Saturday, July 27, 2013

Le Derp-phone c'est mort

Well, the cell-phone that my faithful minions have been gigglingly referring to as the "Derp-phone!" has been Officially Binned.

Alas, it didn't take being used as a Distraction Device as well as its' predecessor -- not well at all, come to think -- and never did succeed in receiving e-mails.

Commensurate with my new duties came -- yet another -- firm "suggestion" by the folks what sign my paycheque as to upgrading my personal communication device.


So, this morning I wandered into my local wireless center where a drone with a Corporate Smile looked up my account on the store computer, frowned and murmured, "That's not funny" and summoned the manager.

Said worthy appeared, looked at the screen, frowned, and started hammering keys until I stated -- apropos of nothing: "Yes, I have thrown my phone at inmates."

Both drones looked at me for a loooong time, and then the manager-type looked at his underling. Underling sayeth, "He wants an upgrade."

Manager thinks long and hard before stating (rather firmly, I thought), "Not an iPhone" and buggering off to the back-room. Probably for a cigarette and a soothing shot of booze.

Long story short, I have turned in the Lobotomy Plus™ for a brand-spanking new Samsung Rugby Pro™.

And spent two hours at home, shutting off the superfluous stuff. Kee riced all my tea, I DO NOT want my location continuously updated to various social network sites, thankyewverramuchly, nor do I need suggestions as to restaurants, motels, clothing stores, Points Of Interest, and anything else I might be traveling within half-a-mile of constantly plinging the screen.

Initial impressions are that this thing is a brick. When the drone told me that it had a "reassuring heft" I'm pretty sure he didn't mean that with a proper wind-up, it it may move from Distraction Device right into Less-Lethal territory.

Supposed to be Mil-Spec. We'll see if it's 'Dog-Spec -- which may be a considerably more stringent standard. The jury is out.