Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Don't get excited

I'd like to propose a thought exercise.

Given the articles and material found on this blog, if -- if, I say -- some of it was collected into book form, which articles would you most like to see in this hypothetical book?

"All of them" would not be a helpful answer.

I'm not promising anything -- and I reserve the right to run screaming like a striped-arse ape into a convenient hole and pull it in behind me -- but I promised someone that I'd give the whole "book thing" an honest evaluation.

So, what would my Gentle Readers like to see in Dead Tree Format?



Anonymous said...

Lawdog, I would most like to see a collection of your small town Texas law man stories placed into the noble art form that is book.

Anonymous said...

At least two books. One would be about your misspent younger days in Africa and elsewhere. The second would be your law enforcement stories -- including the entire pink gorilla suit story.

Anonymous said...

I'd enjoy a combination of cop stories followed by survival tips, one after the other, leapfrog style.

Anonymous said...

snake vs mongoose.

You vs Drunken Armadillo.

2 classics.

Anonymous said...

Any job related stories. But I guess I'm just voicing what everyone else is asking for.

Oh, and pink gorilla suit?

Sevesteen said...

First choice would be stories of growing up in Africa, with your law enforcement a close second.

Eric said...

I agree with shane - two volumes, but I would like to read the Bugscuffle lawman stories first.

Big Bad Wolf said...

The story you told of tracking down the old man who wandered away from the nursing home was quite possibly one of the most moving things I've read.

Blackeagle said...

Like a some of the other commentators, my favorites are your stories of growing up in Africa, followed by the small town law enforcement ones. I realize this may come perilously close to "all of them", but I can't help it. They're all so good.

Anonymous said...

If you do make this into a book, This, "Don't Get Excited," post should at least be the forward.

Anonymous said...

May I suggest:


as one person who has done just what you're considering? Oddly enough, he also currently lives in Texas.

Anonymous said...

I reocmmend intersperssing the long stories with the short anecdotes.

dlc444 said...

Most defiantly the ones about the lady with the ghosts. Those had me on the floor, and with damp eyes.

Many of your commentaries on how your day has gone.

The "three part" articles (may have to pay a royalty to your friends, but well worth it).

I will not say "all of them," but I will say most of the ones that are not based on an event that no one will remember in six months.

phlegmfatale said...

In no particular order
LawMom & the Snake Poo (sorry, LM, that's how I think of that story - my brain cuts to the chase)
Nigerian Space Administration
Animatronic Santa

Bernard Brandt said...

As with a good number of other commentors, I would recommend that you start with a book about your anecdotes on law enforcement.

Then go on to one about your misspent yout' in Africa.

Your opinions on sundry matters would be a good topic for a third volume.

And then you might want to consider publishing your writings in fantasy and sword-and-sorcery.

And, by the bye, I'd be willing to pay good cash money to read any/all of the above.

Just a thought.

Anonymous said...

'Dog, I vote for your endlessly entertaining lawman stories along with your tales of growing up in Africa. Many rich characters to draw from with the latter.

Tim Covington said...

I think the more humorous the better. Though, you might want to do a book of law enforcement stories first. Then a collection of the rest.

rwc said...

I recommend the true stories of a humorous bent as most likely to attract the nod from a publisher.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, what they said... ;)

Anonymous said...

Youthful mad scientist
LEO stories
Survival Tips - tied in and intermixed, somehow, with the other stories?

Red said...

I totally agree with Shane and pretty much everyone else. More Africa stories would be great and the law enforcement ones are always incredibly entertaining/moving/hilarious. Both sets of stories would make great books.

So...can I preorder them now?

Anonymous said...

Absolutely must have the Ratel, Catapult and Rat Killer stories.

I agree with the others that two books make sense.

Your Bugscuffle stories are mostly humorous, but some are thought provoking.

Oh, and include the Dispatchers aren't paid enough and Big Mama stories.

It is the characters not just the situations that you put in front of me and my family (I read your stuff out loud to wife and son), which are so wonderful. Brigadier Whatshisname, the drunk engineers, the shmuck whose wife told him to beat you up (over the phone?..) because you wouldn't threaten the little miss with jail...

Great characters one and all.

For other readers, I cannot recommend strongly enough that you read these stories out loud. They read well and are even funnier when given voice.

Now there's an idea, an audiobook!!!

Anonymous said...

The Africa stories, and the rest of the pink gorilla story

Anonymous said...

The Lawdog Files from TFL and your more recent material! Show Garrison What's-his-name what small-town stories SHOULD be like!

Stories with lines like, "Don't make me hurt you, Bubba!" and "Work smarter, not harder."

Jason said...

Two or three books, or two or three sections of a single book:

1. The LawDog Files - those being the funny cop stories that made you famous in the forum world even before this blog. (this means you do have to finish the Pink Gorilla story)

2. Stories about your youth in Africa - these are funny too, and I'm sure there are more of them than what you've posted here so far.

3. Your thoughts, opinions, advice, and observations regarding self defense, and perhaps politics as well.

Anonymous said...

The mongoose story (which caused me to snicker out loud and spew Dr. Pepper at work and when it was read to the co-workers caused endless amusement).

The old man going "home" - tears and smiles at the same time.

On the Africa days, it might be fun to get your mom to write up some of the stories (or others) from HER PoV - she's very talented with the pen herself from her comments.

Anonymous said...

PS - where are the S&S stories???? I don't think I've run across any of those yet.

Ambulance Driver said...

You'll find a niche with the law enforcement stories.

The Africa stories are a book unto themselves.

Xander said...

When writing a book, the tricky bit is not what to write about, it is how to organize the material.

With that thought in mind, I propose that each chapter in your book should consist of three short essays. The first, one of your hilarious anecdotes about your childhood. The second, one of your hilarious (or poignant) anecdotes about the daily trials of a peace officers. The third, one of your immensely valuable life lessons, such as the post on our duty to self-defense, or the one about "getting your hands up." Simply repeat the formula for as many chapters as you can find material for.


P.S. You should start each chapter with a recipe.

Anonymous said...

Chit Chat.
Ghoulies and ghosties and tac teams that go bump in the night.
It ain't the lizard in the fight, it's the fight in the lizard.

just to name a few.

Gay_Cynic said...

I'd propose two volumes...umm...after reading Shane's suggestion....THREE volumes, at least.

Volume I. LawDog Tales
Your LE tales, including the end of the Pink Gorilla story.

Volume II. LawDog Ponderings
I *like* your philosophizing. I enjoy your occasional words of wisdom. I happen to think a whole bookload of it would make worthwhile reading.

Volume III. The Mis-Spent Youth

I'm pretty ok with combining I & II as Brian suggests, but I think that the "Big Momma & Co" tales are a "must-include".

Anonymous said...

Let's see - the ratel and the pit trap. Bennie and the emus. The rest of the pink gorilla suit story. The Nigerian Space Effort (with, perhaps, commentary from the Noble Volunteers?) Ali Cheap-Cheap And The Beef (aka the Squeaks story).

The list is quite long. I would purchase the collection in dead-tree format but I'd purchase it faster if you offered it in e-book format for my Kindle.

dave said...

Somewhere, someone once posted "when I grow up, I wanna be LawDog as a kid."

I want the how-to guide.

Anonymous said...

the stories from your childhood are a must, of course, especially the ones involving the trebuchet, the honey badger, the black-powder rockets and the hybrid hydrogen/hot air balloon.

And the last installment of the PINK GORILLA STORY DAMMIT!!!!

Anonymous said...

I agree with everything posted above, particularly the pink gorilla. But we are also still missing the end of the mustache story!

BeelzebuDasHell said...

I think that variety is the spice of life. All three categories should be in the book shuffled at random or with a set pattern.

And I would also be on the waiting list.

asd said...

I really like your police stories, of course you need to add more if its a book.

Cybrludite said...

Another vote for "Dateline: Bugscuffle" (including the accsional Africa story), with the "School of Mayhem & Survival" running a close second.

Sean said...

'Dog, I must agree with Shane above. A book recounting the stories from Africa, including the fearless gecko and your animal trap, and a second book of your Bugscuffle Blotter. I'd buy them both, AND I would buy copies for my friends as gifts.

WingNut said...

1st book- (mis-)adventures as a youth in Africa and to now as a small town Texas Lawdog.

2nd book- collection of your recepies and mixed drinks

Anonymous said...

Maybe multiple books, but it's the blend that I enjoy. The initial offering should include childhood stories, peace officer tales, and your very own musings.

And I'll second whoever said that recipes should be included.

Matt G said...

Gay Cynic proposes a neat format. I like Xavier's proposal, but don't know if it would work.

But the editing is not the thing.

Deciding is the thing.

I'm not seeing a lot of negativity here.

Nancy said...

You know, the title "And I wanted an Interesting Job.."

might make it as the book title.

Anonymous said...

Basically what most of everybody else said. A book with your law enforcement stories and your childhood stories in africa. If you can expand on these also I think they would well received.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...perhaps the book could be divided into sections, Such as "Funny Stuff", "Funny Police Stuff", "Funny Texas Stuff", and "Tearjerkers". And I for sure would buy it just to find out the ending on the pink gorilla suit story.

Anonymous said...

Your stories remind me of Skeeter and Bart Skelton's stories. Bart is still writing for Guns & Ammo and, I think, is down in your neck of the woods on border patrol. You might swing this idea by him for some ideas.

Anonymous said...

Lawdog, I truly enjoy your stories of what your job is like. I also do enjoy reading your musings on life in general, but perhaps the momentarily topical ones need not be put in (such as commentary on certain actors/actresses). Your (dare I say it?) philosophical writings on life in general are definitely wanted - if Robert Pirsig can fill up an entire book with his scribblings and have it declared a cult classic, YOU can certainly hit the bestseller's list in no time flat!

(Yes, I'm a biker. Yes, I've read Zen and the Art - three times. No, I still don't understand the attraction - I prefer when he talks about bikes. LD's philosophical writings are MUCH more interesting!)

And yes, I, too, want to read the end of the pink gorilla suit story!!!

Pop said...

Hi, Lawdog;
Seriously - all of them. Some of the politically oriented ones would need to have a word or two explaining the background, since they may be read long after the political context is forgotten.

I once started saving your blog to my hard disk in case you ever took it down for some reason.


Anonymous said...

I am excited.

I believe that one mostly funny book would be best. You probably have written two thirds to three quarters of the stories already.

http://www.jerrypournelle.com has some interesting information by experienced self-publishers if you are interested in that route.

Anonymous said...

I'd vote for the Africa stories, with some commentary by LawMom (since everyone is going to wonder how she survived), and then a second section or second book about life as a peace officer, and philosophical thoughts or survival tips as interludes between chapters.
And put me down for a pre-order, if it gets to that stage.

Anonymous said...

I'd enjoy the Bugscuffle Blotter as well, though I disagree with a previous poster on making a complete section of "tearjerkers." One feels the poignancy more after a belly laugh (or tea-out-the-nose-where's-that-darn-handkerchief laugh in my case.) And I'd buy it in dead-tree format.

Anonymous said...

The Major should definitely be included, and any other stories from Africa.

phlegmfatale said...

Oh, and yes, another vote here for the old man and the ribbon.

Ladybug Crossing said...

Since I just found you, so I probably don't have a say.. but, since you asked - I'd read anything you wrote and published in Dead Tree Form.

princewally said...

The Somdood posts.
The School of Violence and Mayhem posts.
And the tearjerkers about the old folks.

Anonymous said...

Chalk me up as being in favor of the Bugscuffle Blotter stories. They have everything -- pathos, belly laughs, bits of homespun wisdom.

I always delight to find a new one when I stop by.


Anonymous said...

I would love to see a collection of your stories from your special small town lawdog perspective. They make me giggle - and sometimes make me cry, and I've enjoyed all of them. I've also loved your growing up stories. Oh, and the 4th of July with family Lawdog.

Anonymous said...

A modest collection of 'Sumdood' short stories would be most entertaining. I know 'Sumdood' is out there wanting more attention and who better to give him what he wants than "Lawdog".

Anonymous said...

I would DEFINITELY buy a book filled with stories akin to "And I Wanted An Interesting Job..."

I live for those, dood!

Semper Fi,

Anonymous said...

I like the leapfrog idea,

start w/ the trackdown of the wandering patient, which still brings tears to my eyes having tracked a couple of downs children in the past.

and then the misspent youth,

I *MUST* have the whole pink gorilla story will pay US$25 for *signed* deadtree leather bound version.

I knew there had to be other kids w/ seriously misspent youths out there.

the drunken armadillo story has to be in there too.


verb verifications:
tjvunmol wasn't that pulled for heart valve issues?

sigdoc said...

Lawdog,The Santa suit on ice story for sure. Most of your other law enforcement ("critter") stories as well.

Unknown said...

I think that's an excellent idea and I'd like to second the request for a Kindle version, though I'd probably need to get a few dead tree versions for friends and family.

I just found this blog recently, but I'm thoroughly enjoying it and recommending it to friends, which is saying something coming from an east coast bleeding heart liberal. :-) You may even change my mind on some things. I say this mostly to point out that the appeal of your writing is very broad.

In terms of content, I agree that the Africa stories and the Bugscuffle stories are more timeless than than the social and political commentary based on current events and would be better suited to a book. I suspect that a fair number of people after reading the book would then start reading your blog and then get the current commentary.

In terms of a model for structure for the book or books, your writing reminds me a lot of Patrick McManus. Not in style, because you both have your own unique styles, but in how much fun it is to read and the vividness of the pictures you create.

I hope you decide to do this, but if not, thanks for writing. :-)

Anonymous said...

Your stories as a deputy sheriff for Bugscuffle county would have to be my favorites.

I read them to my wife and kids at the dinner table. They love them too.

Crucis said...

Don't forget Electronic forms as well. Many publishers publish in DTF (dead tree format) as well as electronic. Look at Baen for instance.

Baen is mostly SF, but there are other publishers that do the same.

Anonymous said...

The Bug Scuffle Blotter with 'Chicken-Fu' at the front.

Bertha said...

I vote for at least the story about the Major. And the one where you were dressed up as Santa Claus trying to apprehend a critter that went to ground under your car. And, well, pretty much all of 'em.

Anonymous said...

I think you would be pushing too hard to consolidate both the Africa and the lawman stories into one tome, but it could be done. I'm thinking a format of 'life growing up in Africa' book plus a 'modern Texas Lawman' book would be a great 1-2 punch. Obviously a heavy sprinkling of the real life adventures would be the primary draw.

I'd buy it.

BryanP said...

My preference would be for your various law enforcement related anecdotes, humorous and not, interspersed with a few of your observations on self defense, the law, etc..

I would recommend leaving the overtly political stuff out. If you can find room to fit in the growing up in Africa stories that would be good.

Anonymous said...

I like your writing in general, however, that would be a mess to do. So, like has been mentioned, I think you should organize (sorry for the ugly word) your essays into subject matter and perhaps then venture into several collections.

Obviously the lawman series. Primarily the lawman series. (The pink gorilla suit, et al.)

Political commentary divided into - international politics, - national politics, - education issues, other matters of interest.

Then other collections - life in Africa - and so forth. Mr. LawDog, I'm sure there are more than a couple folks who enjoy reading your stuff.

Rorschach said...

I'm not sure a multi-volume series is required, I could see a single book, subdivided into chapters with separate foci for each. Interspersing the Africa and Bugscuffle stories, much like is done here on the blog would not only break things up but allow you to show how both childhood and work molded your outlook on life, the universe, and everything. I would suggest you consider choosing those stories that when strung together tell a larger story of life as a small town sheriff's deputy from your own unique perspective. I would certainly include all of your most popular stories. Your three parters would of course pose issues with your co-authors, but I'm sure something could be worked out. but given their impact, I would certainly include them, as well as your story of the gentleman who knew his time on this mortal coil was nigh and wanted to die at his long demolished home with his long dead wife. I would also include all of your humorous tales of pink gorillas and drunken armadilloes, killer robot santas, and stupid critter tricks. Big Mamma and her clan of mental lightweights would also be required reading because every small town has their "Big Mamma". It just would not be Bugscuffle without her clan. I would also suggest you include oral history of your great uncle and his exploits as a marshall in the 1800's and you might want to consider pointing up the similarities of being a lawman then compared to now. And of course we cannot leave out the story of the one shot drop of the latin king and his ventilated crotch. Just as a cautionary tale you understand....I hereby place my pre-order now. To whom do I send the check?

Anonymous said...

Whatever you decide, the tale of the Thingummy Stolen From The Construction Site MUST make it into the book, if there is one.

FarmGirl said...

Holy Horseshoes, LawDog!

Um, I'm just gonna say huzzah for the prospect of a dead tree edition, and *points to the other comments* what they said.

Ultimately, it's your decision what to use and what to throw out. I'll join the hollering for the ending of the Pink Gorilla Suit story, but in the end, you're just gonna have to go through your own stuff and pick what *you* want to publish.

I will volunteer myself as a proofreader/workshopper, although you don't really need it.

Anonymous said...

Think Pink, young man


Bodacious said...

I particularly like the adventure stories of aprehending critters.

That and your recipies would be good for a book.

Diane said...

Too lazy to ready all the comments, but...

Assuming there isn't really enough material in any one category for a decent sized book, it becomes a matter of organization, more than anything. First second on growing up years - what formed the man. Second section on life as a peace officer. Third, musings on issues. The connection flows from how sections one and two influenced section three.

If this does happen, and the pink gorilla story is not there in its entirety, there will be hell to pay.

Anonymous said...

All your collected anecdotes about civilian interaction with law enforcement leave me rolling in the aisles (I was a LEO, small Southern town for 4 years)! Those HAVE to go in a book, including the touching three-parter written with Ambulance Driver and Nurse.

X_LA_Native said...

"T'ain't chicken. Emu." Makes me giggle every time I think of it...and there's a place just down the FM road with a few emu in the yard.

If it's two volumes, one Bugscuffle SO stories interspersed with tips and survival tricks; and one covering the Africa years, I'm in for both.

Can we be assured we'll get the rest of the Pink Gorilla Suit story?!

Anonymous said...

"The Nigerian Space Effort (with, perhaps, commentary from the Noble Volunteers?) Ali Cheap-Cheap And The Beef (aka the Squeaks story)."

Drunk Armadillo?

I have obviously missed a few. Damn!!

Gimme gimme gimme!!1 Pretty please?!?

Janie B said...

Without reading everyone else's comments first, I say the whole ratel saga. (A friend collected the links for the whole thing, waited until you were done, then emailed us all. LOVED IT!)

The story about chasing the critter while dressed as Old Saint Nick and FINISH THE PINK GORILLA, please, pretty please?

Based upon my friends' reactions, I'd say the rooster and chihuahua from the other day certainly rates inclusion.

Maybe this could be a few books: Tales from Africa, Tales with Animal Stars, Tales of Creative Texas Law Enforcement (remembering the cricket down the woman's back)and Tales of LD Dressed Funny?

Just a suggestion, seeing as how you'd be doing all the work and not me. ;)

Anonymous said...

ALL of the growing up in Africa stories, especially the Ratel Pit.

The COMPLETE pink gorilla suit story.

The Alzheimers story & the woman with ghosts who made the breakfast rolls (all her tales plus that 3 part work with AmbuDriver and the Nurse).

The Santa Clause story.

And anything else you'd care to share with us, your eager fans!


Anonymous said...

Your Boyhood and LE stories.

Anonymous said...

Law stories with lots of critters.

Ky Person

Tetsujin no Oni said...

I know that Baen Publishing has expressed some interest in expanding into other genres than their usual offerings. Maybe Toni Weiskopf could be persuaded to give a specific comment on content she'd like to see in a mss?

Mark said...

I'd like to read a blend. One thing I loved about finding your tales, bit by bit, was how Big Mamma's Funeral (or whatever her name was - 'pologies, but the bit with the "glowing green ball" is just wedged too deep for me to Google right now) interspersed with meeting The Major and his vengeance 'pon the uncultured just played brilliantly for me.

It wasn't like "Dog Today" "Dog Flashback", it was just a narrative of what and who you are, leavened with How You Got Here.

Either way, I hope I can do the remote-pint-buying that is purchasing your book soon, man.

Anonymous said...

Either of your general sorts of stories would be pleasing.

And another one on survival/defense/awareness, please. There's a serious dearth of such texts whose authors have a writing style as engaging as yours.

Anonymous said...

Thank You , shiva, he is considering a book.A short story format, encompassing the early years in africa, thru the LEO career, with handy hints for survival and assorted recipes following , possibly a Law Dog cookbook.Allow me to place an order for two copies now, thanks mark

PresterSean said...

Africa/Childhood/Parent stories, followed by LE stories- and the conclusion to the Pink Gorilla!

Anonymous said...

OH I love this, a chance to give an opinion.

Lawdog, please, a compilation of your OTJ experiences would make for some awsome reading.

Chaptered by topics

Thanks for the oportunity.

Anonymous said...

Lawdog, I've been reading your "scribbles" for the last year and a half and I gotta say, "all of them" sounds about right =D

If that's not feasible, then the pink gorilla story, the santa slayer story, the amorous armadillo, the angry wife clutching her spouse's wedding tackle, the dying Alzheimer's patient... all of these were great stories that made me laugh, with the exception of the last one which almost made me cry. And if you can write a few original stories for all of us, that'd be great too. Have you ever read Tim O' Brien's "The Things They Carried"? That's a great collection of short stories. Not a bad model to organize your stories into, just random, disjointed stories that are all connected in the grand scheme of things.

Overall, I'm liking the prospect of a book Lawdog. Pleeeease bring this to fruition. Thanks.


Hobie said...

Critter stories and family stories. That's either two books or two halves of one book.

Anonymous said...

We had a Big Mama in Africa as well. She was the paramount chief of women in the delta area, and quite a lady. Nigeria is pretty much a matriarchy, but women do not leave their husbands unless they run off to marry another one.
Big Mama did. She left an abusive husband, refused to marry again, raised her daughter, and parlayed a lot of days with the groundnut headpan into quite a fortune.
She was a big woman, black as coal, shrewd, funny, kind, clever,and she could dispense justice with a heavy hand. I have seen her knock a man flat against a wall with a casual swipe of her hand.
Unfortunately, there are many people who don't see the love in mine and Dog's funny African stories. He gets more flak off on of those than the others all put together.
While he mulls over a book or two, though, get him to tell you-if he hasn't already-the story of the Rhodesian Air Force plane delivering cattle to an independent African nation. It's a total hoot.

Anonymous said...

I liked the recent "And I wanted an interesting Job."
I really liked " They so stupid."
"Perspectives" with the old lady and ghost was a tear jerker. That followed with "Ambulance Driver" part 1 &2.
I cried with laughter on the "Rise and fall of the Nigerian Space Program" when I read that to me son. Enjoyed "Them Long Neck Quails"

At least those are my favorites but I haven't followed all your stories.

Anonymous said...

Things like you posted just Friday: "And I wanted an interesting job." A bit of humour works for me.

Brian said...

Work Smarter, not harder

tottergirl said...

I would love to see a collection of your stories. Like the one about Mr. Johnson going home to die or when you ticketed the young man for impropper turn signaling when he flipped you off. So many of your stories have such heart, it would be a smashing book.

Anonymous said...

Small town lawman stories, for sure.

Anonymous said...

What ever you decide to put in your book will be great.Just let me know if and when it gets printed.I want a copy.

Anonymous said...

Anything with ratels, reptiles or rockets.

Amorous armadillos and Taz T-shirts.

Colourful critters - the real entertainers in Life's Rich Pageant.


"Work smarter, not harder."

Anonymous said...

I hope by now your already working on the book(s) and not still reading all of these comments asking, nay, begging you to do so.

Anonymous said...

Great news-sign me up.

Agree with posters who suggest a three-part format: Africa, Bugscuffle, and "thoughts".

I like your "glug of wine" approach to cooking, so the recipe idea as a preface to each chapter would add a neat touch.

Anonymous said...

Coming out of lurker mode to say that IMHO Sumdood deserves at least a chapter. Hubby and I would pay good money for that. :-)

Anonymous said...

I would like to see the one about your fictional rule as el presidente of this great country.
That's still one of my favorites, and a model I may follow if I ever decide to take that road. :-)

Anonymous said...

Things I'd like to see in a Lawdog book:
-the story of the Major's drop into the whiskey glass.
-the bust with the pink gorilla suit.
-both stories with the little old lady whom called you because of the ghosts in the attic (the first story you posted here was great smalltown comedy, and the post you did in three parts with the AD and the moonlighting Dr./RN was both touching & tragic and would be a good balance)
-busting Buster the chihuahua was a recent favorite of mine
-and a selection of your critter stories. You posted one recently of a critter who tried getting fresh with a girl who didn't want to get fresh, and said critter was busted by -IIRC- the girl's relative.

Best of luck with your future book.

Anonymous said...

I find your law enforcement/life-in-a-small-town and life-in-Africa stories to be the most entertaining. I can find social/political notions or recipes on many a site, but your stories are unique and fun to read.

Simeron Steelhammer said...

Well, first off, the "Ghost stories" will be a must LD.

Sinnamon Rolls and Sweet Tea seems a fitting chapter title I think.

And yeah, I misplet it on purpose lol.

I'd also toss in some of the police work you end up doing, Buster just made the list btw.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "It's not the size of the dog in the fight but, the size of the fight in the dog that matters."

And of course the Santa story and the Pink Gorilla story have to be there...hehe

Poor Mr. Claus...you were really hard on him in that warehouse.

Oh, and the Salvation Army Santa story too...

Could do those two as "Santa gets handled" and "Santa's revenge" *wink*

Anonymous said...


I would like to see bad guy stories like the one below and stories from your youth from when you were abroad.I would also be interested in seeing some of your fictional writing, like the combined stories you did with Babs and AD.

The unspoken question though is that even if you created such masterpeice, I probably would not buy it, but instead ask my library to stock it.

Hope this helps,

Anonymous said...


I would like to see bad guy stories like the one below and stories from your youth from when you were abroad.I would also be interested in seeing some of your fictional writing, like the combined stories you did with Babs and AD.

The unspoken question though is that even if you created such masterpeice, I probably would not buy it, but instead ask my library to stock it.

Hope this helps,

none said...

Stories of lawdog on the beat. Maybe interspersed with words of wisdom/indignation

Anonymous said...

Don't forget the Major. I love that little lizard!!!

Anonymous said...


You seem to me to have some of the material for two strong books; one on life as a rural peace officer, and one on growing up in Africa during a certain time. I would gladly buy both. Further, I would buy multiple copies and spread them far and wide.

Of the two, the one I think there is more market for is the one on your childhood. It seems to me (but I'm not a publisher - or even a published author, so what do I know?) that it needs framing material: What was going on at the time, what exactly your father was doing in Africa, how your parents came to be married in the first place (just once over lightly), that sort of thing. Your writings about Africa remind me in several good ways of Gerrald Durrell's book about his childhood in Corfu (My Family and Other Animals, etc.)

Anonymous said...

It needs to include the story of the lizard marjor, the lizard astronauts, the trebuchet, and, of course, the entire Pink Gorilla story.

Oh, and I'll pre-order.

Unknown said...

Oh, poochy one...

I'd like to see chronicles of bugscuffle, and chronicles of the land of beef.


momster said...

I would love to see a collection of stories based on your career like teh chicken story and the old man you found. These were wonderful and I would definitely want to read more of them.

Anonymous said...

I enjoy them all, but the current events perspectives will be dated over time; the Africa and LEO stories are timeless, and really, I believe they belong together - I suspect that your current take on LEO work (and life in general) has a lot to do with your past.

Or, just randomly pick enough postings to fill up a book, and print them in the order chosen - I'll still be in line to get the signed copy!

If it gets to votes for specifc stories... hmmm.., tough one, but the Major and "T'ain't a chicken" have got to be at the top.

How about a forward by LawMom? Or maybe it should be a disclaimer?

Hartone said...

I think you are posing the question wrong. It's for your editor to decide, in collaboration with you, Lawdog.

The pros at the publishing houses know how to do this.

Find a good literary agent first.

Just my two pfennig.


Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

the snake and mongoose story.
Then the hunting accident.
removed the first comment.
thought of a better one.

SecularPaladin said...

You've gotta get some of the duty stories in there- the time you caught the woman trying to pull off her man's equipment and such. I'd really love to see Perspectives on there, though- especially if you can get the other authors involved!

Looking forward to mass deforestation due to altogether unrealistically high sales volume!


Anonymous said...

Must be the law enforcement stories ....sort of "Lawdog for the soul" stuff. Makes me see police officers in a positive light and provides laughter and tears. A definite best seller!

RM1(SS) (ret) said...

The ratel trap, the trebuchet and the rest of the African tales. (Did you ever explain the reference to Whatsisname, the raft and the bet?)

The wildcat in the suitcase, the *complete* gorilla-suit story, the construction-site theft, all of the "ghost" tales, the chihuahua, the Bugs Bunny t-shirt, the old man who went home to die, dispatchers aren't paid enough, &c, &c, &c....

Anonymous said...

c.s.p Schofield
How the Dog's father and I came to be married:
I was sitting with my friend Donna in the student union one boring afternoon when I glanced across the room and saw two boys and a girl sitting in a booth. I had seen the two boys before but didn't know them. The girl was from my dorm and was the campus ah, layabout.
The two boys were taking turns pushing one of the union's solid bakelite coffee cups off the table. They'd push it off, watch it bounce, then pick it up and push it off again, each in turn.
I said to Donna "What in the world are they doing?"
To my horror (I was a shy young thing), she called them over. The girl, not wanting female companionship or competition, left. The boys, Jim and Don, came over.
Well, it seems that that week's movie at the local theatre had been "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" (the Gina Lollabridgda, Anthony Quinn version). As some of you know, some don't, the gypsy method of marriage in that story is for two people to agree to be married. The husband then goes and breaks a pottery water jar on the front stoop. However many pieces the jar breaks into is the length of time the marriage is required, by gypsy law, to last.
This is the long way around to say that said girl had come onto the two boys rather strongly, and they had decided to push the coffee cup off the table, and however many pieces it broke into was how many nights the one who pushed it had to spend with it-ah, her.
(Knowing her, I would have made it hours rather than nights, but we were young)
I decided that with minds like that, perhaps one or the other of those boys might be worthwhile.
The next thing that happened was that one of the boys (Don) had decided to ask me out, and was sitting at a table with his cronies, including Dog's Dad (Jim), trying to get his nerve up.
In the meantime, the guys bet Jim a bottle of Wild Turkey apiece that he wouldn't jump the gun and ask me out before Don did.
Well, prohibition was still going strong in I.T. at that time, so who could resist? Jim came over and asked me out.
Things went downhill from there, and after 6 or 8 years of off and on courtship, which included Jim's stint in Yemen and Aden and a whomping affair with an Ethiopian stewardess and my being engaged to a trumpet-player and also throwing Jim's dozen long-stemmed red roses out the third floor window of my dorm (they landed on the gravelled balcony and were still there when I was graduated three years later; they're probably STILL there-our janitorial service wasn't the best), there was not a lot left to do but get married.

Anonymous said...

The story about "The Major".

The gecko that dared!

Anonymous said...

Hey, lawdog; I think two bookswould do fairly well with us scum-of-the earth types. First is a tome of your lawman stories,humorus and serious. Second, a collection of survival/defensive tips,armed and unarmed scenarios...Wot think?

Vic303 said...

I'll vote for two books also. One of law enforcement stories, the other of Africa.

Anonymous said...

Everything, of course!


Actually, the political/news commentary would probably be better off left out . . . it tends to not age well.

The craziness of a rural lawman's life, and the adventures in Africa, etc, would go well, though.

The only question is if there's enough for two books or not.

And you have to finish the PINK gorilla suit story!

--Webfoot Logger

Anonymous said...


Your book is already written.

Just add water, stir and publish.

I'm looking forward to Law Mom's explanation of it all. Gotta trust Moms.

She can explain how a young and (unpromising?) sprog got this good.

I suspect that fine parenting and an English style education had much to do with it.

Not to mention natural gifts, of course. "Colonials" not supossed to have those.

"Just shoot the durn thing."

Anonymous said...

In addition to the Scots' gift for lyrical speech with which my kids grew up, and a good solid British education with literally thousands of books in our house, Dog and his siblings have inherited a natural ability to put words together.
My grandfather (who was Swiss) wrote poetry, my grandmother could tell a tale that would make you feel like you were there with her. She had only three weeks of school, but the urge for knowledge was such that she taught herself to read from the Bible, which was the only book in her father's house. She eventually wrote very well indeed. My father was a tale-teller extraordinaire, as were the members of his Scots side of the family. I have a MA in English, skidding along on instinct with the technical side of things which I find boring and which make me impatient, and have been both a teacher and a newspaper reporter.
In addition to all that, when my kids were small, I taught them more synonyms and adjectives than you could imagine.
I'm glad Dog is using his to good purpose, and have my fingers crossed for his well-deserved success.
In the meantime, of course, his sister has written a book, and I'm working on one!

45govt said...

LawDog, what part of yes do you not understand?

Valerian said...

My 2c worth: I want pink gorilla, drunken armadillo, smarter not harder, the ice foot chase, the old gentleman's long walk home, the dispatchers, ghost management, small child and chucky the horror doll management, (and I know it was passed from a friend but what about also having the recommendations when dating a judge's daughter), the Africa stories including the gecko, the snake, the ratel and the trebuchet! and the lighter than air lizards, ummm..... gotta have the recipes (i still havent tried felony chicken and I just gotta! same goes for deep fried twinkies ;).

I dont really care what order you serve them up in - open with a recipe .... continue with something that is going to make you laugh, then think, then ponder. If such a hypothetical creature as this book makes it into the world, I know I want a copy.

Anonymous said...

Lawdog, there are three I'd like to see:

1. A collection of your childhood misadventures
2. Your "Dumbest Criminals"/"'Dawg's Adventures in Law" stories
3. "The LawDog Guide to Personal Defense"

and 4. The LawDog Cookbook would be nice...

Anonymous said...

Definitely the story involving chickens and pits.

Anonymous said...

After publishing volumes 1 and 2(Adventures in Africa and Put Your Paws in the Air stories) I would love to have a collection of your rants, um, opinons about politics, military, the loonies of the Westboro variety, and on and on and on.

Your commentaries are a hoot and a holler and always either leave me laughing or causing me to have a second thought.

Anonymous said...

P.S. - and stop teasing. Best I recall, from past proposals, you're basically "Taunting us a second time." If you're not prepared to have cows tossed over castle walls - aimed in your direction - you'll publish soonest. BTW - a recipe book would be waaaaay great!

Hiraethin said...

Oh, wow. Where do I start?

Lawdog's Advice For Those Who Who Wish To Be Prepared When Encountering Critters.

Stories Tall But True: Anecdotes of a Texas Lawdog.
(With preliminary chapter His Early Life.)

That'll do for starters. Let us know where to click to buy.

Unknown said...

I think most of your posts can be used but I would split into sections, maybe chrononlogically. Childhood, then police adventures, and finally just a sections on Guns and your thoughts (my favorite). Something like that, leave out the current events/articles for the most part.

Mike said...

Hey LawDog -

You realize you just answered a WHOLE LOT of prayers with that post, don't you??

Mochamouse said...

1st - Stories of a Small Town Peace Officer
2nd - all of yur "growing up in Africa (or other exotic location) stories. Maybe Lawmom and your brother could co-write this one?
I'm doing my darndest to get all caught up on your archives, and enjoying the reading a *lot*

Bayushi Midori said...

^What she said.