Saturday, March 31, 2018

Audio Book II

Looks like African Adventures is out on audio book!



Friday, March 30, 2018

Professor LawDog's School of Mayhem and Survival

Good morning, class.

Today's lesson is about a wee bit of social engineering that should be a part of your glove box in your vehicle, or your bug-out bag.

It is:  the Media Pass.

Easily found by simply inserting the search term "media pass template" into any search engine, a Media Pass (or Press Pass) is an inexpensive, low-bulk item that can -- note the use of the word "can" -- get you out of medium- to large-scale "social unrest situations".

This little darling has been used as far back as the 1970s to smooth the way through more than one coup d'etat.

Your template needs to have the following:

1)  MEDIA and/or PRESS in big block letters;
2)  About a quarter of the surface in a contrasting, eye-buzzing "LOOK AT ME" colour;
3)  Your picture; and
4)  The word "FREELANCE".

We use the "Media" and/or "Press" for obvious reasons; the contrasting colour, less so.

In the situations where we will need this -- demonstrations, random mobs, demonstrations disguised as random mobs, etc., the emotions of the people you will be encountering will be running a skoshy bit on the high-side.  Adrenaline, endorphins, teenage hormones, all will be rampaging about, and will be having various effects upon the visual acuity of the participants.

When the pimply-faced, patchouli-reeking, little antifa hippie has tunnel-vision from the excitement, the bright colour will help to draw his eye to the pass -- where he will be able to actually read the word "Press" or "Media".

Your picture is there to give the pass the appearance of propriety.

No matter how tempting, don't put the name of a big Media Corporation on your Press Pass.  If there are representatives from a big corporation there, you can get snitched out in a hurry; big media corporations can get (civilly) irritated with you pretending to represent "their good name" (har, har, har); and last, but probably most importantly -- some demonstrators in these Current Unpleasant Times consider Big Media Corporations to be part of the [Insert Catchy Noun Here] That They're Fighting Against, thus drawing unwanted attention.  Use "Freelance" instead.

The utilisation is quite simple.

You find yourself staggering out of a watering hole, having enjoyed a fine evening of companionship to the point that you missed the warning signs of an imminent Mass Social Disruption, and you find that not only have the protesters spun themselves up into a Righteous Passion, but the local gardai have put up barriers and blockades to the point that climbing into your pickup and taking the crunchy way out is contra-indicated.

Reach into your glove box, grab your Media Pass, a notebook, and a writing instrument; stare purposefully at the crowd/mob/ demonstration/ riot, and move along the periphery of the crowd/ mob/ demonstration/ riot, pretending to take notes, and waving your Media Pass at anyone who takes notice of you.

As soon as you get to a point where you can duck, disengage, and Beat Feet Away From The Stupid, do so.  If there's a barricade in front of your Newest Favourite Alley, waving your Media Pass at the cops manning said barricade will frequently get you past it.

Now, remember two things:  1)  Don't put your name on your Media Pass.  There's a good chance it will fall off -- or get ripped off -- and now the demonstrators and/or local police have a record of your presence at the riot.  That's a good way to invite a sub poena.

2)  I said to grab a notebook and a writing instrument for a good reason.  Several folks will opine that you should be waving your cell-phone about to properly blend in with freelance media.  Don't do this.  If you lose your cell-phone, there's too much personal data on there for comfort.  Also, taking pictures of folks out for some freelance socialism gets their attention -- which is exactly what we don't want.

Pretend that you are Carl Kolchak.  Scribble furiously, and cut and run at the first opportunity.

Thus endeth today's lesson.


Saturday, March 24, 2018

Oh, lawdy, lawdy, lawdy

If young master David "Nearvivor" Hogg is going to keep up his propaganda public appearances, he might ought to employ the services of a protocol secretary, to prevent little gaffes that lend themselves oh so nicely to memes.

Case in point, his use of a Communist, Socialist, Roman [Insert Colour Here] Power Salute during his speech today.

Rookie mistake there, kid.

Get yourself a PR flack for next time.

Nothing but love,


Thursday, March 22, 2018

Why don't you go ...

... pack your bum with salt and have a nice widdle up a rope?

Kroger has decided to pull gun magazines from its shelves.

This one is personal.

I have friends -- good friends -- who make their living by way of those gun magazines.  Friends who publish them, friends who edit them, friends who sell stories to them, friends who sell pictures to them.

Friends who rely upon the sale of those magazines for a positive cash-flow.

When your little social-virtue-signalling hissy-fit threatens the livelihood of my friends, you can bet your last dollar that I take it personally.

Kroger is done, as far as we here at Rancho LawDog are concerned.

And just in case any of my Gentle Readers are feeling particularly articulate, here is the link allegedly allowing people to voice their concerns.  Since I can't figure out a way to present the back of my hand to the Kroger Board of Directors, I think I'll pass, but y'all have at.

Oh, and here's a link to all the companies that Kroger hides behind.



Saturday, March 10, 2018

Meditations on death

Part of my personal belief system is the certainty that the time of each of our deaths was written when we were born; and can not be changed.

Where you die, whom you die with, those can all be changed to a greater or lesser degree. 

How you die and what you die for ... ah.

This I learned from my father long before Herger the Joyous lectured about death and fear on the silver screen.

Understand that when it is time for you to die, you are going to die.  Whether you believe -- as I do -- that your time was written, or you believe that we are only allotted a certain number of breaths or heartbeats, or you believe that the gods blink, and the lights go out ... you are going to die sometime.

You cannot change this.

You can, however, change how you die, or what you die for.  You can change what your death is for.

When your time to die comes up, and there's some critter standing there with a box-cutter, or a hammer, or an AR-15 -- understand that if it is your time, you are going to die shot in the back, or you are going to die getting trampled by panicked fellow citizens, or you are going to die from a stress-induced heart-attack ... but it is your time, and you are going to die.

It is far better to die screaming your defiance and beating a critter's head in, than to die cowering in a dark closet, with the smell of piddle and vomit filling your nostrils.

This is true for men; it is true for women, for high-school students --

-- and it is doubly true for those who swore an oath to protect their fellow citizens.

If you so fear death that you are unable to change how you meet death -- you need to re-evaluate your life.

And if you are a peace officer, and you aren't prepared to die well ... not only should you re-evaluate your life, but you need to turn in your badge and seek employment doing something else.

When violence comes, and brings your death with it -- die well, for that is the only thing you can change about your death.