Monday, May 15, 2006

"Instant Check" my sweet Aunt Fanny.

While I have not lived an entirely saintly existence -- to tell the truth, more often than not I've danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight -- I have no felonies on my record, nor do I have any misdemeanors, nor any arrests other than a slew of "going-a-skosh-faster-than-the-posted-limit" tickets. All of which have been paid cheerfully and on time.

I have been a peace officer in good standing (more or less) for the past thirteen years. I've never been targetted for any civil rights violations by the Fan Belt Inspectors and local Infernal Affairs doesn't have any more than the standard employment folder on me.

I served the United States of America for two enlistments, with no Article 15's, or courts martial; and no more than my fair share of counseling statements -- and I have the Honorable Discharge to prove it.

During my enlistments, I achieved and maintained a security clearance, as required by my assigned duties, and had said security clearance vetted fairly frequently.

I have been checked, microscoped, back-grounded, verified and polygraphed right down to my DNA not once, not twice, but several times. The Federal Government, Texas State Government and various county gov'ts have never, ever found anything in my past history, psyche, habits or sub-conscious to ever even hint that I am anything other than a fine, upstanding example of knightly virtue.


Can someone, anyone, tell me Why. The Hell. Can't I Bloody Well. Take Home A Sodding Gun THE SAME GODS-BE-DAMNED DAY I BUY IT??!

Huh? Someone? WHY?

Ever since that stupid excuse for public self-gratification called the "Brady Instant Check" got shoved down our throats by Little Sarah One-Note and her horde of syphilitic suck-ups I have had to wait five sodding days AFTER I lay my money on the counter before I am allowed to pick up my property.

Every Shiva-be-damned time. Every time.

And it's passed the "Irritation" stage, and heading well into "Pissing Me The Hell Off" country.

We were solemnly PROMISED that the Brady Check would inconvenience the Bad Guys.

Well, what in the name of buggering hell ELSE do I need to do to prove I'm a Good Guy? Huh? What? What-sodding-else do I have to do?

And just what in the name of Kali's Ten Teats are the proctologists at the Federal Bureau of Instigation going to find on a Brady Check that they missed during a security clearance investigation? Huh? What?

If a five-day Brady check is more thorough than the investigation required for a Top Secret clearance, then I am jolly well here to tell you that the nuclear weapons program for the United States is well-and-truly buggered into a cocked hat.

Now, having to wait a time or two, I can understand. I don't like it, but I'll tolerate it.





Two-bit, four-flushing, dirt-stupid, mono-synaptic, twinkle-toed, nostril-digging, booger-chewing, gauch-eyed, disease-ridden, vermin-infested, inbred, lily-livered, sheep-shagging, arse-picking, trough-swilling, blood-sucking, butt-kissing, parasitic catamites!

I'd pimp-slap every gun-grabbing legiscritter on Capitol Hill, but I don't want to splatter cow manure over half of Virginia.

Every fecking time I see Schumer, or Kennedy or Feinstein, or any of the rest of them, I am flat awe-struck that somebody, somewhere, not only managed to stack dung that high, but also managed to get it to speak.

I'd name them as their mother's shame, but considering that some random invertebrate probably vomited them forth onto a handy rock like a handful of small, greasy, hairballs from hell, I sincerely doubt that the concept of 'mother' has ever tickled that one paltry neuron weeping all alone in the vast, bitter darkness betwixt their ear flaps.





Anonymous said...

Hey Lawdog, wanted to ask you how you feel about background checks for buying guns?

El Capitan said...

Lawdog, are you reposting vintage rants? I mean, I hate to pee on your parade and all, but the last two handguns (and the last 5 long guns) I've purchased, I've plunked down my money, the dealer calls the Fibbies and gets a clean bill of health, and minutes later I walk out, gun in hand.

Mayhap word hasn't gotten about "real" instant check out there in the sticks?

Anonymous said...

That's odd, all I have to do is flash my CHL and some Dead Presidents/plastic and I leave with it.

Guess that TCLEO card doesn't carry any weight? Bummer. Y'd think it would.


LawDog said...


Walked into my local gun-shop with my tax return eating a hole in my pocket. Saw a nice little NAA Guardian that said, nay, yodeled, "BUG". Filled out the requisite form, handed it to the sales-drone and -- yet again -- was informed that I'd have to wait until "Probably Friday" to pick it up.

Eight different guns from five different dealers located in Amarillo, D/FW and Wichita Falls in the last nine years, and I've had to wait the full period every time.

Vic303 said...

Dog, you gotta get your CHL! Only Walmart will run you thru NICS then. No fuss, no muss.

Nate said...

Hmm, even without a Concealed Carry Permit, (I'm working on it...) here in Utah buying a gun is a 5-10 minute deal. The dealers here get on the phone about as fast as you can sign the form. Before the credit card approval comes though, the background check is cleared.

I can't imagine why a law-abiding, law officer has to wait for 5 days. No sense at all!

Anonymous said...

Read 'Unintended Consequences' by John Ross; that ought to ramp up the cussin' a tad bit more.

Anonymous said...

How can you have served 2 terms in the army with out a single Article 15. If you did not get one, you were not having enough fun.

I thought that most law officers did not have to wait for the 7 day 'instant back ground check' sorta like CPL people in WA state no longer have to wait.

Anonymous said...

"I thought that most law officers did not have to wait for the 7 day 'instant back ground check'"

Sorry but they should have to wait in line for the rectal exam just like the rest of non .gov peons. No special privileges or rights not afforded to the regular citizen. That means they shouldn't be allowed to carry concealed off duty either if the citizens of that state aren't allowed to. In fact, in states and localities where handguns or other weapons are banned they should be required to lock up their weapons at the station before they leave for home.

AlanDP said...

I'm with El Capitan on this. Something isn't right, here.

AlanDP said...

I know you're the LawDog, but I just checked it...

The Brady Bunch complains that Texas does not have a waiting period beyond the instant check. Anyone who makes you wait 5 days is acting independently of the law.

If these are municipal ordinances they are in violation of Texas law, which does not allow municipalities to pass laws that are more restrictive than state law.

If these are "cover-my-ass" store policies, then there might be nothing you can do about it.

Anonymous said...

Having a clearance is great, ain't it? It gets even more fun when you're a frequent flyer. Believe it.
Don't even get me started on ATF and the NICS. I feel the same way you do, only not so reserved and polite.

Ross said...

Gee, Lawdog... here in the People's Republic of MA we only have to do the waiting thing every 6 years when we renew our LTC's (which by law must be either granted or denied within 40 days but which take up to 109 days in some towns (Boston being a prime example)). Once that's done, I just walk into a gun store (if I can find one that our Asshat General hasn't driven out of business with his unConstitutional "child safety" regulations) and plunk down my $$$... and about 30 minutes of paperwork later, walk out with a gun.

Anonymous said...

Geez, Louise, 'Dog! Doncha know that holding back like that will cause your eyeballs to pop and your navel to unravel? Let it out, man, before you 'splode!

garyk/nm (another member of the 10-minute club)

Anonymous said...

May be because you are LEO. This throws up a flag. Have a friend who is a deputy and he has had to wait, a day maybe, to pick up a firearm. I'm out the door in 10-15 minutes.

aughtSix said...

As a resident of Virginia, I thank you for your restraint.

Anonymous said...

HA! Try purchasing any weapon in the Peoples Socialist Republic of Illinois! You'd do a meltdown right on the spot.

Anonymous said...

You know that little blank on the 4473 that awaits your SSN? The number that, while not required, is supposed to make the NICS check quicker and more likely to identify you and only you? If you don't already, leave it blank. Every time I filled it in I got delayed. Since I stopped filling it in every check has gone INSTANTLY.

Rorschach said...

Come on lawDog, tell us how you REALLY feel!

I hear ya bro. I do.

I am about to confess a couple of sins here so feel free to sit in a velvet lined telephone booth to read this.

I haven't bought a weapon since that abortion of a law was passed (most of my arsenal is either inherited or given to me as presents) so I have not had the unmitigated pleasure of dealing with the NICS myself.
To be honest I am a bit apprehensive about doing so, for I too have gone a round or two with 'ol Nick in the moonlight. Like you however I too escaped much notice of the men in blue. The one thing however that WAS committed to paper concerning my exploits as a youngish man was a nolo contendre plea to a "making alchohol available to a minor" charge. a good buddy of mine who had not quite reached the age of 21 to whom I owed money accompnied me to an establishment while I purchased a a bottle of rum to celebrate another friend's passage of his 21st birthday. after the purchase was complete and I walked out to the car, I handed the bottle to said friend for a moment while I dug in my pocket to get the change out to pay him the money I owed him. While I was busy sorting my pocket lint, up pulls an unmarked TABC vehicle and they proceed to write me a ticket for said charge. I did not fight it, I pled nolo contendre and paid the ticket. Would such a minor infraction prevent approval of such a background check in your humble opinion?

Anonymous said...

Anonymous stated that Law Enforcement should follow the same procedures as everyone else, including off-duty concelaled carry. As an officer I do not agree with their logic.

Why should you restrict an officer from carry when in many instances they are more prepared to face a deadly encounter. Citizens everywhere should hope that all officers carry at all timnes. I know I spend a lot of time out of uniform but that does not stop me from observing and being ready to defend OTHERS.

If a state restricts concelaed carry then it leaves the criminals armed and nobody there to protect law abbiding citizens. Although I may not always be in uniform or in my jurisdiction I still am an officer 24 hours a day and that means I am not going to stand by as watch someone else get hurt or killed just because I am not on duty.

Anonymous said...

Gee, Dog, uh why don't you tell us how you REALLY feel????:-)

Anonymous said...

To the poster two above... I am not a law enforcement officer. I hope to be, but I still have a bit to sort out. That said, I agree with the person that said that law enforcement officers should be held to the same carry restrictions as normal citicens. After all, being a cop IS a citizen occupation. There should be no special privlidges. Now... as to the following comment:

"Why should you restrict an officer from carry when in many instances they are more prepared to face a deadly encounter. Citizens everywhere should hope that all officers carry at all timnes. I know I spend a lot of time out of uniform but that does not stop me from observing and being ready to defend OTHERS.

If a state restricts concelaed carry then it leaves the criminals armed and nobody there to protect law abbiding citizens."

I am very sorry, but what an elitest attitude. Really, more trained? You can say that of all officers? I tend to go to the range every other weekend and burn through several hundred rounds of ammo. I have even been told by Cops that I shoot more than a lot of them that they know. Now ther is other training, yes, but right now we were addressing the carrying of weapons.

Now, many citizens, who don't always become a cop afterward, are ex-military. Of those that do shoot regularly and carry, you are going to say that YOU are more prepared? Even if you compare yourself against the recent batch of recruits that are coming back from Iraq handling situations that few Cops (thank God) have ever had to?

Again, how absolutely elitist of you.

That said, it is that last part that REALLY burns me. Since your whole point was that Officers should not be held to the same standards, as you stated above, I find it shocking that you state that if you were kept from concealed carrying like other citizens then who would be left to defend others.

I agree, only partially. Yes, you should be able to, but the whole point of saying that Officers should be held to the same standards is saying that we should ALL be able to. I know that if I am concealed carrying that I am absolutely prepared to defend another, even at risk of death, because that is what a good CITIZEN does. Has nothing to do with being a cop or now. Yes, that is the job of someone who is a cop, but that is also the duty of any moral and right-thinking citizen. As has often been said "all that is required for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing."

This is part of why I want to be a Cop, so that I can do this for a living and not waste time doing what it is that I do now for a living, I just find it shocking that you would seem to have the attitude that only Cops are like this.

But no, if we stopped infringing on the right of the citizens to keep and bear arms at large, then you may find that you have a lot more help when you REALLY need it, such as when you are all alone at night and find that you just approached the wrong scrote, that passer-by may just be able to come to your aid.

Anonymous said...

Just to illustrate my point, don't forget that there are more people like Stephens out there:

According to police, Perry Stephens walked out of an auto parts store and grabbed his .45-caliber handgun after hearing a man yell for help. The citizen in distress was an off-duty police officer working as an escort for a funeral procession. The officer had pulled a man over for illegally entering the line of mourners, and the man became irate over the traffic ticket he was issued, knocking the officer to the ground and throwing punches at his face. As the officer cried for help a second time, Stephens ordered the man to get off the policeman. When he did not comply, Stephens shot the man four times in the chest and again ordered him to get off the officer, who had also shot the man once. Incredibly, the man continued his assault, so Stephens shot him in the head, killing him. (The Advocate, Baton Rouge, La., 02/21/06)

Anonymous said...

same thing used to happen to me and my dad. We both had Q Level clearances for the .gov. Seems that sort of clearance puts an asterik by your name whenever someone runs a background check.


Porta's Cat said...

You are a cop.

You have an F.B.I # as a result.

Your name (whatever it is) may be common to someone ELSE with an F.B.I # who is a felon.

So....N.I.C.S. says:

"We gonna wait to see and make sure who this cat is."

As an FFL who seels to cops on occasion, it is not that uncommon. The "check" IS instant. It doesn't mean that the identification is.

As a cop, you ought understand that!

a CHL would solve these problems, as noted. It will also protect you as a cop traveling out of state with your firearm should you get involved in a non-LEO related incident with your gun.

Anonymous said...

So, did you finally get yourself the little slice of heaven that is John Moses Browning's finest design? A 1911?

Anonymous said...

Dagamore: "I thought that most law officers did not have to wait for the 7 day 'instant back ground check' sorta like CPL people in WA state no longer have to wait."

A CPL in WA does not get you out of the NICS; it only takes care of the state handgun background check. The background check for purchase of a handgun is the same as what state law requires for the CPL except you don't have to give them finger prints and $55 bucks; i.e., if you can buy a handgun (from a dealer) in WA then you get a CPL.

The state is just saving themselves the expense of doing a check that you have already passed.

Anonymous said...

Thought on the delay matter:

I have noted that if I attempt to purchase a firearm anytime after about 1500 EASTERN time (I'm in Pacific}, I get a "delay".

If I make the purchase before about 1400 eastern, "approved".

I'm told that in many places (mostly in the east) where local laws prohibit same-day anyway, the dealers save up their transactions until around closing time and submit them all at once at the end of the day. Thus, the NICS system gets overloaded at the end of the day, and starts handing out "delay" instead of "approve".

I have no authority to the above reports, but it fits my experience.

--Webfoot Logger