GOOD! You should be keeping a closer eye on your detained suspects.

Three. Knowledge is good. Remember that several thousand Americans per year are kidnapped. Just because they're not wearing a badge doesn't mean we get to deny them knowledge that may save their butts. Not to mention that one of the several thousand victims next year ... might be you.

You officers down on the US/Mex border, or with family out in Iraq/Afghanistan, might want to think long and hard about that for a bit.

Now. On the the guest lecture:

ITS Tactical "How To Escape From Zip Ties".

LawDog

*"Locks in Socks put Skells in Hells." Alternatively: "One Thunk, Two Thunk, Red Punk, Catatonic Punk."

Wow.

2010-06-27T17:13:00.003-05:00

So, I'm sitting here, furiously typing away at a post on knives, when Herself walks in, all bouncy and happy because she just found her collection of Limited Edition aeroliner barf bags.

*blink, blink*

Isn't she just perfect?

LawDog

Pass this along

2010-06-27T16:57:00.004-05:00

By way of Peter over at Bayou Renaissance Man, we learn of the financial status of the Ernie Pyle museum in Dana, Indiana.

Since I'm off fast food combo meals these days, seems like the least I can do is send the price of a couple of them to that museum.

Y'all might consider letting other folks know about this.

LawDog

On this day ...

2010-06-25T14:25:00.003-05:00

... In 1876, General George Armstrong Custer had an Epic Diplomacy Fail and went out in a blaze of glorious history at the hands of some monumentally cheesed-off Lakota and Cheyenne at the Battle on the Greasy Grass.

Of course, he also managed to take most of his command with him -- no word on how they might have felt about the whole "Noble Matyrdom" thing.

... In 1950, the North Korean People's Army announced that the South Koreans might be considering some kind of cross-border raid some time in the future and decided to go ahead and repel it. Just in case.

When it was pointed out that North Korea's "spontaneous response" involved a well-coordinated pre-dawn push by armour and about 90,000 infantry, supported by artillery and mortar fire, the Norks responded by blowing raspberries and bellowing, "All Your Seoul Are Belong To Us!"

And so a war that lasted for three years gave us a TeeVee show that lasted for eleven years; and a cease-fire that has lasted (more-or-less) for fifty-seven years.

... Aaaand Michael Jackson is still dead.

LawDog

Meditations on damnit.

2010-06-24T19:26:00.004-05:00

I have always been able to rely on my body. Obnoxiously healthy, my carcass has shaken off some fairly dramatic trauma, and powered on through.

A little while ago, our family physician dragged me (kicking and screaming) into a physical and after all the poking and prodding pronounced that I was pre-diabetic.

I was ... outraged.

I did some research on the World Wide Web, and armed with the results, went to get a second opinion from another doctor, well-respected in his field. He agreed with me that my results were on the low side of pre-diabetes. Matter-of-fact, my results could -- maybe, if you squinted --be interpreted as being in the fuzzy area between normal and pre-diabetic.

However, he cautioned, seeing as how both of my grandfathers had diabetes, and at least one of my fathers brothers had the disease, I was (drum-roll, please) "pre-disposed".

I was cautioned to exercise more, lay off the Dr Pepper, and to "stop eating like you're still 18".

A little after the first of 2010 I started noticing ... problems. I was losing words. Trying to write was like sifting through porridge. I knew what I wanted to say, but I couldn't figure out the words that were the structure to the ideas.

Then I started losing words in conversations. In the middle of a sentence, the next word in line would just sort of ... fade away ... leaving me to fumble about for a synonym.

You have no idea how good it is to write the word "synonym".

About three months ago, I was down south on an overnight trip to pick up one of our wandering critters when I lost a jail.

I remember waking up in the motel in McAllen, Texas. I remember leaving the motel to drive to the Hidalgo County Jail, looking at the scenery and remarking, "Damn, that looks a lot like San Antonio."

Baby Officer, who was driving, said, "That's because it is San Antone, 'Dog."

When I turned to look at her to tell her, "Nice try", I noticed that there was someone in the back seat of the cruiser.

Not only do I have absolutely no recollection of the four-hour, two-hundred and twenty mile trip from Edinburg to San Antonio, but -- and this is the terrifying part for someone who memorizes floor-plans out of habit -- I couldn't tell you where the Hidalgo County jail is, what it looks like, where Intake is, who I talked to, or how I received our prisoner.

To this day: nothing.

When we got back to the S.O., I drove down to my Dr, walked in and said, "Something's wrong."

Fifteen minutes later, he waves the infamous Little Sample Cup in my general direction and announces, "Here's your problem. This could be poured over pancakes. Go home. Nothing to eat after 10PM, be at the lab at 8 AM. Wear loose clothing."

Long story short, six months after being diagnosed with pre-diabetes, I'm looking at full-on Diabetes, Type 2 (Non Insulin Dependent).

*sigh*

After three months of a low-carb diet, exercise, and metformin twice daily the general fogginess that somehow snuck up on me has gone away, and I think I'm back up to snuff.

Which is A Good Thing.

LawDog

The Longest Day

2010-06-06T17:19:00.002-05:00

On this day in 1944, 175 000 American, Australian, British, Canadian, Norwegian, Polish and Free French troopies entered the term "D-Day" into the English language, as well as "Omaha Beach", "Utah Beach", "Sword Beach", "Juno Beach", "Gold Beach", and "Pointe du Hoc".

Thank you, gentlemen.

LawDog

Monster Hunter update

2010-06-02T19:10:00.002-05:00

Larry Correia's sequel to Monster Hunter International is apparently being released as an electronic book ahead of the dead tree edition.

Woo-HOO!

LawDog

Hoo-AH!

2010-06-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

Wow.

That right there is a young man with a set of big brass ones.

LawDog

Memorial Day

2010-05-31T13:03:00.003-05:00

“Poor is the Nation that has no heroes, but beggared is the Nation that has and forgets them.”

--Anonymous

Remember.

LawDog

Don't like it? I-35 goes north.

2010-05-25T17:21:00.002-05:00

In an unusual display of common sense, the Texas State Capitol building security has put in an express lane for those Texas citizens with Concealed Handgun Licenses.

Yes, Gentle Readers, if you go through the training, and the background check, and the fingerprinting -- as well as coughing up the dosh -- and you decide to visit your Capitol building in Austin (with your handgun and license in paw) you have an express lane through Security.

If that doesn't warm the fuzzy little cockroaches of your heart, I don't know what will.

Do allow me to choose some select quotes:

"It's perhaps the only public building in the country where pistol-packing average Joes can walk through security undeterred."

"The general public has to get scanned at the entrances. State officials and gun toting citizenry do not."

I have no doubt that various types will most certainly get their knickers into a knot over this perfectly logical step, and for those gentle souls I have but one thing to say to reassure your timid little hearts: I-35 goes north; I-10 and I-40 go east and west. Don't let the door hit you where the good Lord split you.

Nothing but love -- and God Bless Texas!

LawDog

Gigglesnort!

2010-05-13T17:56:00.002-05:00

If you are a pencil-and-paper RPG gamer -- particularly if you play any incarnation of AD&D -- you must see The Gamers: Dorkness Rising from Dead Gentlemen Productions.

The movie is made -- probably in a garage -- from the perspectives of a gaming group, and switches back-and-forth between the players at the tabletop, and their characters in the game.

While by no means high-budget, it is side-splittingly funny, and surprisingly well-done. Hollywood should take notes.

Unfortunately, if you're not a table-top gamer, you probably won't like it nearly as well.

Watch for inside stuff -- Sean K Reynolds and Monte Cook both have cameo roles; Gary Gygax's name is used as a Glyph of Warding, and there are multiple references to various other RPG games.

Undead Turkeys Rule!

LawDog

Bam!

2010-05-07T19:29:00.003-05:00

Gentle Reader Alisa asks:

"Dog, why do you call the spice grinder a "weasel"? I love it, but I can't figure out the connection. Thanks."

That is a direct result of my slight-off-of-centre sense of humour.

In the cartoon series "Futurama", there was a minor character named Elzar -- a four-armed chef from Neptune who was followed about by several "spice weasels".

When Elzar wished to spice up a dish, he would grab one of these weasels, hold it over the dish and squeeze, causing the "spice weasel" to sneeze a cloud of spice onto the meal.

I found this to be intensely funny, and when I discovered the McCormick-Schilling disposable grinders, well, the connection was obvious; in my home the grinders have been "spice weasels" ever since.

Hope that helps,

LawDog

Skillet steaks

2010-05-03T19:07:00.002-05:00

Take:

2 grilling steaks (I use ribeyes)
1 jar sliced button mushrooms, drained
1 Italian Herb spice weasel
chili powder
red wine
butter
garlic powder

Take your steaks, and dose 'em pretty thoroughly on both sides with the spice weasel, then sprinkle a pinch of chili powder on one side, and put the steaks chili side down to contemplate for a while.

Fire up your electric skillet -- set it for about 300 degrees -- and when the light goes out, drop in a generous pat of butter, stir it about and drop your steaks in for three to four minutes. Neither turn, nor disturb, your steaks until the time is up, then flip them over and do the other side for the same amount of time.

Lift out your steaks out, throw in another pat or two of butter and then toss in the mushrooms. Stir until the butter is melted, then pour a glug of red wine into the mushroom-y mess and continue stirring, being sure to loosen the caramelized steak-y bits from the bottom the skillet and mix them into the 'shrooms.

When the mushrooms are just about sauteed to your liking, sprinkle a wee pinch of garlic powder over them, give them a couple more stirs, then ladle them onto the steaks.

Voila! Skillet steaks.

LawDog

Read this. Now.

2010-05-01T11:06:00.003-05:00

Go here. Read this. Now.

Apparently, damned near every digital copy machine made since the early 2000's has an internal hard-drive on board. This hard-drive stores an image of -- according to the video -- at least the last twenty thousand copies made on that machine.

Now this, in and of itself, is worrisome, but what is scary is that most of these machines are leased, and when the lease is up, the copy machine is returned to the company -- hard-drive intact.

In the video embedded in the story at Peter's blog, four machine purchased at random from a supply house turned out to belong to the Buffalo, New York Police Sex Crimes Unit; the Buffalo PD Narcotics Unit; a New York construction company; and last, but certainly not least: a New York health insurance company -- which yielded 300 individual medical records.

These hard-drives and the images contained therein are available to anyone with $300 bucks to buy a used copy machine, a screwdriver, and a free copy of forensic software downloaded from the Internet.

Think about it: every time an employer has scanned a copy of your driver's licence and your Social Security card -- it's stored on that hard-drive.

Every time a secretary has copied your medical file -- it's stored on that hard-drive.

Every memo or report containing your name, every copied cheque, every copied bill, every copied personnel file -- if the people, firm or company doing the copying don't wipe that hard-drive when the lease is up, any Joe Critter with a high-school computer class and some loose dosh can get access to those records.

Bring this to people's attention.

Grateful tip of the Stetson to Peter, over at Bayou Renaissance Man.

LawDog

Trivia for the Day

2010-04-30T23:50:00.003-05:00

One of the common defensive tools used from 1100 AD to about 1600 AD was a small shield (anywhere from six inches in diametre for the smaller varieties, up to about 18 inches across for the biggest ones) held in the left hand and used to deflect, parry and bind your opponents weapon, or weapon arm.

It was probably more common than the larger versions popularized by Hollywood -- particularly amongst the folks more likely to engage in individual scuffles, rather than mass combat.

In fact, this little shield became quite the favourite among young rowdies out for a bit of pub-crawling, brawling, wenching, duelling and generally giving the local gardai an excuse to bust heads.

They would carry this shield -- called a buckler -- suspended by a leather cord from the frog of their side-swords, and as it dragged and rubbed on their clothing during movement it would make a swashing sound.

Voila! Swashbucklers.

This has been your LawDog Files Trivia for the Day.

LawDog

The Peshawar Lancers

2010-04-30T00:01:00.000-05:00

In 1916, Talbot Mundy wrote an adventure novel, called "King of the Khyber Rifles", about the exploits of Captain Athelstan King in British India during the start of the first World War.

This novel was an influence on one of my favourite writers, Robert E. Howard, and Mundy himself influenced such luminaries as Robert Heinlein, Fritz Leiber, Andre Norton, and others.

That book is the source of one of my idiosyncrasies: many times when visiting various places of interest -- museums, National Historic Registry sites, and such -- there is usually a guest book or visitors log which all and sundry are gently noodged into signing. I don't like to sign my actual name, and to avoid giving offence to the ever-so-earnest caretakers of such places, I will sign a pseudonym in lieu of my real name; Athelstan King being a particular favourite of mine -- see above.

Recently County business had me far from my usual haunts and with some time on my hands, so I did as I usually do and visited the local museum.

As usually happens, near the exit, a kindly little old lady guided me towards the Guestbook and eyebrowed me into picking up the pen.

Baby Officer was with me, and when that worthy bent to sign in turn, gave me the Old Hairy Eyeball and remarked, "I didn't know you were an S.M. Stirling fan."

Long story short, I have discovered the novel, "The Peshawar Lancers" by S.M. Stirling.

This is a wonderful book. It is an homage to Talbot Mundy -- the heroes of The Peshawar Lancers are Athelstan King and Yasmini -- yes, but also to H. Rider Haggard, Rudyard Kipling, Jules Verne, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Robert E. Howard and countless others.

There is continuous buckling of swashes, derring-do, steam-punkery, alternate history, Thuggery (capital 'T', please), playing of the Great Game, zeppelins, air pirates (!), horse cavalry charges, and the most awesomely EEEE-vil Bad Guy to come along in a long time -- all set in a turned-widdershins version of Victorian-era India.

Absolutely delicious.

A warning, though: S.M. Stirling has done an absolutely massive amount of research and brain-sweating for this book -- and it's all in there. Every last tittle and jot.

He also uses a great deal of Anglo-Indian slang, but doesn't provide a glossary. Readers unfamiliar with that sort of thing my find themselves a bit lost.

The book also presents benevolent colonialism as A Good Thing -- something I (a product of colonial West Africa) don't have a problem with, but it might get some Gentle Readers a bit cross-threaded.

All-in-all a thoroughly good read.

LawDog