Thursday, March 26, 2009

Oh, ye gods

We are informed here at Rancho LawDog of an upcoming something called "Earth Hour".

According to sources, "Earth Hour" consists of turning your lights off on 28 MAR 2009 from 2030 to 2130 hours Local Time to -- and I quote: "Raise awareness of global climate change".

Sweet shivering Shiva -- do we really need our awareness raised any more about "Global Climate Change"? My paw to Freyja, you can't turn on the TeeVee without getting (metaphorically speaking) slapped across the mouth by someone yapping about "Gloooo-bal Warming!"

The last time it was an advert featuring a series of terminally cute kids doing someones damnedest to inflict crushing guilt -- and a nasty case of diabetes -- upon any susceptible adult vis a vis "Climate Change".

And the sodding National Geographic Channel should just go ahead and change their name to the National Global Warming Channel -- because Goddess have mercy on your poor soul if you venture over to "NatGeo" expecting anything other than the verbal equivalent of a kick to the wedding tackle about your failure to prevent "Gloooo-bal Warming".

Raising any more awareness about Climate Change is about like handing a jar of petrol to some poor bloke running down the street with his hair on fire.

Plus, your "Global Warming" is forecasted to dump a foot or more of snow in the Texas Panhandle this Friday -- have we mentioned that the first day of Spring 2009 has come and gone?

Tell you what. To raise some kind of awareness, on 28 MAR from 8:30 PeeEm to 9:30 PeeEm I will have a bloody great bonfire built in my front yard.

Dead trees! Fire! Carbon dioxide by the ton!

World Wildlife Fund ... you schmucks.


Friday, March 20, 2009

Remember Tunnel 17!

By way of the Atomic Nerds, we have discovered the webcomic Digger.

Anything subtitled: "A Wombat. A Dead God. A Very
Peculiar Epic" is obviously going to be ... well ... epic.

The protagonist is a wombat engineer name of "Digger" -- trust me, it works.

While there is a great deal of humour in the story (snarky and otherwise -- watch for lizards), it is also leavened with some sadness and a great number of complex personalities.

Digger receives the LawDog Paw of Approval.


ps: Boneclaw Mother ROCKS!



Due to some rather embarrassing teleprompter gaffes during his candidacy -- and more recently -- the TelePrompter is rapidly becoming a symbol of both President Obama and his administration.

People (displaying the genetic-level tendency towards snark that is the saving grace of the human race) have -- quite predictably -- taken the idea of "The TelePrompter President" and run with it. Jokes, videos, blooper reels -- YouTube is full of them.

However, the pièce de résistance -- so far -- is the blog.

Yes, Gentle Readers, Barack Obama's TelePrompter has a blog.



Thursday, March 12, 2009

Class II Beverage Alert

Align Center

We have maintained, here at The LawDog Files, that my sense of humour is just a tiny bit ... off.

Case in fact: when I opened the above video from Tole's dad (the video is titled "Montana Pole Dance") the title, together with the video and the soundtrack, caused me to giggle like a schoolgirl for about five minutes.

There is a Class II Beverage Alert in effect. You have been warned.



Wednesday, March 11, 2009


My father had this beautiful map upon one wall of his office in Nigeria. It was one of those hand-drawn, water-coloured things, with the names of stations, villages, rivers, Points Of Interest and sundry other things named in a lovely script.

Truly a marvel of the cartographers art.

On this map the forest surrounding the town in which we lived was labelled "MMBA" in that gorgeous calligraphy.

I, being all of eight years old or so, decided that MMBA was the local name for that particular part of the jungle, and I quite happily told visitors -- oil company brass, visiting researchers, Peace Corp idiots, that sort of thing -- for a couple of years that Warri was located in the heart of the M'mba forest.

Later I was gently informed that "MMBA" was actually an acronym for "Miles and Miles of Bloody Africa".


I bring this up because I am returned from a twelve hour -- one way -- trip to El Paso, Texas to pick up one of our wayward critters.

Goddess knows that I truly love my State -- there is no-where quite like Texas, and I revel in that ...

... but when you drive ten hours, finally cross a time zone, realize that you still have two hours to go ... and understand that no part of this trip involves leaving the State --

Sweet shivering Shiva.

It's good to be back home.


Sunday, March 08, 2009


The above video is by way of several Gentle Readers and InstaPundit.


Thursday, March 05, 2009

Sweet zombie Jeebus, here we go again ...

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized."

-- Amendment IV, Constitution of the United States of America

One of the things I like about Texas is that it is one of the few States left in the Union that does not allow the use of DWI checkpoints.

However, since the Guiding Mandate of Government is to stick their noses as far as possible into every conceivable sodding facet of our lives, this may be changing.

The Texas Legislature is considering House Bill 169 and Senate Bill 298 to allow the use of DWI Checkpoints -- or the more innocuous-sounding "Sobriety Checkpoints" -- in the Great State of Texas.

It's always the same, isn't it? They're going to infringe our rights just a little bit -- and all for our own good. Little itty-bitty law, passed with nobly-strained faces.

Then, once it's passed, next session of Congress, they take that law, and they tack on one itty-bitty extra sentence. Next session, they add a teeny, tiny little paragraph -- and next thing you know, the whole stinking bloody camel is up under the tent.

I guaran-flaming-tee you -- my paw to Odin -- within one decade of the passage of a DWI Checkpoint law, "Sobriety Checkpoints" will be a code-word for "Revenue Generation Checkpoints That Occasionally Nab a Drunk Driver".

And don't sodding tell me any different -- I've been in law enforcement for fifteen years and I damned well know how the system works.

You want to make a dent in the DWI rate in Texas?

You really want to know?

I've got multiple people running around my county with six, seven, eight Driving While Intoxicated arrests and ONE conviction.

The first time you get arrested for DWI, you agree to attend an alcohol awareness class and the DA drops the charge.

The second time, you agree to attend a 30 or 60 day Detox -- and the DA drops the charge.

The third time, the judge defers your sentence for six months, and if you keep your nose clean, the judge dismisses the charge.

Bear in mind that since DWI is a Class 'B' misdemeanor, it is entirely -- and frequently -- possible to do each of these in multiple counties simultaneously.

The fourth time (or fifth, sixth, eleventh) time you get caught, you plea to a lesser charge. This can happen a couple of times consecutively in the same county.

Finally, sometime along in here, you come up in front of the judge enough times, and BAM! -- he gives you your first DWI conviction ... 72 hours (suspended) in jail and six months of probation.

Once that 180 days of probation is done, and you get caught -- again -- Driving While Snot-slinging Drunk -- well, we just jump midway into that cycle all over again. And next time he finally gets convicted, it's a Class 'A' Misdemeanor and you get 96 hours in the County clink (suspended) and twelve months worth of probation.

Repeat, ad infinitum.

This is the problem with the DWI rate in Texas. It's not the catching them -- it's the getting them convicted.

And this bloody "Sobriety Checkpoint" bushwa isn't going to do one single, solitary thing about convicting them.

It will, however, infringe upon every drivers Fourth Amendment rights; and it will -- sooner or later -- result in a nice chunk of change in Government coffers.

Call your Texas State Congress-critters. Raise hell.