Big on "Thoughts, Prayers, and Action Committees", short on anything -- you know -- effective.
So, when I heard that our friend Ben over at Bjorn Bladeworks was making a run of his Murder Needles, I ordered a set in Jade for her.
These little jewels are fairly simple: about 3/4 of an ounce of G10, about 9 inches in length, and a diamond cross-section about half an inch thick at its widest.
And the narrow end ground to the wickedest little needle point you can put on a stick of high-pressure fibreglass and resin composite.
The execution is simple elegance: it goes in your hair. Unless you're Toshiro Mifune (and he doesn't need a hair stabbie), this limits it somewhat to the distaff side of the species -- and I'm okay with this.
For those who aren't familiar with it, G10 is a material used in knife and pistol grips for decades. It is high-strength (for a fibreglass/resin laminate) and doesn't absorb moisture, or -- important here -- hair oil.
Hair sticks are used by the ladies to hold and/or decorate hairbuns, pony-tails, and other hair-dos, and go completely unnoticed by 99% of everyone. I guarantee you've walked by a woman with pencils, knitting needles, pens, dowel rods, or stainless-steel straws stuck through a bun -- and never gave it a second thought.
Yes, LawDog, but how does it work?
Well, I'm glad you asked. When I ordered the ones for Herself, Ben contacted me and asked if I would like one for testing?
In my backyard is a heavy bag that I've modified over the years. Currently the inside is a couple of rolls of carpet, a metric butt-ton of sand, and a polymer centre core. I wandered out there, and under the supervision of Chuy the Wonder Chiweenie, gave it a flat-footed WTF? stab:
Rather impressed, I gave it a full fencing lunge:
Turns out the polymer core in my heavy bag is about 7 inches in.
Deep breath, and I went full Monkey With A Screwdriver:
Not sure how deep I went during the cycles, but I hit my thumb and index knuckles on the bag most of the time, so 4 - 6 inches?
Yes. These will do nicely.
Now, don't get me wrong -- these are last-ditch, one-incident-use tools for places where the Light Of Your Life isn't allowed to carry anything more substantial.
Are they as good as a real knife or a firearm? Of course not, but they're a damned sight better than fingernails and harsh language.
By "One-incident-use tools" I mean exactly that. If your Best Beloved has to pin-cushion Joe Critter or Abdul the Moderately Rabid, these little darlings are going to wind up in a evidence bag, an Operating Room floor, or the rubbish bin.
They're $30, plus shipping. If the surgeon winds up pulling her old ones out of her Personal Chew Toy, buy her another set. Ben's email (if you don't like Facebook) is:
These little jewels get the LawDog Paw of Approval.
Ben has asked me to post a link to the FaceBook Murderneedles page.
Blogger borked the photos. Should be working now.