Monday, November 05, 2018

Oh. Wow.

That's going in the gym rotation.


Thursday, October 25, 2018

Honest politicians

"An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought."
~Simon Cameron

I make no secret of my contempt for the Leftist parasites who, having befouled their own little paradise, are flocking to my beloved Texas with the stated aim of "making Texas just like [Insert Leftist Hellhole Here]".

The number of people who show up around here because Los Angeles is too expensive/ too regulated/ too expensive/ too crime-ridden/ too expensive and immediately start trying to make the Lone Star State into a carbon-copy of the place that they just bloody well left because it was too expensive/ too regulated/ too expensive/ too crime-ridden/ too expensive just make my teeth ache.

My blood pressure is through the roof just thinking about it.

"San Francisco is just too expensive, and I just couldn't bear to live there anymore, not with the kids.  Texas is so nice, but we need to pass just a couple of little laws ..."

Bite me, you parasitic, mouth-breathing, patchouli-reeking, socialist, Big.Gov-loving, regulation-worshiping, juvenile bed-wetters. Get the hell out of my State, you snivelling little 'safe-space' pismires with your delusions of adequacy.

Pack your bums with salt, and go piddle up a rope!  SOMEWHERE. ELSE.


Which brings us to the Left's latest Darling Du Jour, Robert Francis "Beto" O'Rourke.

Today someone (who really should have known better) breathlessly exclaimed to me that "At least Beto is an honest politician!"

Setting aside the facts that: a) Anyone who puts "politician" and "honest" in the same sentence with neither sarcasm nor irony should not be allowed to vote; and
2) Nobody who dots their cupcakes over any politician should be allowed within three city blocks of a polling booth, let's look at that statement.

If Robert "Beto" O'Rourke is an "honest politician", then using Mr Cameron's elegant definition above, I damned sure don't want him staying bought ... because he's been bought by California (4.1 million as of noon today), New York (2.7 million, noon today), Massachusetts ($930,000), Illinois ($565K), and Washington State ($558K).

Show of paws here:  Who thinks the University of California (owns $82,116 worth of O'Rourke) will let Texas be Texas? Or has a clue what Texas is?  I'll bet they have some really good ideas, though.

Of the top five metro areas fundraising for O'Rourke, number 5 is Los Angeles/Long Beach at one million, three-hundred and forty-eight thousand, five hundred and sixty dollars.  As of noon today.

As the meme goes:
"The fact that New Yorkers and Californians think that the people of Texas should vote for Robert Francis "Beto" O'Rourke is EXACTLY why Texans should not vote for him."

You're damned right.


Monday, July 02, 2018

LibertyCon AAR

Well, I am back from LibertyCon 31, and am thoroughly knackered.

Herself didn't get to join me -- again.  This year a nasty bout of strep throat put the kibosh to any thoughts of her climbing into a pressurised metal tube for the flight.  Sigh.  I swear to any number of godlings that I will get her to to LibertyCon 32 if it harelips every cannibal in the Congo.

I had -- somewhat (okay, very much) nervously mentioned to the Con staff that I would do a panel, and they proceeded to put me on one named "No [Deleted], There I was, Just Minding My Own Business ..."  "It's war stories. You'll do fine" I was informed.

Gentle Readers, I'm here to tell you that when you plonk down on a dais, and you realise that you're sharing it with David Drake, John Ringo, Michael Williamson, and others whose books you've been reading for decades ... that's the sort of thing that'll launch you, shrieking, straight for the rafters.

Honestly, between 1)  The sheer number of people in the room not only staring at me, but breathing my air; and 2) Mentally chanting "Don't[deleted]thisup, don't[deleted]thisup, don't[deleted]thisup" the memory of the stories I told are pretty much white noise and incipient panic.

At the request of a fan, (Hi, CrankyProf!) I told the Armadillo story (which seemed to go over rather well); and I was planning on telling the Hog story -- both of which I've told a million times, but I practised again just to be sure ...

... and then Ringo told a sidesplitter ...

... and my very-competitive monkey-brain slipped past the censor gibbering in the corner, cut sling-load on the Hog story, and launched (fully unprepared) into the Pink Gorilla Suit story.

When I'm not wearing the Cop Suit, my voice tends to be somewhat soft.  And when I'm jazzed to the gills on over-stimulation, mild panic, and PEOPLE, I tend to run my words together; so when the white noise cleared, I was checking the crowd to see how bad I screwed up the delivery of the story, when I hear Mike Kupari clear his throat, "Not exactly fair, having to follow LawDog."

From the expressions in the crowd, I'm pretty sure that I didn't embarrass myself.

The rest of LibertyCon was a blast. Sipped some really nice booze, swapped stories, met some genuinely nice people, wound up with a gift-wrapped box of 1/4" nuts delivered by a minotaur representative of ACME Industries, and got hugged.

Good convention.  Good people.

We'll be back next year.


Sunday, May 20, 2018

Support starving authors

Friend Peter Grant over at Bayou Renaissance Man has a new book out.

Support starving authors!


Wednesday, May 09, 2018

A rubber stamp is not Due Process

One of the things being discussed around the tables at this years NRAAM are "Extreme Risk Protection Orders" (or "Red Flag Laws", if you want to be less overt about it.)

These are laws which allow for guns to be seized by law enforcement based on what seem to be subjective opinions about whether someone might be dangerous or not. 

Note, do, that the guns are seized without an actual crime being committed -- to say nothing of an actual criminal conviction.

Indiana's Red Flag Law is being touted as the model for the nation (side note:  Indiana?  What the hell, Hoosiers?), based solely upon alleged "due process" protections for gun owners.

These "due process" protections involve a two-step process.  First,  judge has to find that probable cause existed for the initial seizure of the guns, if done so without a warrant.  A warrant would require review for probable cause before being issued.

Second, a hearing must be held within 14 days, where the subject can petition to get his seized guns back.

I put "due process" in quotation marks, because I have two questions that no-one seems to be able to answer.

The first is:  How many initial Red Flag Law warrants are turned down by judges for a lack of Probable Cause?  What percentage of warrant-less seizures of guns are immediately reversed by the reviewing judge upon initial review?

Second:  How many -- or what percentage -- of Red Flag law seizures are overturned at the 14-day hearing?

I suspect that the reason I can't answers to those questions is because the answer to both is under the margin of error.  And that is unacceptable.

Gentle Readers, if Indiana judges are rubber-stamping the seizures of lawfully-held guns no matter how piss-poor the probable cause for those seizures are, then "due process" is NOT being observed.

Indeed, due process by rubber stamp is nothing more than mockery of due process.


Saturday, May 05, 2018


A week or so ago, a news article came across my news feed regarding some of the shareholders for Sturm-Ruger playing silly buggers.

So, when I hit the convention floor, I headed for the Sturm-Ruger booth to ask media-type questions.

Nobody at Ruger would go on record, but I got one of these little jewels:

With the suggestion that I look at the letter at the URL at the bottom of the card.

Didn't really answer my question, though.

When I gently pressed, the Ruger rep assured me that the shareholder kerfuffle was a paper tiger, and nobody was worried about it.

I'm going to take them at their word, but I have to admit that I'm a little concerned by the new tacks the anti-gun folks are taking.

Here's hoping.


Edit:  Bugger!  I forgot to coon-finger the 10mm GP100!  Dammit.


First thoughts

Thoughts from my first wander of the floor:

The average age of the attendees is younger than in the past conventions, and fitter.  While I'm still navigating around wheezing late-middle-aged gentlemen, there are a lot more fit, squared-away folks.

Is the NRA sponsoring a Crossfit club, or something?

Also, there are more un-accompanied women.  At the other NRAAMs I've been to, the majority of the lady attendees are obviously there with the Boyfriend /Husband /Spouse-Like Love Unit.  While most of them still are, there are a lot more moving around the floor by themselves -- including at least two ladies standing in line at booths with strollers in tow.

Speaking of which, I spoke briefly with a young mother at the Glock booth who is mildly annoyed that she had to pay someone to take the finger grooves off her Gen4 Glock 19 just before Glock came out with the Gen5. She was intelligent, articulate, and had more gun sense than most folks I've run into at gun counters.  If she, and others like her, are the future of the NRA ... we're in good hands.

I am happy to see fewer gun-bro t-shirts on my first swing-through.  Chesty "Cold Dead Snek" t-shirts may be satisfying to wear, but might not convey an image to attract more middle-of-the-road folks.

Ah, well.

I'm off to chase down Tiny Purple Demon and give her some books.


NRAAM 2018

Yes, someone at the National Rifle Association actually gave me a press pass!  Mwa-ha-ha!

Initial impressions:  It is crazy here.  Of all the NRA Annual Meetings I've been to, this one is the most hectic upon first walking into the venue.

I suspect it may have something to do with the current political climate, but we'll see.

It also has the most police presence I've seen; although the officers I've spoken to have been the most laid-back and friendly.

I've spoken to one outside media type who seems to be neutral and open-minded -- he's a college kid -- and he actually seems to be seeing the Second Amendment side of things.  Kind of gives me hope.

Off to walk the floor!


Saturday, April 21, 2018

De mortuis nil nisi bonum

Well, my social media feed (yes, I have one. Stop giggling) is blowing up regarding the comments of one Randa Jarrar regarding the death of the former First Lady Barbara Bush.

I've looked at her tweets, and what she says of the dead is absolutely repugnant.

However, I am also reminded that those of us on the Conservative side of the house have been continually telling the children of the Thuggish Left that the First amendment isn't there to protect speech you agree with. Speech everyone agrees with doesn't need protecting.  The First Amendment is there to protect speech you don't like.

Yes, what this professor said about Mrs Bush is hateful, rude, profane, and generally tacky -- to say nothing about displaying a lamentable lack of a grounding in Classical education that is becoming altogether more apparent on University professors these days -- but it is still protected speech.

And Fresno State is still -- as long as they accept government funds -- part of the government, and thus is exactly whom the First Amendment was written to protect people from.  Any true conservative should be appalled at suggesting that government actually police free speech.

Fresno State would completely be violating her First Amendment rights to fire her, or even sanction her in any way.

As far as her overwhelming a suicide hot-line:  tacky, and far from the first time it's happened by way of a campus prank.  The hot-line should present her with a bill for the expenses related to her idiocy, with an offer to go to court should she deign not to cough up the money.

We also hear that alumni and long-time donors to Fresno State are considering withholding funds, or not sending their sprogs to that institution.

Oh, ho, that's a completely different kettle of fish.  Private citizens deciding where to send their money?  Or, in this case, deciding not to donate their dosh to Fresno State for ... well, any reason?  Hell, yes, and good on them.

It's the donor's money, and if Randa Jarrar decides to exercise her First Amendment right to be a complete disrespectful jackass, the donors likewise have a right to not give money to the university that gave her tenure.

And the gods bless each donor who decides not to send money to Fresno State anymore.

For those who think it's wrong to punish the entire University for the actions of one of its professors -- tough.  You can't tell me that Fresno State didn't know exactly what sort of human being they were getting when they granted tenure to Randa Jarrar.

Randa Jarrar, and all the administration and faculty who thought it was a Good Idea to give her tenure, should most certainly be allowed to sit in their offices as the money dries up, and the campus begins to crumble around their ears.

Too Long; Didn't Read version:
You're not allowed to fire her for simply exercising her First Amendment rights to be a two-bit, monosynaptic, mouth-breathing, invertebrate honyock; however, any private person thinking of not donating money to the idiot institution who thought it was a Good Idea to not only hire this purulent pismire, but to give her tenure, that private person is on the side of all that is Good and Decent on this little green dirtball.


Saturday, March 31, 2018

Audio Book II

Looks like African Adventures is out on audio book!



Friday, March 30, 2018

Professor LawDog's School of Mayhem and Survival

Good morning, class.

Today's lesson is about a wee bit of social engineering that should be a part of your glove box in your vehicle, or your bug-out bag.

It is:  the Media Pass.

Easily found by simply inserting the search term "media pass template" into any search engine, a Media Pass (or Press Pass) is an inexpensive, low-bulk item that can -- note the use of the word "can" -- get you out of medium- to large-scale "social unrest situations".

This little darling has been used as far back as the 1970s to smooth the way through more than one coup d'etat.

Your template needs to have the following:

1)  MEDIA and/or PRESS in big block letters;
2)  About a quarter of the surface in a contrasting, eye-buzzing "LOOK AT ME" colour;
3)  Your picture; and
4)  The word "FREELANCE".

We use the "Media" and/or "Press" for obvious reasons; the contrasting colour, less so.

In the situations where we will need this -- demonstrations, random mobs, demonstrations disguised as random mobs, etc., the emotions of the people you will be encountering will be running a skoshy bit on the high-side.  Adrenaline, endorphins, teenage hormones, all will be rampaging about, and will be having various effects upon the visual acuity of the participants.

When the pimply-faced, patchouli-reeking, little antifa hippie has tunnel-vision from the excitement, the bright colour will help to draw his eye to the pass -- where he will be able to actually read the word "Press" or "Media".

Your picture is there to give the pass the appearance of propriety.

No matter how tempting, don't put the name of a big Media Corporation on your Press Pass.  If there are representatives from a big corporation there, you can get snitched out in a hurry; big media corporations can get (civilly) irritated with you pretending to represent "their good name" (har, har, har); and last, but probably most importantly -- some demonstrators in these Current Unpleasant Times consider Big Media Corporations to be part of the [Insert Catchy Noun Here] That They're Fighting Against, thus drawing unwanted attention.  Use "Freelance" instead.

The utilisation is quite simple.

You find yourself staggering out of a watering hole, having enjoyed a fine evening of companionship to the point that you missed the warning signs of an imminent Mass Social Disruption, and you find that not only have the protesters spun themselves up into a Righteous Passion, but the local gardai have put up barriers and blockades to the point that climbing into your pickup and taking the crunchy way out is contra-indicated.

Reach into your glove box, grab your Media Pass, a notebook, and a writing instrument; stare purposefully at the crowd/mob/ demonstration/ riot, and move along the periphery of the crowd/ mob/ demonstration/ riot, pretending to take notes, and waving your Media Pass at anyone who takes notice of you.

As soon as you get to a point where you can duck, disengage, and Beat Feet Away From The Stupid, do so.  If there's a barricade in front of your Newest Favourite Alley, waving your Media Pass at the cops manning said barricade will frequently get you past it.

Now, remember two things:  1)  Don't put your name on your Media Pass.  There's a good chance it will fall off -- or get ripped off -- and now the demonstrators and/or local police have a record of your presence at the riot.  That's a good way to invite a sub poena.

2)  I said to grab a notebook and a writing instrument for a good reason.  Several folks will opine that you should be waving your cell-phone about to properly blend in with freelance media.  Don't do this.  If you lose your cell-phone, there's too much personal data on there for comfort.  Also, taking pictures of folks out for some freelance socialism gets their attention -- which is exactly what we don't want.

Pretend that you are Carl Kolchak.  Scribble furiously, and cut and run at the first opportunity.

Thus endeth today's lesson.


Saturday, March 24, 2018

Oh, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy

If young master David "Nearvivor" Hogg is going to keep up his propaganda public appearances, he might ought to employ the services of a protocol secretary, to prevent little gaffes that lend themselves oh so nicely to memes.

Case in point, his use of a Communist, Socialist, Roman [Insert Colour Here] Power Salute during his speech today.

Rookie mistake there, kid.

Get yourself a PR flack for next time.

Nothing but love,


Thursday, March 22, 2018

Why don't you go ...

... pack your bum with salt and have a nice widdle up a rope?

Kroger has decided to pull gun magazines from its shelves.

This one is personal.

I have friends -- good friends -- who make their living by way of those gun magazines.  Friends who publish them, friends who edit them, friends who sell stories to them, friends who sell pictures to them.

Friends who rely upon the sale of those magazines for a positive cash-flow.

When your little social-virtue-signalling hissy-fit threatens the livelihood of my friends, you can bet your last dollar that I take it personally.

Kroger is done, as far as we here at Rancho LawDog are concerned.

And just in case any of my Gentle Readers are feeling particularly articulate, here is the link allegedly allowing people to voice their concerns.  Since I can't figure out a way to present the back of my hand to the Kroger Board of Directors, I think I'll pass, but y'all have at.

Oh, and here's a link to all the companies that Kroger hides behind.



Saturday, March 10, 2018

Meditations on death

Part of my personal belief system is the certainty that the time of each of our deaths was written when we were born; and can not be changed.

Where you die, whom you die with, those can all be changed to a greater or lesser degree. 

How you die and what you die for ... ah.

This I learned from my father long before Herger the Joyous lectured about death and fear on the silver screen.

Understand that when it is time for you to die, you are going to die.  Whether you believe -- as I do -- that your time was written, or you believe that we are only allotted a certain number of breaths or heartbeats, or you believe that the gods blink, and the lights go out ... you are going to die sometime.

You cannot change this.

You can, however, change how you die, or what you die for.  You can change what your death is for.

When your time to die comes up, and there's some critter standing there with a box-cutter, or a hammer, or an AR-15 -- understand that if it is your time, you are going to die shot in the back, or you are going to die getting trampled by panicked fellow citizens, or you are going to die from a stress-induced heart-attack ... but it is your time, and you are going to die.

It is far better to die screaming your defiance and beating a critter's head in, than to die cowering in a dark closet, with the smell of piddle and vomit filling your nostrils.

This is true for men; it is true for women, for high-school students --

-- and it is doubly true for those who swore an oath to protect their fellow citizens.

If you so fear death that you are unable to change how you meet death -- you need to re-evaluate your life.

And if you are a peace officer, and you aren't prepared to die well ... not only should you re-evaluate your life, but you need to turn in your badge and seek employment doing something else.

When violence comes, and brings your death with it -- die well, for that is the only thing you can change about your death.


Saturday, February 24, 2018


We have learned that not only did the School Resource Office (a trained deputy sheriff) not enter the active shooter scene at the recent Florida shooting, but three or so Broward County Deputies were also waiting behind cars outside.

Words cannot describe how sickened I am about this.

In 1999, the shootings at Columbine High School forced a seminal change in the law enforcement response to active shooter scenes.

Prior to 1999 the standard response was to surround and contain the shooter, while waiting for SWAT to arrive.

This changed after Columbine.  Some agencies state that the first four officers on scene will enter and engage the shooter.  Some will do it with the first two.  Still others have the first responding officer do the entry.

Regardless of the number, the response is always the same -- make entry and Old Yeller the critter ASAP.

Columbine -- the genesis for this policy -- was nineteen years (19) ago.  There is no excuse for any peace officer in the United States to not know that the best way to deal with an active shooter is to get in there, find him, and stop him.  No excuse.  None.

In 2006 -- 12 years ago.  Bloody hell -- I banged off a thought about bright lines in which I opined that every adult should sit down and decide where the line was at which point they would use Deadly Force against another mother's son.

My opinion on this matter goes double -- a hundred-fold -- for those who put on a badge.  Before you get out of the Academy you should have decided where that bright line was.

And I'm here to tell you:  if that bright line isn't on the proper side of "shooting up a school full of kids" then don't you dare pin on that badge.

I'll go so far as to say that there is no dishonour in turning in your badge after the Academy if you realize that you can't walk into an on-going gunfight and shoot the critter pulling the trigger in the face until he changes shape or catches fire -- as long as you do it before the actual bullets start going "bang".

If you come to me -- or your boss -- on a quiet afternoon and say, "I've thought about it, and I don't think I can do the needful to save kids" then all honour to you, and I wish you peace and happiness in another profession.

But if you wait until the bangs and the stinks and the screams are in progress to decide that you just can't do it ... you, sir, are a useless oath-breaking bucket of squid chum, who is parasitising a position, a uniform, and a salary that could be held by someone who can do the needful.

And -- quite frankly -- if you wear a badge, and you hide behind a car while children under your protection are getting killed, you should have the common [deleted] decency to take your sidearm, find a quiet country road somewhere, and Do The Proper Thing.

Nothing but the back of my hand to you -- all of you.


Wednesday, February 21, 2018


We're back from the Life, the Universe, and Everything symposium (for brevity's sake:  LTUE), and I've had a bit of time to digest the experience.

In one word:  wow.

My only previous writing convention has been LibertyCon -- twice -- so my actual con experience is rather limited; together with my screaming introversion had me fairly twitchy about attending.

I needn't have worried.  LTUE is a bigger version of LibertyCon, differing only in that LTUE tends to focus a little more on the nuts-and-bolts of writing, but with the same laid-back, small approach to the thing.

And a group of LibertyCon regulars who saw us come in, and waved us over. That sort of thing will give you the warm fuzzies.

Most of the time there were two -- or more -- panels that I really wanted to attend, but they were being presented in the same time period.  And in the few times that there was a period in which there was only one panel I wanted to see ... it was either standing room only, or the room was too full, and they'd shut the doors.

All-in-all, a good problem to have for a literary convention.

Speaking of panels, one that I particularly wanted to see had Larry Correia and several other authors on it.  As the doors shut, it was rather noticeable that Larry was the only speaker up there.  The others never showed.

So, there's my buddy up there, talking about how there's another author in the room, an author who could help him out ... and I realize he's looking right at me.

Now, for someone with a full Murderhobo Beard™, the International Lord of Hate has some really big puppy-dog eyes.  Almost pitiful, really.

And then I noticed that I was moving up the the table and sitting down.

Fortunately, I hadn't wrapped my tongue too far around my eyeteeth when J.L. Curtis and Peter Grant showed up, and were immediately drafted.

I'm not sure that the panel we produced was what the con had intended, but we did our best -- and I found myself actually having fun.

Herself  and I have been hugged (Sarah Hoyt and the Lovely Mrs Correia™ give the best hugs), and fed, and hugged, and chided, and hugged.

I finally managed to give Brad Torgersen one of my books. I shook hands with L. E. Modesitt -- with-out looking like too much of an idiot (I hope). I had breakfast with the Hoyts. I watched a intense children's doctor go through costume changes as he gave a first-class presentation on abuse. I drank really good whisky and swapped stories. I ate world-class BBQ.  I met more really good people than I can count.

I relaxed.

It was a good weekend.  Herself and I will definitely be back.

Now, I'm going to hide in my dark house and sleep for a week.



Someone just e-mailed me the "Gun Rights Cake" analogy, exclaiming that I needed to read it.

No, I really don't.

Man, if I had a nickle for every time that piece of my work was e-mailed, Facebooked, or Twitted without attribution, I'd be one of the wealthiest men in Texas.

I don't mind it getting passed around -- I am kind of proud of it -- but I'm getting bloody annoyed by the sheer number of folks hinting -- if not out-right stating -- that they were the ones who came up with it.

I wrote it eight years ago in this post. Not any "Bentley", or "Robert", or "Rupert".

I re-wrote it three years later here.



Tuesday, February 13, 2018


Herself and I are about to head out on our first leg of the trip for the Life, The Universe, and Everything Symposium.

This should be ... interesting.

While we're gone, here's the complete audio of the Armadillo Story from The LawDog Files:

Enjoy, and we'll see you when we get back!


Saturday, February 03, 2018

Smoked by Johnny 5

At breakfast this morning we learned that a Dallas Grand Jury has no-billed the Dallas PD officers who used a robot and some C4 to blow a gunman straight to hell.


By way of Lady Tam, we also learned of a fascinating read about that particular dust-up. Long read, and somewhat harrowing, but worth it.


Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Graphic novel?

Just out of curiosity, what would my Gentle Readers feel about The LawDog Files being rendered as a graphic novel?

I ask, because the publisher of my little scribblings has started a one week contest to produce one or more graphic novels from a list of titles.

The idea being that you donate money to the project -- the more money you donate, the more bennies you get -- and those who donate money will vote on which title from the list will become a graphic novel.

While my first book is on the list, any of the books there would be a fantastic as a comic book.

If you're interested, pop over and take a look.


Thursday, January 18, 2018

And audiobook is live!

A bit of a surprise, but apparently the audio book of the first book is live!

Oh, wow.